Becoming you

Chapter 16

You just wanted the world to disappear. You didn't want to go out of the sheets. Your phone was ringing but you couldn't muster up enough courage to pick it up.  You knew it was Sehun but you just couldn't answer. How could you talk to him? Look at him? He would notice. What happened was so humiliating. You didn't know how he would react. He'd probably go after Woohyun and you didn't want that. You hated Woohyun for what he did so much but you were afraid of what Sehun could do. He was the only one that matters you at the moment. Besides, you didn't want Sehun to find out. It was so embarrassing. You knew it was going to change your relationship with him. What if he repulsed you? It was something you could never bear. You couldn't lose Sehun. Just the thought of being without him was painful. He had become in such an important part of your life so soon. You'd never imagined you could get to feel something like that for somebody. It was all you'd ever wanted. A natural and unselfish love. And now that it was within scope you couldn't lose it. Maybe it was just your imagination as always. He'd probably support, but you couldn't take the risk. No, you'd never tell Sehun. It felt weird and still painful where Woohyun touch you. You disgusted yourself. You felt so dirty. Sehun was the only one who had the right to touch you there. When Sehun touched you, he was gentle and sweet. It felt so good. He didn't go deep and never pushed you. He left your inside intact. But Woohyun was rough; his fingers were so deep inside you. It hurt as hell and there was blood. Did it mean he broke your hymen? Then you weren't a virgin anymore? It couldn't be. Tears were rolling down your face uncontrollably. You felt a heavy weight in your chest that wasn't letting you breathe. Your heart was pounding hard and you felt like your mind went blank. You tried to breathe deep until you calmed yourself a little.

You heard your door open and froze. No, no, no! You screamed internally. You couldn't face Sehun yet. Your body tensed and you kept silent. Your sheets were still covering you completely, so if you didn't move maybe he'd leave.

"Yes, she's here. Don't worry", you heard Haneul said. You relaxed a little. Probably Sehun called her since you didn't answer your phone.

"No, I think she's sleeping", she continued. She sighed and you heard some steps but she didn't leave yet.

"I don't know, Sehun. She left earlier to meet you but I don't know when she came back", she replied. You heard the door close and your bedroom went silent again.

After a while, you finally decided to get up. Your legs were shaky after all the tension you'd been keeping. You went to the bathroom quietly, trying to not make any noise. You didn't want Haneul to hear you. You took a long bath; rubbing your skin harshly with the sponge, cleaning some blood that was still fixed, wiping your tears away and getting rid of that disgusting smell. You kept rubbing until your skin hurt. You changed your bed's sheets. You didn't like the smell you left there when you covered with them. You didn't even want to see the dress you wore again. You had to throw it away. You slid into the clean sheets a tried to sleep. You needed to stop thinking; only that way you could alleviate the pain inside you. The door opened again and that time it was him. You could feel him; breathe his smell. He sat at the edge of your bed and called you softly.

"Are you awake?", he asked quietly. You didn't move or open your eyes. He sighed and leaned to kiss you sweetly in the cheek before he left your room. You didn't see yourself able to talk to him yet but you needed him with you. You prayed for him to come back and sleep beside you as he wrapped you with his arms, but he didn't do it. Doubts were filling your mind again. Should you tell him or kept silent as you previously thought?