DRUGS AND LOVE || Hyunlix

sʜᴀʀᴇᴅ sᴘᴀᴄᴇs, ʜɪᴅᴅᴇɴ ᴅᴇsɪʀᴇs

             𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬, 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬

hours passed like a blur, Felix layed in bed, staring up at ceiling with red-rimmed eyes, dry and blank. his hand was gently caressing fur of dog laying curled up against his arm. soft breathing filling the empty space.

he looked out of window and saw it was getting darker, he sat up and rubbed his eyes with back of his hands, taking his time until his eyes started forming different colored shapes, blonde sat up and Kkami followed after.

dog was kind of close to male despite fact that it barely knew human. Felix fixed his hair and opened door, he glanced at both sides before seeing stairs and he walked towards stairway.

Hyunjin was in kitchen, leaning against counter, scrolling through his phone while drinking coffee, waiting for food to heat up on heater. Felix looked around the area, it was minimalistic but every corner screamed 'Hyunjin' . 

Blonde was awkward in place, he decided to go, approach male and talk things out.

his steps felt heavy, unconfident. once he reached kitchen he stood there, hands in pockets. 

"sorry"

taller finally looked up from phone and he saw Felix standing there, expression unreadable, eyes towards floor. "forgiven" he replied. Felix looked up finally, his eyes meeting Hyunjin's. 

"listen, i know it's hard to understand shit i've been thorugh... but i really-" Felix stopped himself from finishing sentence. who was he to beg, his stubborness and pride getting best out of him. but in this moment it was hard to decide if he should continue how things were in past.

he wanted perfect home too, with family. to have friends, normal ones. to attend to school and join different projects. he wanted to celebrate his birthday without wishing he was dead by the time.

"i started attending therapies but i don't really get the idea of that..." he mumbled. Hyunjin turned the heater off and grabbed two white bowl and spoons from cabinet as he listened. "is it solo or group therapy?" "group one, it's kind of boring" male replied, feeling at ease since Hyunjin was wiling to listen. 

Male gestured at table and Felix didn't hesitate and sat on wood chair infront of Hyunjin. he continued, his tone more light and soft. not as deep and lazy. "it's like you're not there to vent and cry because of your problems... you're crying, forced  to cry over someone's problems, you're saying what you've been through, exposing yourself to stangers which probably don't give a fuck about it." Hyunjin put bowl infront of male and said quiet 'dig in' as male continued talking. "and at the end i was never satisfied by how nobody knew what to tell me, or they just forgot. forgot because they never given any fuck about me and my problems."

Hyunjin started eating after Felix shoved big spoonful soup into his mouth, he contiued. "yeah, i was never really joining in conversations but when i did all they said was to smile, fight against demons, haha!" he slurped soup again. "how easy they think it is don't they?" 

Hyunjin smiled and murmured. "you're not as bad as i thought... i like your arguments." "huh?" blonde frowned before his brows weren't furrowed anymore. "oh, you were listening?" taller nodded and finished his soup. Felix smiled and leaned against chair. "you're awesome!" he chuckled.

Hyunjin looked down at Kkami who was sitting politely under table and smirked teasingly. "i would be cooler if i wasn't forced to shove you outside because you're hormones betrayed you." 

Felix chuckled and bit his lower lip. this bitch he thought and glanced back at Hyunjin with grin. he gave empty bowl to Hyunjin who got up to do dishes. 

silence was palpable now, only sound was Kkami's barking at Felix and water running as Hyunjin did dishes. Hyunjin's phone was on desk where Felix was sitting. he felt it buzzing and glanced at it. the message was from Sana. he glanced at male. "it's your girlfriend." Hyunjin's ears shot up at the mention. he turned around and put phone on sleep mode. "she's not." he added. "then what is she?"

"a hook up?"

"situationship?"

"friends with benefits?"

Hyunjin put clean bowls away to let them dry and turned to Felix. "i don't know, i wish i knew... duh." he said and went to livingroom, Kkami and Felix following like ducklings. Hyunjin felt like Felix wasn't that bad at all, perhaps he felt trust in his aura, the way he wasn't doing anything suspicious. but he wasn't another teen either.

Felix sat on couch next to Hyunjin, holding pillow while leaning on another, Kkami jumped on couch too, waggling his tail.

"it's just... she kind of confessed to me, i couldn't really say anything so we just went on a date, after college we hang out most of the time but, it's like i'm doing it because i have to... not because i want to." he explained, fidgeting with the pillow.

"did you guys kissed or had sex already?" Felix asked without hesitation, for him it was just. normal. Hyunjin tensed up slightly before sighing heavily, he looked down  at his fingers which were still holding pillow tight, making veins pop out. "it's- it's complicated."

"why. couldn't get boner?"

"i-"

"i knew it" blonde said with small smirk on his face. "It's not funny." "and who's laughing?" Felix put hand on Hyunjin's shoulder and squeezed it gently. his voice changing into soft whisper. "i know it can be complicating... well i gave it in and you can see me now." he stopped, letting words sink in. "you don't have to force yourself to feel something for someone which you're not ready for yet."

"especially if it's something as important as sex. and if that girl Sana or whatever she is, if she's judging you by your boner and body language, than she's just another bitch, always down bad for looks and physical pleasure." and for a moment Felix thought he was talking about himself, but he brushed it off.

he stayed silent for a second, letting other think of everything he just explained.

Hyunjin chuckled and shook his head. "you're a great therapist..." Felix rolled his eyes and mumbled. "are you serious? and another question, Hyunjin." 

"are you really into girls or there's something else that made you react like that with her?" he asked carefully, knowing it might've hit the nerve. Hyunjin bounced his leg from sudden anxiety attack.

"and that's the only solution you think of?" Felix shrugged. "well for me it was." Hyunjin bit his nail and asked. "and what if there was actually something and not just because boy made you hard?" Felix raised eyebrows and smirked. "and who said i was only seducing boys?" "unbelieveable."

Felix rested his chin on couch headboard, small smile playing on his lips. he stared at male's features, the sharp jaw line and the way his lips pouted when he was in deep thought. he leaned in without thinking, his breath warm against Hyunjin's ear. "wanna test it out?"

Hearing that, Hyunjin quickly pulled back and got up. "too much for today, i said too much." Felix smirked, but deep inside he really wanted to test it out. but not from love. but lust.

Hyunjin glanced at male, his eyes hesitant, so his tone. "i don't have guest room here... so y'know." "sharing bed?" Hyunjin shook his head. "no, just room." he said and disappeared into second floor.

_

he closed the door behind, the cold air of bathroom hitting him like a relief. he took deep breath and touched his chest. his heart. it was beating fast...

was it because Felix was a boy or just because it was Felix?

Hyunjin went to sink to splash cold water on his face, he did it multiple times before looking up at mirror, his gaze intense.

"you like him, huh?" Hyunjin softly, small grin spreading across his face with faint of pink blush on cheeks. "i guess i do."

To be continued...

not your author focusing on singing full lyrics of Monster by skillet instead of focusing on writing this chapter! hope u like how this goes! any expectations?

                        ~𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐊𝐢𝐝~