NIKA'S POV
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah." I said and smiled at Justin.
It has been three weeks since I left. To be honest, I still can't move on. It's just too damn hard! I've been to Philippines in 13 years! Doon ako pinanganak, doon ako natuto maglakad, doon ako natuto magsalita, doon lahat! And I know that my heart belongs there. But sometimes, we can't just let our heart decide. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon kung anong sinasabi ng puso natin, yun ang susundin natin.
Sa three weeks na pag stay namin dito sa America, I met this guy named Justin. He's living two houses away from ours. Siya ang unang naging close ko dito. Parang siya yung laging kasama ko dito. Although nandyan si mommy but ayaw niya mag stay sa bahay kasi gusto niya daw na nagtatrabaho parin. Kaya ayun, binigyan siya ng work ni lolo. Kaya habang nag iisa ako dito si Justin yung nakakasama ko. Nung una medyo awkward pa kasi syempre lalaki siya. But as day goes, mas nakilala ko siya and each day mas nagiging comfortable akong kasama siya. Minsan pa nga tinatawanan niya 'ko kasi may mga bagay akong hindi maintindihan. Ofcourse Philippines is way different from America. Minsan tinuturan niya rin ako about sa mga tradition or manners ng mga Americans. And I can say that it really helped me a lot. Sa araw-araw wala naman akong ginagawa kaya lagi lang kaming nagso-stroll. Wala na rin naman akong facebook account. Nag deactivate na kasi ako. I just thought it is the right thing to do. Maybe in right time, I'm going to activate it again. But not now.
"Are you ready for next month?"
"Not yet."
"It's alright. You can still make yourself comfortable in this place for four weeks. I can't say you can be easily comfortable as comfortable you are in your own country. But please try? I want you to know that I'll be here for you. Is that alright?"
"Ofcourse. You are really a big help to me. I owe you a lot."
He just smiled and put his right arm on my shoulder.
"I think I have to go home now. I wanna sleep."
"Alright. I'll walk you to your house."
As we reached our front door, I waved goodbye at him.
I quickly walked upstairs and opened the door of my room.
Humiga ako sa bed ko and pumikit.
My heart suddenly felt the same ache as the memories flash backs in my mind.
Noong mga nakaraang gabi pa 'ko ganito. Tulala, tapos mararamdaman ko na lang na basa na pala yung mukha ko dahil sa kaka-iyak. Ang hirap kasi talaga. Ang hirap hirap.
Ilang beses ko na ding pinagdasal na sana matapos na agad 'to para makabalik na 'ko. Sana matapos na lang 'to para hindi na 'ko gabi gabi umiiyak.
Tumayo ako at kinuha sa cabinet yung phone 'kong three weeks ko ng hindi binubuksan. Noong tumapak ang mga paa ko sa airport, I promised myself na hindi ako titingin sa mga bagay na mag papasakit sa 'kin, That's why I put my phone away from me because my phone contains lots of memories. But now, I just can't stop myself.
As I opened my phone, my tears fell like a faucet as I saw my wallpaper.
It's a photo taken when Christian and I celebrated our first month of being together.
Feeling ko yung puso ko paulit ulit na nadudurog. I opened my gallery and nakita ko ang mga photo namin nila Anna and Angelique. Super nagi-guilty parin talaga ako. If only I can tell them the true reason why I left, I will. Kaso hindi pwede eh. Sana someday maintindihan nila ako. Sana someday maintindihan nila kung gaano kahirap sa 'kin to. Hindi biro ang mga pinagsamahan namin. Hindi ganon kadali makalimutan. At hinding hindi ko yun kakalimutan. They were there when I needed them. They are the kind of friend who will never let you feel alone. They let me feel what is the true meaning of friendship. I love them so much. I hope they know that until now.
I wiped my tears and continued scrolling through my gallery.
Feeling ko lalo ko lang tino-torture yung sarili ko. Bakit feeling ko hindi na mawawala 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko?
I hope as time goes by, mawawala na din 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko. Sana totoo nga yung sinasabi nilang Time heals. Pero bakit feeling ko sa mga araw na lumilipas mas lalo ko lang nararamdaman yung sakit. Mas lalo lang ako nangungulila. Nasanay na kasi akong kasama sila. Totoo nga ang sinasabi nilang Mahirap masanay sa mga bagay na walang kasiguraduhan dahil in a blink of an eye maaaring magbago ang lahat.
Even though nandyan si Justin hindi parin enough. Iba parin talaga kapag sila Angelique at Anna ang kasama ko. Kapag sila yung katawanan ko iba yung feeling. Ganun nga talaga siguro kapag mag bestfriend, kahit anong gawin nyo basta magkakasama kayo, masaya.
Four more weeks at may pasok na kami. Sobrang kinakabahan talaga ako. Kailangan ko talaga maging independent. Ofcourse hindi naman sa lahat ng oras kasama ko si Justin kaya I need to be independent. Just like what I said before, I need to be ready for everything that will happen in the future.
Please Lord, help me.
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"I thought he's with you?"
"No. We part ways because he said he has something else important to do."
"Whatever." She said then walked away.
That's Alisha. He's grade eight just like me. She likes Justin sooooo much! Like she always look for him. Since she knew that Justin lives next door to me and we always hang out so she kinda hate me because she can't get the attention that Justin gives me. But it's not really a big deal for me because we're just friends so if Justin entertains her then why not? If that will make Justin happy then go.
Anyways, I survived the first two weeks of school. On my first week, Justin was always there helping me but on the second week I told him that I can handle some things so I won't be needing him that much. I promised him that when I need him, I'll call him but if I can handle it alone, I will. I always tell myself that I need to be independent.
I always make myself busy to keep myself from thinking about some things that gives me heart aches. I have to move on now and face the reality.
I know someday I'll be okay.
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A/N: I don't like my update for this chapter :( It's just I didn't get the right point for this chapter. Maybe I have to keep up with the next chapters. Please be with me. Thank you!
P.S SORRY FOR THE WRONG GRAMMAR/S AND TYPO/S IF THERE ARE ANY.
HeeeeyAngelique x
BINABASA MO ANG
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