The Rules of Living with the Avengers

3. Don't throw a Captain America party. Coulson will fangirl.

I'm making coffee as Tony staggers into the kitchen, closely followed by a beaming Steve. They both look hot, sweaty and like they've spent a night somewhere together. I smirk.

"You two look all hot and bothered," I tell them.

"Shut it, Potts. I've just spent an hour in a stifling hot room of a super soldier because he broke his laptop and his password thing for his bedroom door." Tony growls at me. "Make me some coffee, woman."

I narrow my eyes at him and he gulps. "Did you just call me woman?" I say. "Do you really want me to make you some scalding hot coffee right now?"

"Uh...I'll make it," Steve says quickly and Tony sits down with a small smile at me.

"Sorry."

"No problem. Just remember that I don't cook or make coffee for anyone. Except people I think are hot. Now what are you doing today?"

"Natasha, Clint and I are on a mission in New Jersey," Steve says.

"And me and Bruce are going to a science conference in Las Vegas." Tony grins. "I'm gonna make Bruce get drunk by spiking his water with vodka-"

"Ahem, Stark," Natasha coughs from the doorway. "Just wondering if you'd like to get your ass changed because Fury's here and he looks mad."

"Aw, Nicky!" I leap into the living room where Fury and Coulson are discussing something loudly.

"-not a babysitter!" Coulson yells.

"What else were you going to do today?"

"Write fanfi-" Coulson spots me. "Hello, Ellie," he says uncomfortably.

"Phil, Nicky," I nod at them. Fury grimaces. Natasha walks in, Clint following her like a lost puppy and Steve close behind, holding his shield. Coulson just stares at Steve as we wait awkwardly.

Finally Tony strolls in. Bruce is behind him, fumbling with his bag and trying to put a jacket on. I smile warmly at him and grab his bag. "Thanks," he says.

"No problem, Bruce. And just a warning, Stark is likely to spike your water with vodka today so don't accept anything from him," I add quietly.

"How do you know?"

"He told me he would."

"Oh." Bruce looks at Tony angrily and Tony smiles back at him. "Come on, guys, let's go."

"Uh, Potts," Fury says quickly. "Coulson will be babysitting you since everyone is busy and Thor is in Asgard visiting his brother. Goodbye!"

I'm left glaring at an empty space with Coulson sulking beside me. Great.

****
"Do you want to watch a film-"

"No," Coulson says. I'm stretched out on the rug, drawing a picture of Steve and Tony in a hot room (my imagination torments me sometimes but when shipping Stony it seems great), whilst Coulson curls up on the sofa, checking his phone.

"How about-"

"I just wanted to spend today updating my Captain America blog and twitter account and Facebook page and maybe writing some fan fiction on Wattpad."

"Well...why don't we check out his room?" I suggest. "I'm bored of drawing anyway."

"He has a password." Coulson says miserably. Okay...so he's tried getting into Steve's room before...that's disturbing.

"It's broken," I say and Coulson finally smiles at me.

"Let's go then!"

***
"Can you just post this on my blog?" Coulson passes me his laptop open on a web-page. I read the address and memorise it for when I need a laugh.