Becoming you

Chapter 30

You always thought you couldn't take back a guy that cheated on you, but you'd never have been in love before. You wouldn't know anything until you'd experience it. While your head was telling you to forget about him, your heart was screaming to forgive him. You felt as if a piece of you was missing. You were disoriented. All you wanted was to close your eyes and disappear from the world.

You locked yourself in your apartment. Your phone was ringing constantly; Sehun, Haneul, even Jongin didn't stop calling you. But you weren't able to talk to anyone, so you finally turned it off. You asked the doorman to not let Sehun get in the building. You didn't know what you would do if you'd see him again. You needed to think; needed to clear your mind before having a proper conversation with him. If you'd see him in that situation, you'd run to him and forgive him for everything. But you needed to have some self-respect. He cheated on you. He made you feel so miserable and broken. How you wished you'd never found out. You would have preferred to live in deception. No matter how many times he would have cheated on you as far as you didn't know. You would have been happy that way. Being with Sehun was like living in a dream; but dreams are just dreams and you had to wake up eventually. You were so stupid thinking you were the only one for him. You knew he wasn't a womanizer; he changed with you but you guessed you weren't enough for him anymore and that hurt so much. You felt that was the only time he cheated on you. The way he was with you, the way he talked to you, touched you, kissed you... that couldn't be faked. You knew he really loved you but he chose someone else over you. Even if he was drunk and didn't realize what he was really doing, even if he was only pretending to be that girl's boyfriend, he put someone else's feelings over yours.

You wanted to hate him so badly but your heart seemed to refuse to do that. He made you feel the most precious thing in the world; he gave you love, true love and you'd never forget that. But it was over now. You weren't the only heartbroken girl in the world and maybe it wouldn't be the last time that someone would break your heart but you knew the pain would never be that intense. Deep inside you knew that there would never be anyone like Sehun. No one could replace him ever. It was part of your heart and you just couldn't subtract that part. You'd have to rip your heart out completely to remove him from there. But then again, it was over. No matter how much you loved him, you had to go through all the pain and overcome it. Time would help you to do it. But time was strange. Sometimes it was so fast you didn't realize it was already morning or night; and sometimes it was so slowly that it seemed to stop. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, you couldn't think properly...

You felt so weak and dizzy; your body was heavy. Someone knocked at the door but everything seemed so far. Then it was a loud noise and someone speaking.

"You're burning", a distant voice sounded. Was it Sehun? You felt someone lifted you up and then everything turned dark. When you wake up, you were on the bed of the hospital. Haneul, Chanyeol and Jongin were there; their faces seemed tired.

"Hey, are you ok?", Haneul asked.

"I... I feel so confused", you replied. "Why am I here?", you asked.

"How could be you such a fool? You didn't eat or drink anything for days... You dehydrated. You could have died!", Haneul replied, her eyes watering.

"Hey, it's fine. Don't tell her that now, she's still recovering", Chanyeol said as she approached to Haneul and hugged her gently.

"Don't worry. You're fine now. You'll can go home soon", Jongin said. He looked at you so sweetly.

"Did you... bring me here?", you asked him. He nodded as he smiled gently. Of course it was Jongin. How could you think it could have been Sehun? He was out of your life now. They went home with you after you got out of the hospital.