The Blog [cake 5SOS] ✔

[Post #19] [Tour]

Luke

Two months pass like a leaf blowing in the wind. We've seen snow and experienced the coldest winter ever, but the band is closer than it has been before and we're soon joining One Direction on tour. 

Since the Christmas kiss, Calum and I have sort of been avoiding each other. It's frustrating because I want to talk to him but whenever I do, my heart gets all bashful and I turn away pretending nothing's wrong. Why am I so awkward?

Calum turned seventeen last month. It was an emotional moment, because wow, seventeen is old. I gave him a scarf that I saw when we were shopping in the New Year, and he wears it a lot nowadays. We're going out tonight for dinner with the 1D boys, at this fancy restaurant in London they apparently go to quite often. Well, with their bank accounts, I can see why.

"So, now you're seventeen, want to hook up with some girls on tour?" Louis asks. Calum smiles back at him, taking a sip of his water. 

"Depends."

"On what?" Harry demands. His elbows are perched on the table, and whenever they move the table moves too. It's annoying but I don't say anything, because, well, I'm nice like that.

"If I'm in the mood, what time of day it is, whether the other guys are there... there's a lot to think about."

Niall giggles. "Oh you don't need to think, you can just go for it. We don't care! What about you, Luke?"

All eyes are suddenly on me and I struggle to think of an answer. "Um... I guess I don't mind but I'm not that interested in hooking up right now." I know I sound stupid but I really don't. There's only one guy I'd want to hook up with but we haven't exactly been that close recently so, you know, chances of that happening are very slim. Michael sighs.

"Typical Luke. His mum brought him up well. Hey, didn't she always use to tell you no sex before marriage or some shit?" he brings up. I widen my eyes. They're going to think I'm so sad...

"Serious? You listen to her? My mum told me the exact same thing, but none of us follow that rule." I guess that's Zayn with the dark hair speaking. I shrug and look around the restaurant.

"I... I need the toilet."

I stand as Harry pointed to the loos, hurrying over and locking the cubicle door. I just want Calum, no one else, but that's not achievable right now. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door. "Luke? It's Cal." I tentatively open it, still standing. The cubicle all of a sudden becomes very cramped. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just felt a bit uncomfortable talking about that," I mutter. He chuckles and leans against the door. "You don't have to stay here."

"No, I do. I feel like I've been neglecting you since Christmas. Listen... I know we... kissed... but I don't want that to change anything. I like you and all, but I don't really know how to feel right now." I nibble at my lip and sigh inside, fingers twiddling with each other.

"Why can't you and me just... be together?" Goddammit Luke why did you just...

He looks upwards, as if thinking about the past. "I'm just not ready-"

"Fine. I'm leaving. See you out there."

Why am I so disappointed?

Why am I so mad?

I unlock the door and punch my palm. All I want is for Calum to like me back, but it seems that's not happening any time soon.

[Post #19] [Tour]

Sunday 20/2/13 21:48

Dear C.H.,

Man, am I angry.

We just got back from a dinner with our friends and you followed me to the toilet and I got all pissed off and left.

It's so hard C, to tell you my real feelings. I'm afraid of rejection, I'm truly scared. I haven't even confessed to you, yet I'm being so needy and demanding of you, and I'm not getting the fact that you simply aren't ready.

That leads me to the next question; when will you be ready? 

I've liked you for over half a year now, and we have to spend a lot of time together during the next few weeks - months even - because of our tour, and if I don't learn how to deal with these feelings I think I'll be at a dead end. I need to come to terms with the fact that this relationship is entirely one-sided and that I need to lose hope.

I wonder if M or A can offer advice? Maybe I should talk to them about it. After all, I've spent these last few months bottling it up inside and posting on this blog. I don't even check the comments, when you're probably all giving me great advice. Maybe I should do that now.

I'll post again tomorrow with responses to your comments.

Okay, well here's to hoping Calum will realise my feelings before I have to man up and confront him directly.

Yours,

Penguin <(")

petewentzisbae: finally maybe u'll realize who i am lolz

***

Heyyy! Happy new year, hope you've all had a great start!

So in case you didn't know, I'm doing regular updates now. It won't be this story every time, but let me know if you want me to update this one because I have a priority list and I can always make this the top one if it's a favourite.

The start of 2013 seems to be going badly for cake... I wonder if they can solve their problems and make out already? lol sorry for the frustratingly bad chapter... it'll get better I promise! at least Luke will be checking out the comments. *spoiler for next chapter* LUKE WILL FIND MICHAEL...

This chapter is dedicated to............... claricerite for all your votes! Thank you~ hope you enjoyed this chapter! Your reward is a virtual 5SOS scarf for the chilly weather you may or may not be dreading. If you live in Australia though, you can swap it for a pair of Luke shaped sunglasses, they're not made out of bread though ;)

Thanks again!

Kimmy xx