The Rules of Living with the Avengers

47. Memes are hilarious and don't let anyone meet Peggy.

Peggy and I are sat in the kitchen, exchanging stories about Steve, when Tony and Clint walk in, covered in paint. "Paintball," Tony explains and glanced at Peggy before shrugging and walking to the fridge. Clint just stares. "Um--" Tony seems to freeze in the fridge. "Is that--"

"This is my friend, Peggy," I say happily.

"I'm Steve's friend from the war. He hasn't visited me for a while and I got better," she says. She's so British, I love it.

Tony stays in the fridge for a while and Clint keeps staring. Eventually it gets more awkward than I can handle so I poke Tony. "Um, Ellie?" He says in a weird voice.

"Yeah?"

"I've kind of got my tongue stuck on the wall of the fridge."

"Oh God..."

***
Once we've taken photos and gotten Tony detached from the inside of the fridge, we call up Steve and Bucky. Natasha comes in first, eyes wide. "Agent Carter, I'm a huge fan!" She almost squeals. "You really defined feminism in SHIELD, I mean, you were one of the founding members, right? Along with Howard Stark and I've heard that he treated women like Tony does. And in those times, women weren't even treated as equals and you're so bad ass and...I'm just a huge fan."

"Thank you," Peggy looks bewildered but hugs her. I can see Natasha almost melting. I want my idol to hug me! So unfair. So...ooh Loki's here. And he looks sleepy and he's-

"What the hell have you done to your hair!" I screech.

He looks sheepish. "I got it cut..."

"Why is it curly? Do you--is it naturally curly?" I start to giggle. "Do you...Loki, do you straighten your hair every morning?"m

"Even I'm not that dedicated," Clint says.

"It doesn't even matter. It's just hair. I mean...Oh Odin, it's terrible," Loki groans and collapses in a chair.

"No. I think it looks nice." I decide. "Anyway, this is my Peggy, friend. Wait, no. Other way round. My friend, Peggy."

"Nice to meet you, Peggy," Loki says then rests his head on the table. He falls asleep.

"Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers are currently in the elevator."

"What are they doing?" Tony asks.

"Just talking, sir."

"About what?"

"Tony!" Natasha scowls. "Stop."

"Oh," JARVIS sounds unsettled. "Now they seem to be...they are...kissing. Sir, what should I do now?"

"Start playing Like A Virgin really loudly at them," Tony smirks. "Remind Steve that he needs to keep his virginity intact or he won't get a good husband." Peggy laughs.

"Mr Barnes told me to tell you that you were an asshole and he's coming to beat you up."

"Perfect." Tony looks grumpy. I just wait nervously for Steve. They both come in, a minute later, during Natasha's heated argument with Clint about something stupid. Most is in Russian but occasionally English slips out.

"-a god damn fork, Barton?"

"-tired-"

"-stupid idiot."

"-how dare you-"

"-pregnant-"

Steve was staring. "Ah...hi, Peggy."

"Steve, you've changed." Peggy stands up.

"Says you. You were really ill, Peggy. You-"

"I'm better. Thank you for not visiting."

"I've been busy."

"Clearly," she eyes up Bucky, who shifts uncomfortably. I am enjoying this almost too much. "I'm sure he takes up a lot of time to satisfy." She snorts. "Bucks, good to see you."

"Are you questioning my skill in the bedroom?"

"Never."

I pull a face. Gross. Why are the only old people I know awesome? I'd prefer if Peggy was knitting a knife or something whilst Steve and Bucky -with the actual appearance of old men- exchanged war stories. I don't want to hear about Bucky's skills.

"Shall we get a coffee?" Peggy asks with a smile. Her and Steve hold hands and walk out of the kitchen. Bucky frowns and starts to follow them but Natasha grabs him and hauls him back in.

I start patting Loki's new hair. He reaches up and pats my hand sleepily.

***
That night we're all at an Italian with Peggy to celebrate her...I don't know.

It just seems like a celebration.

I sit down then see the basket of breadsticks and start giggling. I turn to Loki. "How do you feel about Johnlock?"

"Oh, I told you, Ellie. The small man is married and he does not fancy the taller man."

I hastily shove breadsticks into my purse. "I...I..have to go. Sorry. Very sorry." Then I burst out laughing.

I can sense someone staring at me so I turn round and Clint is glaring at me.

"You're a walking meme," he says.

"Pepe out," I mutter and slowly moonwalk to the bathroom.