The Rules of Living with the Avengers

8. Don't throw interventions.

I sit down as Steve comes in the room. He instantly looks alarmed and stares at us all. We stare back. "Steve-" I begin. "This is an intervention about your overuse of Twitter."

"Brother Steve! You are obsessed with this online on the web database of birds!" Thor booms.

"Yeah, Rogers, and your account doesn't even have any hunger games stuff!" Clint says. We all sigh, even Thor.

"Steve, we're just worried," Natasha hits Clint on the arm.

"Captain, it's all for your benefit," Bruce says.

"So get off twitter, Capsicle, before I freeze your account." Tony snaps. Not what we planned but I just go with it.

Steve looks horrified. "Let me say goodbye! Let me tell them who I am!"

"Then you'll delete the account?" I ask and he nods frantically. "Good, thanks for making this easy, Cap, I'm going to watch Doctor Who now."

"I'll come with you," Bruce says. I've recently discovered that I can distract Bruce from anything by telling them that I'll watch Doctor Who with him. It has a 9/10 success rate so far. The only time he didn't want to was at 4am this morning.

He's so not a real fan.

"Actually," Tony claps his hands, "while we're all here I'd like to have an intervention..."

"We just had one," Natasha says then says something in Russian that I'm guessing is a swearword.

"For the rest of us. Especially you, Ellie."

"Me?" I gasp dramatically.

"We'll come to you last. Let's start with our beloved Thor, our alien pal, our warrior, our lightning god, destined for great things, lover of pop-tarts."

Thor looks up, beaming. "Pop-tarts?"

"When are you going to tell Odin that you're living with the Avengers?" Tony asks.

"He'll get mad, Brother Stark, as he does not think highly of you. Except Natasha," Thor adds and Natasha looks disgusted.

"Okay..." Tony smirks then turns to Clint. "Birdbrain-"

"Hunger Games is not an obsession, it's my life. Take it away and I die."

"What he was like before Hunger Games?" I ask Natasha and she sighs: "a lot manlier."

"Tasha," Tony says hesitantly. She glares at him. "Shutting up. Bruce, man, you're perfect. Don't change."

Bruce smiles shyly. God. What a science- bromantic moment.

"Ellie," he starts and I sigh. I don't need an intervention for anything. "Please stop matchmaking and causing trouble and flirting with Capsicle. It makes him uncomfortable."

Steve blushes bright red. "I don't flirt," I object. "And who have I matchmaked?"

"This morning...breakfast...pancakes..." he raises his eyebrows and I realise what he's on about. I shut up.

Everyone looks at us, curiously, but I don't say anything. They'd kill me if they knew. But they're such a good match...shush brain.

Bruce suddenly growls and we all jump. "Brucie?" I say nervously. His body tenses and I look at the others. "Hulking out?" I guess.

"electric-" Bruce pants. "-shock."

I stand up and calmly walk out. "Text me when you've dealt with it!" I yell.

"Piss off!" Clint yells back.