McFoord One-Shots

Overwhlemed

Caitlin and Katie had been dating for just under a month, although they were best friends for over 2 years before either of them made a move. In saying this caitlin had never told Katie about her anxiety, she hated talking about her feelings and there was never a time to bring it up, she also had Steph and Kyra in her team who did know, and helped her when she needed. Katie just assumed Caitlin was shy. Although as women's football started to take off with every game, and more and more people were coming to games, screaming her name, her anxiety towards the game days was becoming worse and worse and Katie started to pick up on it.

When Katie and Caitlin arrived at the emirates stadium for there game, Caitlin could already hear the roar of the crowd from outside, as she got out of the car she took 3 deep breaths, something her older sister told her to do whenever she felt anxious, Katie watched Caitlin as she got out of the car, she had seen her doing this a lot recently. "Are you okay cait" Katie asked catching Caitlin off guard as her head was elsewhere, "w..what uh yeh" Caitlin replied as she grabbed her bag and started to walk inside, Katie ran up next to her and grabbed her hand, "what's wrong" Katie asked not believing Caitlin for a second, "nothing, just nervous" Caitlin replied again brushing Katie off, "nervous...about the game?" Katie asked confused as it wasn't an important game and she had never known Caitlin to be nervous for a game before, Caitlin just ignored Katie and walked inside.

The change room was buzzing with excitement, several different conversations going on around the room when Caitlin and Katie walked in, Caitlin immediately sat down in her cubby before taking her 3 deep breaths again, Katie watched on as she began to feel deeply worried about her girlfriend, Caitlin was so focused on her breathing that she didn't even notice Katie come and sit down beside her, "cait, what's going on" Katie said knocking Caitlin out of her trance, "nothing I'm fine" Caitlin replied standing up and going to get ready for the game, Katie stayed sitting down trying to work out what was wrong with Caitlin.

As the game started Caitlin tried to drown out the crowds, as soon as the whistle blew to start the game, her mind went empty, everything she was ever thinking disappeared, football always cleared her mind. As the game came to an end Renae told the team to go and thank the fans, Caitlin was really grateful for the fans and the way women's football was going, but that didn't mean she didn't get overwhelmed with it all. Katie who was still worried about Caitlin from earlier walked up to Caitlin and could instantly tell something was still wrong, Katie knew Caitlin hated talking about her feelings and she wasn't going to open up on the field so instead Katie just kept her distance and watched Caitlin from afar.

