The Rules of Living with the Avengers

51. Don't joke about babies with Steve

"Carrie's crying!"

I groan into my pillow as there's loud footsteps in the corridor outside and Clint starts yelling again, "where did we leave Whaley!"

"Shut up, Barton!" Tony screams through the speakers in every room. Clint starts screaming back at him about Whaley going missing and sick and babies being hard work. Then Highway to Hell starts playing very loudly.

   I jump out of bed and storm downstairs, a very angry girl in her Harry Potter pyjamas. Bruce, Steve and Natasha are in the kitchen, all trying to look after Carrie as well as make sure the toast and eggs aren't burning and attempting to turn the speaker system off in there. "Where's Tony?" I growl.

"Lab," Steve says. "But he's locked it against all of us, claiming that he needs his work to stay secret." Bruce looks guiltily down at the floor but I don't have time to question him now.

"I need peace and quiet because I have an important day." I scowl. They all look blank. "I'm going for a job interview?" Natasha frowns. "At that advertising company?" Bruce hands me a plate of eggs on toast. "Thanks. That almost makes up for the crippling betrayal I feel right now."

"We're a bit busy," Natasha says, holding up the screaming baby. Then she looks confused. "Wait, is your interview today?"

"Oh my Odin..."

"Because you promised to babysit today whilst me and Clint take down an arms dealer in New Zealand."

"Can't someone else do it?"

"Everyone is doing it. You all promised that you would try. I mean, I don't think one of you could do it. Carrie's a handful. I'm starting to think that she is Steve's super-offspring," Natasha said with a smirk.

Steve looks startled. "But we never-"

"Steve, she was-"

"Did you steal my DNA in my sleep?"

"What the..."

"Steve, eat your eggs." Bruce says and hands him a plate. Steve smiles and sits down, too busy focusing on his eggs to worry about the possibility of DNA-theft. "Don't worry, Nat, she'll be fine."

"Tardis won't explode. I promise," I say.

"Carrie."

"Not what the birth certificate says," I remind her. She throws a towel at me and I run out of the kitchen, preparing huge revenge on Tony.