The Blog [cake 5SOS] ✔

[Post #20] [Responses]

I just realised I forgot to post yesterday 😳 so I'll do a double update!

Calum

I'm undeniably afraid.

I checked out Luke's blog the other day, something I haven't done in a while, and read his most recent post, leaving out the old ones.

"It's so hard C, to tell you my real feelings. I'm afraid of rejection, I'm truly scared. I haven't even confessed to you, yet I'm being so needy and demanding of you, and I'm not getting the fact that you simply aren't ready.

That leads me to the next question; when will you be ready? "

I feel like he wants an answer from me. Sure, I like him, but it just seems so unlikely that we'd actually ever go out. I can't really see a relationship like that; maybe I'm just not being very open-minded. Now, all I can feel is bad because Luke thinks I don't like him, and probably that I'm avoiding him, which I'm trying not to do but I dunno.

I can't seem to help it.

Tour starts at the O2 arena - an awesome place, absolutely massive and full of girls (a couple of dads too). It makes me want to headline there one day, because playing to such a big crowd was just so breathtaking. I want people to be there to see us, not someone else.

We've also moved onto a tour bus, and I'm just across from Luke. Occasionally, at night when we're asleep, I'll look at him, admiring his relaxed eyes and cheekbones and chiselled jaw line. When I finally fall asleep, I dream of him, his beautiful blue eyes melting me and his crafty fingers playing the guitar like a pro. It makes me want his fingers to myself.

And through this all, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into a hole, which until I realise my real feelings, I won't be able to escape.

Luke

"Thank you London!" I holler through the microphone, raising my hands and bowing. The other three follow and we head backstage where the One Direction boys are sitting, enjoying food that the fans had given them earlier during the VIP meet and greet.

"Great audience tonight," Ashton says as he sits down, making the other sides of the sofa rise and causing Louis to almost fall off. "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry Louis!" he apologises whilst laughing. Louis gets up and dusts himself off. "Didn't know I was that heavy!"

Harry smirks. "You're not heavy, Louis is just really light." I don't know if it's just me; but Harry sounds awfully suggestive. I shake my head and go on my phone, beginning the comment check so I can post in response to them later.

After all, if Harry and Louis can do it, why can't me and Calum?

That is, if they're together. I don't want to make false accusations and I'm awful at reading people but I'm sensing something different from these two.

It almost gives me hope.

[Post #20] [Responses]

Monday 25/2/13 22:59

Dear C.H.,

We're on our way to Glasgow right now, after playing two nights at the O2, which really lit our internal flames and inspired us immensely. I guess this post isn't really for you, but for the readers of this blog, which for some weird reason has a lot of reads. I don't get notifications because I don't want any band members seeing this, and I think I've done a good job keeping it secret.

Okay, well now is the time for acknowledgments!

mcrbxtch - you've been here for ages! Thanks for sticking around. You obviously relate to me a lot, and we should be internet buddies!

treetrunklegs - thank you for telling me straight that gays should not walk the earth. Might I just remind you that your negative opinion is not welcome here and if anyone else homophobic is still reading this, I suggest you unfollow this blog and never come back. Please and thank you.

hemmo9212 - do you know my band? please don't tell them about this. and my name is penguin....... who is 'luke'?

petewentzisbae - I feel like you know me! I'm probably delusional, haha... your comments are appreciated, and btw who is a.i.?

liz_h - thanks for your supportive comments! You said you'd tell your three sons about this blog right? let me know how it goes!

mr_fluke - you like Green Day too! Let's hold hands and run around in a circle :D

mrs_h - you keep sending me messages asking me to marry you... are you a spambot?

Thanks for your continued support, everyone! And C; I'm gonna make 2013 the year that I finally get you to love me back. I don't want to hold back any longer, nor do I want to keep this crush a secret. I want people to know. I want to celebrate my love for you.

And most importantly, I want you to know my feelings.

No matter how many times I write it on this blog, you'll never know; so despite previous failed attempts to confess, I'm going to put that behind me and tell you how I feel. I still have no idea when but if you're reading - expect it soon.

Well, I'm going now. This road is very bumpy and my head keeps falling off the pillow; but it's okay because I look to my left and you're a metre away. Thanks Calum, for being there.

Yours,

Penguin <(")

petewentzisbae: u are SUCH an idiot omg. we need to talk.

Hey people! Thank you for reading :)

Dedication this week goes to... calukebishness for voting! Thank you~~ Enjoy your virtual 5SOS sweater from me! Oh and of course big virtual hug, because we all need those from time to time ;D

This week for me has been okay... School is being a pain and one of my closest friends is moving out of town :'( It's sad bc we've been friends since the start of high school so it'll be sad to see her go! But I've officially been hired at a cafe near my house so I can earn money to visit her ^_^

Thanks again; hope you can leave a vote/comment behind like you guys usually do :) Where would I be without you, honestly? Thanks :)

Kimmy xx