Shutter ❋ Joe Sugg AU

3 ❋ Amelia

I went to the bridge the next day. And the next. It went on like that for seven whole days - seven days of me waking up earlier than necessary to trek for half an hour in my Tesco's uniform, my coat shielding me from the dewey air. Seven days of feeding on my own hope, which was beginning to dwindle by the eighth day. With each trip to the bridge, my motivation to go again died just a little bit. I even tried going in the evenings after work, and on my day off I spent pretty much the whole day in the park with Tyler and Troye. Troye was feeling better now, however he was still restricted from a lot of things because of his awkward cast.

Another seven days passed, and once again it was a Tuesday morning, but two weeks had been and gone since my first visit to the bridge. That morning when I stepped out onto the street with my uncomfortable uniform on, I hesitated between the two directions I could take. There was the short walk to the tube station, or there was the familiar route to the park that I had been walking down every morning.

I couldn't find the will or the hope in me to start walking on that route. I knew what I would find at the end of my walk, and I wasn't sure if I could possibly take another blow. A sense of loss ripped through me, unforgiving and consuming, because in that moment I came to accept that my camera was gone.

Instead of crossing the road I turned right down the busy footpath, and people walked past me without a second glance. I felt shoulders rub against me and heard whisperings of 'how rude', but still I didn't bother to look up from the pavement and walk to the left. I stared at my scuffed shoes as I walked, and each step reminded me of what I was leaving behind. Sadly, the hope in me was gone, just like my favourite thing in the entire world.

"I'm sorry Mum." I whispered, however my words were lost in the bustling crowds, the busy traffic and the sound of feet pounding the pavement.

***

That's fifty nine pounds sixty thanks." I said, aiming a sugary smile at the girl I was serving. She didn't return it, however I had conditioned myself not to be offended after working here for almost a year. My job reminded me of two things - I needed to get another job, and people are really rude.

Dan was working the aisles today so I couldn't even shoot him the occasional eye roll when things became too much. The guy in the checkout next to me was Barry, however he was the type to take his job incredibly seriously (even if it paid him minimum wage and made it him look desperately uncool). It was only ten oclock and already I was itching to get out of there. My revelation this morning was playing on my mind, and it made everything just that little bit more dull and pointless.

Sometimes when Ali wasn't looking I pushed my luck and stole a packet of MnM's or Maltesers. I had a burst of bravery and snatched up one of the packets, my heart beating as I stashed it in the draw that was under the cashier. I felt so lame but it still gave me excitement and satisfaction, something this job would never do on it's own.

As the minutes dragged by I survived by popping the occasional malteser in my mouth, playing a game of 'how long I could go before swallowing'. I think I kept one of them in there for ten minutes, a record I am both proud of and incredibly embarrassed about.

Lunch finally arrived and Dan was already waiting at the table when I got there. He smiled at me as I sat down, his liquid brown gaze locked on me. He had taken the liberty of collecting my lunch for me, and I thanked him with a half hearted smile.

"So, how's the hunt going?" He asked, referring to my annual bridge visits.

"I... I didn't go today."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know... I just realised it was pointless. I've been going for two weeks now and nobody has shown up." I said, staring at the soggy wrap that Dan probably salvaged from the prepared food aisle. It didn't look the least bit appetising but I was hungry so I took a bite.