DRUGS AND LOVE || Hyunlix

ᴘᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ʀᴇᴅ

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐝

been so long since they sat like that, sipping on coffee, on that exact bench. Talking about struggles and their life.

"...but it's like- it's completely making me shiver and shake, i- i don't know how to stop it." Blonde explained the symptoms he had these days, the way his hands shook, the pale skin. Everything.

Jisung noticed it, Felix looked like a ghost, if he wasn't close to blonde, he would be scared of him.

"I thought quitting would be easier for me." He looked down at the cup, his knee bouncing unstoppably.

_

Words. The disgusting words. That still filled his mind with bad thoughts.

They didn't go away.

Just kisses couldn't do what he thought they would.

And there he was, distancing Felix like he never mattered at all.

Every night, if he ever heard Felix's cries for help, or call out his name for cuddles, he ignored it. Every single word.

Words his friends printed in his mind were really working on him. No. He had to be great, he had to do great. To not be a disappointment.

To focus on himself.

Because while following Felix, he forgot to carry himself.

The realization was hard to accept.

Felix was stopping him from being who he actually was.

_

"And it gives me feeling that... Reality isn't the kind one I remember." He took deep breath. "Facing reality without taking pills." He shook his head, just unable to accept fact that quitting was messing with him mentally.

Jisung just sat there, letting Felix find his own pill to swallow.

"I feel like i'm losing people around me, just because I'm changing... To worse or better. I don't know." Blonde sipped on coffee.

He looked up in the sky. "Sometimes i just feel like ending it." His voice broke at last word, vision blurring. But he quickly wiped tears away.

"It's just... There's something that makes me wanna keep going." His voice started to thicken and shake.

"Like if i give up on it... I'll regret it forever. Here or after life." He whispered hoarsley.

"But i feel like, I'm never enough and everyone's using me,"

"I hate it."

"I hate it so much."

_

It was evening. Felix left without letting Jisung talk to him, without letting anyone comfort him.

He reached the house he had planned to call it home.

His phone buzzed.

'i'm staying at friend's, don't wait.'

The message was simple. Like somebody forced Hyunjin to say it. It was like an order. Don't wait.

He walked upstairs, his steps heavy.

When he walked in, he was faced by the large canvas, unfishined painting on it. It was Hyunjin's.

The painting wasn't this dark, he remembered it lighter, full of life, but now it looked messy like Hyunjin didn't care about the exhibition anymore. Even himself.