Shutter ❋ Joe Sugg AU

30 ❋ Dan

I stared at the closed door in disbelief, eyes watering, hands aching and nose running in the wind. I really shouldn't have come out on a day like this with my cold, but my logic seemed to have disappeared.

I walked back to my car and climbed in, wiping away the moisture that kept collecting in my eyes. There was a deep bitterness in my chest, which was tight from a combination of my sickness and hurt. I was sick of the world and everyone in it- Amelia was the only person that brought light in. Now she didn't want to know me.

I drove back to my building with the radio on full volume and the heat cranked up high. The blaring music hurt my ears and I was getting too hot but I didn't change it. The suffering sort of distracted me from everything.

My mood turned even more black when I got up to my empty, cold apartment. I had no food in the fridge to binge on and there was nothing good to watch on tv. I ended up just scrolling through Facebook like a mindless drone for over an hour, occasionally typing out a text to Amelia that I never got the courage to send. I didn't feel like seeing any of my friends, but I still felt like seeing someone.

For a reason I cannot fathom my thoughts drifted towards Phil, the tall boy with memorable blue eyes and messy black hair. He was the one that comforted me on the night that Amelia broke up with me. Since then we had shared social media accounts but I still hadn't spoken to him yet. I seemed to recall having a connection with him, and that he said he wouldn't leave.

In the end he did leave, because I swallowed my sorrows and said goodbye to him, and we parted ways. I had called in sick from work since the day Amelia dumped me so I hadn't seen him there. I didn't know why but I wanted to see him again.

I was always awkward on the phone so instead I sent him a message on Facebook.

Dan Howell:
hey...

Phil Lester:
Oh hey! How are you doing? 😿

Dan Howell:
pretty shit if i'm being honest. sorry for the random creepy message, i just felt like talking to someone.

Phil Lester:
It's not creepy, don't worry ☺️ Sorry to hear you aren't doing so good... Is there anything I can do?

Dan Howell:
i don't know... are you busy right now?

Phil Lester:
No I'm not. Would you like to hang out? 🙊

Dan Howell:
yeah... that would be cool.

I tried not to liken this exchange to some kind of weird tinder hook up. It was perfectly normal to ask someone you barely knew to your apartment when you were feeling lonely, wasn't it?

I sent Phil my address details and after that I hastily went around my flat picking up stray items of clothing and other bits of rubbish. I had a strange flurry of nerves when he sent me a message to say he was outside the building. I buzzed him in and waited in the kitchen for the doorbell to ring.

When it did I took a deep breath and went to let him in. He was wearing a rather ghastly christmas jumper with a laser-shooting eyed robot santa on it. His hair was just as vividly black as I remember it, and his eyes were more icy blue than a frozen lake. He grinned at me and raised his hand for an awkward wave.

"Hi!" He exclaimed.

"Hi..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. There was a pause of awkward silence as we watched each other.