Becoming you

Chapter 11

As soon as you reached your apartment, Sehun took you to his room. His chest pressed against your breasts as he pushed you inside and closed the door behind him. He looked at you with a hunger in his eyes as his hands cupped your face and brought your mouth to his. His mouth was hot and wet as it devoured yours, his tongue circling the inside almost desperately. Not breaking the kiss, his hands slid from your face to your jaw line until they rested on your neck. His thumb pressed your neck gently, in contrast with the violent attack to your mouth. He bit your bottom lip as he moaned through his teeth before he broke the kiss. You looked at his lustful eyes as you caught it with a deep intake of breath. They were dark, full of lust and wanting more. He pulled your hair and bended your neck back. He sucked on the base before kissing his way back up to your mouth. His kiss was even more intense than the previous one. The way his tongue explored your cavern so brutally was making you dizzy. It was different to other kissed and a prelude to something more. It was amazing the way his kisses made you feel, like if you were in a different world and nothing else mattered. Your fingers tangled on his hair as a soft moan escaped your lips when Sehun's wet mouth bit your earlobe. It gave you chills when you felt his hand slide down the length of your back. Then, with both hands, he firmly squeezed your ass. "I love your butt", he whispered against your skin, burning every part of your body. His words caused your muscles to tighten. His hands left your butt and pulled your shirt over your head slowly; his fingers caressing your upper body as he did it.

His took his own shirt off and pushed you down on the bed softly as he positioned himself on top. You moaned as a tickling sensation invaded your body when he leaned and began to leave wet kissed along your belly, sucking your skin gently from time to time. Your body was burning and needing. Your hands caressed his back as your lips met again. He cupped the back of your neck, possessive, as he deepened the kiss. A deep groan emerged from his throat as you wrapped your legs around his waist instinctively, pressing your members against each other. You continued making out for a time. His mouth was everywhere, burning every single part of your already hot body. Sehun took off your skirt and stroked your inner thighs delicately. The throbbing yearning between your legs was killing you. You gasped as he gently pressed his finger against your soaking panties, stroking your womanhood over the fabric.

"You're so wet already", he moaned. "I need to taste you first. I need to make sure you're ready", he continued.

"I'm ready", you said softly. You wanted him. You needed him. But you didn't expect what you were going to feel later. As his soft hands began to slide your panties, a stabbing and suffocating fear invaded your body, freezing you. Your body tensed and the anxiety that was taking over you didn't let you think straight. You felt so exposed and vulnerable as he finally took off your panties. You felt completely paralyzed as his fingers stroked your inner thighs, dangerously closed to your womanhood. His intense glare at your most intimate part was devastating you. You couldn't breathe; it was if you were becoming suffocated. You wanted him so badly but you lied telling yourself that you were ready and felt like you rushed the moment.

"Sehun", you whispered, almost unable to speak. His hand stiffened against your skin but he didn't make any sign of stopping. The fear was taking control of you and you felt as you couldn't move. You wanted to stop him but your body didn't work. His eyes were dark of lust. The fear intensified as a thought crossed your mind. If you stopped him... Would he be disappointed in you? Would he treat you differently from now on? Or worse, would he be tired of you for being such a prude and leave you? He told you he was going to wait for you but you couldn't think straight at that moment. You turned him off and then you were expecting him to stop. You were like a cock-teaser. It was your fault the situation turned into that.  He suddenly stopped and walked to his drawer, looking for something. You felt as pressure we leaving your body, although your heart was still beating fast, knowing that it didn't finish yet.

"Fuck", he cursed as he looked through the drawer. "I can't believe I don't have any condom left", he said. You sighed relieved. You were so afraid to telling him to stop.  You knew you were being stupid, you didn't have to press yourself but... you just didn't want to disappoint Sehun.

"I can go to the drugstore... or we can stop here", he said looking intensely at you.

"I...", you began. Your face turned red and you felt about to cry. You felt so embarrassed. You screwed up. You couldn't give Sehun what he wanted. You rushed to take your panties and put them on again. You sat on the bed, burying your face between your knees.

"I'm sorry", you muttered.

"Don't be", he said croaky as he sat beside you. You took some courage and raised your head to look at him.

"Are you mad at me?", you asked.

"No, I'm... I just can't believe this", he sighed. You knew it. It was too good to be true. You were so stupid for believing he would be with someone as yourself. Why would he wait? He had tons of girls queuing for him. You didn't think he did girlfriends before.

"You said you were going to wait until I was ready", you blurted out. You didn't want to blame him but words just slip out of your mouth.

"And I will", he sounded offended. "But you weren't ready and you told me you were anyway", he said harshly. His tone hurt you and some timid tears fell.

"Please, don't cry. I'm not mad", he said softly.

"How is that even possible?", you asked not believing him.

"I'm not a fucking clairvoyant, you know?", he said, changing his previous soft tone in an angrier one again. "You need to tell me. What if I do something you don't want me to do? I couldn't forgive myself", he blurted out. "What if someone do something to you because you can't say no?", he finally said. There was silence for a moment.

"You don't have to offer yourself so desperately. You need to have some self-respect", he finally said. That made you feel a stabbing pain in the heart. You just couldn't believe he'd said that to you. Your eyes began to water again but you left the room before he could see you upset.

He didn't look for you that night and you didn't either. The words he said replayed in your head over and over and seemed to never leave you. You knew it was your fault. He liked confident girls and all your shit was pushing him away. But you just couldn't forget his hurtful words. You didn't know how fix things and what happed a few days later didn't help either.

Your parents decided to visit you after his trip and found Sehun there, obviously. They never forbade you anything but they were so old-fashioned in terms of boys. A girl living with a boy wasn't something they could completely understand. You didn't realize Sehun was there when you told them he was just a roommate and they didn't need to care at all.

"So I'm just your roommate, huh?", he said when they left. "You still don't believe this is real, do you?", he asked. You didn't know what to answer. It was true though, you didn't believe it. "Tell me when you decide I'm your boyfriend", he said without looking at you as he entered into his room and closing the door behind you, leaving you there devastated.