As Caitlin stated walking towards the fans, everyone screamed her name, yelling at her to sigh there jerseys, take photos with them, and come over to them, she wanted to go inside, but as she looked around she saw her whole team going up to the fans, and Renae watching from afar, Caitlin was so overwhelmed with the fans, she couldn't move, her breathing became faster and heavier as she tried to calm down, Katie who was watching on, noticed immediately, and walked up to her, "cait, are you okay, what's wrong" Katie asked, Caitlin just looked at her, horror in her eyes as she didn't want everyone in the stands to watch her have a panic attack, she couldn't talk, she couldn't tell Katie what was happening, she just stood frozen unable to breath. As tears started to well in Caitlin's eyes Katie noticed her looking around at the fans, picking up on Caitlin's fear, Katie grabbed her hand and took her back into the change rooms keeping both girls heads down. By the time they got there Caitlin was in full tears, unable to breathe, holding her chest, Katie sat her down and put Caitlin's hand on her chest to follow her breathing, "Cait, just focus on me okay, it's just us, follow my breathing" Katie repeated, "I..c..can't... it's not..w..working" caitlin struggled to get her sentence out, "Cait just talk to me, what's 3 things you can see" Katie asked Caitlin who opened her eyes for the first time to look around the room, "M..my spare..boots, the..water bottles, the..s..speaker" Caitlin slowly replied, Katie smiled, "good, I'm proud of you, now what's 2 things you can hear" Katie asked Caitlin who was slowly starting to calm down, "U..uh you, and um.. the crowd" Caitlin replied trying to focus solely on katie, "Lastly what's 1 thing you can feel" katie asked Caitlin, "Your heartbeat" Caitlin replied as she snuggled into Katie's body now completely calmed down, "There you go chick" Katie said kissing the top of Caitlin's head. As both girls heard the sound of the teams cleats on the concrete katie felt Caitlin tense up in her arms, worried they would see her, or ask questions about why she left the pitch early, just before the team arrived, katie grabbed Caitlin and pulled her into a side room, shutting the door behind them, Caitlin just looked up at katie, "How did you know how to do that" Caitlin asked katie who instantly knew how to calm her down from her panic attack, "I used to get them a lot when I first joined arsenal, viv taught me" katie replied making Caitlin smile and look up, "Cait, do you know what caused it" Katie asked unaware Caitlin has them constantly, "I just got overwhelmed with the crowd" Caitlin said brushing it off, "Caitlin, is this why you've been acting weird before games?" Katie asked Caitlin who just nodded before looking down, "I have um...pretty bad social anxiety, I'm sorry I never told you" Caitlin added still looking down embarrassed, "Cait, I wish you had of told me so I could help you, I'm sorry you had to go though that alone, I can't imagine how overwhelming game days must be for you, just know you have me now, you never have to go through that by yourself, I'll help you though it" Katie said as she held Caitlin right feeling guilty that Caitlin felt like she couldn't tell her, "Thankyou, I don't know why I didn't tell you, I was just embarrassed I guess" Caitlin said playing with her laces on her boots, "cait, there's nothing embarrassing about that, having thousands of people yelling and screaming your name is overwhelming for anyone" Katie said grabbing Caitlin's hand and holding it tight to stop her from playing with her laces, "Do you think Renae will be mad at me" Caitlin asked Katie who just shook her head and lifted up Caitlin's chin, "Of course not Cait, just tell her what happened, she cares more about your mental health than thanking a few fans" Katie said wiping a few loose tears that fell from Caitlin's face, "Come on, let's go talk to her, together" Katie added standing up and pulling Caitlin up, before kissing her lips softly and walking out of the room holding Caitlin's hand, as they walked out the team were in the change rooms talking about the game, "there you guys are" Leah said, catching everyone's attention making them all turn to face Katie and Caitlin who are walking hand in hand out of a storage room, "woah, what were you two doing in there" Beth yelled making the whole team laugh, "get your mind out of the gutter Bethany mead" Katie said laughing before pulling Caitlin out of the change rooms and over to Renae, "There you two are, I thought you guys had disappeared" Renae said laughing until she noticed how uncomfortable and nervous Caitlin looked, "Is everything okay?" Renae asked Katie and Caitlin who both just looked at each other, Katie squeezed Caitlin's hand and gave her a comforting smile, Caitlin looked up to Renae before starting, "Yeh, I just um wanted you to know that I have social anxiety, and a lot of the time, I get pretty overwhelmed by the crowds and fans, I wanted to tell you because I often feel like I have to stay out with the fans for so long, and that I can't go inside, and then I have panic attacks" Caitlin said quickly in one breath before looking down, Katie gave her hand another squeeze. Renae looked up to Katie, than to Caitlin, "Caitlin, I had no idea, I never want you to feel like you have to stay out if your overwhelmed, I'm sorry I made you feel that way" Renae finished as she rubbed Caitlin's shoulder who just gave her a slight smile, as both girls walked back into the change room, Kim spoke, "where were you two after the game, you were supposed to be thanking fans, you can't just leave whenever you feel like it" Caitlin's body immediately tensed up, everything Renae just said leaving her mind, "Drop it Kim, we spoke to Renae" Katie yelled back angry that Kim had said that because she knows Caitlin's going to overthink it, "You know im the captain Katie, im supposed to know where my team is, you can't just walk off, did you even thank any fans, or are you to stuck up for that" Kim replied making Katie furious as she could see Caitlin's mind ticking, "What I do after the game has nothing to do with you alright" Katie said trying to control her anger, " Seems like what you do on the pitch is out of my control as well, you got another yellow today, just adding to your collections were you, or is that the only way you can defend these days" Kim yelled out of spite, Katie's anger was quickly replaced by hurt, but it didn't last long when she saw Caitlin's breathing start to get heavier, "You don't know what your talking about Kim, just back off" Katie said as she grabbed Caitlin's hand and pulled her out of the room, "Cait, just breathe okay, it's just me and you, we spoke to Renae and she said it's okay, Kim's just angry at the game not at us alright, just take your time, we can stay out here as long as you need" Katie said softly as she brought Caitlin into her chest and held her tight. Beth and viv went to check on Katie, thinking she would be angry from the argument, but as they walked out they saw katie comforting Caitlin who was clearly panicking, they walked back in the change room and up to Kim, "I think you should go apologise Kim" viv said quietly so only she could hear, "apologise, they still haven't even told me where they left to after the game, they can't be doing that viv, you of all people should know" Kim said referring to the fact viv had been at arsenal for a while and knows how important the fans are, "Kim, I think there's more to it, Caitlin's out there having a panic attack" Beth said making Kim instantly feel guilty, "what, because of me" Kim said quietly, "we don't know, but I think you should apologise" viv said again, this time Kim just nodded before walking outside.

Caitlin had now calmed down, although Katie was still talking to her trying to distract her, when Kim walked out Katie and Caitlin were laughing about something, Kim walked over and sat opposite them, "Look I'm sorry I lashed out, I wasn't angry at you, just the game, I'm sure you had a reason on why you left the pitch early, it's not my place to make you tell me, I'm sorry" Kim said looking at the two girls, Katie smiled knowing Kim didn't mean what she said, Caitlin hesitated before speaking, "I had a panic attack, Katie saw and took me inside to calm me down" Caitlin said quietly looking down, "I have anxiety and the crowds can be really overwhelming, I'm sorry" Caitlin added playing with her boots again until Katie grabbed her hand, "Cait, I'm so sorry, I can't even think to understand how. overwhelming the fans would be for you, I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to put the fans before yourself, thankyou for telling me, I'll make sure to keep my eye out for you, you don't have to go through that alone" Caitlin just nodded, before Kim walked back inside, "I'm proud of you cait, I love you" Katie said kissing her girlfriends lips softly, "I love you too Katie" Caitlin replied smiling as she kissed Katie back.