First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 42

  Taytum comes back to my house just before the sun starts to dip, her soft series of three knocks on the door more familiar than it should've been. That is her sign to let me know it's her even though I now have the cameras thanks to Lauren and Kyler. Mom opens the door, greets her with a smile, and steps aside to let her in.

  "Are you hungry?" Taytum asks, looking right at me.

  I nod. "Starving actually."

  She pulls out her phone. "Is pizza good?"

  KK is curled up next to me with her tablet and perks up. "Cheese pizza?"

  Taytum grins. "Cheese and pepperoni. Deal?"

  "Deal!" KK shouts.

  Dinner feels... almost normal. We sit around the coffee table, eating straight out of the box. Mom pours sweet tea into glasses, dad picks pepperoni off his slice trying to get KK to try it, and KK tells a wild story about a cartoon frog she saw on YouTube. Taytum laughs in all the right places, but I keep catching her watching me when she thinks I'm not looking. She is trying not to stare, trying not to worry me but I feel it. That quiet concern. That care.

  After dinner, my parents start gathering their things so they can head home and rest. Mom kisses my forehead and holds my face for a second longer than usual. "You call me, okay? For anything. Natalie should be back in two days. I still don't know why they decided to drive to New Orleans." Mom hugs me, "I love you."

  Dad bends down and gives KK a hug. "You be good for your mama."

  "I will," KK whispers, squeezing his neck like she never wants to let go.

  He comes to me next and hugs me, "I love you baby girl."

  Before they walk out, mom gives Taytum a look. Not a long one. Not a lecture. Just a quiet kind of approval. Once the door closes, the silence feels bigger. KK yawns and rubs her eyes, so I get up to run her bath while Taytum starts picking up plates and glasses.

  We move through it like a team, like we've done this a hundred times. Taytum finishes cleaning the kitchen first, then comes and sits with us in the living room as soon as we get back downstairs. She gently dries KK's hair with a towel, helps brush it out then carries her to her room when she starts to nod off. I stand in the hallway for a second, watching Taytum pull the blanket up over my daughter like she is made for this kind of moment. I finally walk in and kiss KK goodnight, whispering that I love her.

  When we come out and close KK's door behind us, Taytum looks at me and smiles. "She's out."

  "Thanks," I say. My hands are shaking, but I don't back away. "Can we talk?"

  Taytum's face shifted. "Of course."

  I walk downstairs to the couch, sit down, and wait until she sits beside me. There is no easy way to start, but I owe her honesty. I take a breath. "My mom and I talked earlier. About you. About me. About everything."

  Taytum stays quiet, just listening.

  "I told her I'm scared," I said. "That maybe I feel too much. That I don't even know what you feel, I mean really feel, but I can't stop thinking about you and then there's the baby..."

  I feel her body tense, just slightly.

  "She knows?" she asks, voice gentle.

  I nod. "I told her."

  "And what did she say?"

  "That she thinks you're perfect for me," I whisper. "That she sees it. That you see me, the real me and she said not to let it pass me by."

  I turn to face Taytum fully. "I know you said to take time to heal, and I am. I swear I am but if I wait until I'm totally okay, I'm scared you won't be here anymore. That you'll move on, and I'll have missed it."

  Taytum's jaw tightens, but not in anger... just holding something back, like she is afraid saying the wrong thing might break the moment. Then she speaks. "I'm not going anywhere, Dani."

  That should make me feel better. Maybe part of me even believes her but the rest of me, probably the most honest part, is still scared out of my mind. "I don't want to be a burden," I say, my voice quieter now. "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Just because you were there when everything fell apart... doesn't mean you have to stay."

  Taytum's eyes soften. She reaches for my hand, doesn't take it, just waits. I don't move away.

  "I'm serious," I whisper. "You're 21, Taytum. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Here I am, thirty two, with a kid and now another one on the way."

  Taytum's eyebrows lift slightly, but she stays quiet. Lets me keep going.

  "You're amazing with KK, but this?" I gesture to myself. "This is a lot. A newborn. Possibly a custody case. Trauma. Therapy. A woman who's still trying to figure out how to breathe again. That's not fair to you."

  "You think I care about fair?" she says gently.

  "I think you should," I shoot back, quicker than I mean. "I think you deserve easy. You deserve someone who's not still waking up in a cold sweat. Someone who doesn't flinch when the doorbell rings. Not someone dragging all of this behind her like a busted suitcase."

  Taytum shifts on the couch, turning to face me completely now. "Dani, I didn't start caring about you because it was convenient and I didn't stay because it was easy. I stayed because I wanted to. I still do."

  I look away, tears blurring my vision. "I told my mom I'm scared you'll get tired of waiting. Or worse, you'll stay for a while and then realize this isn't the life you want."

  Silence sits heavy between us. Then Taytum speaks, softer this time.

  "Can I tell you what I want?"

  I nod.

  "I want you. Mess and all. I don't care if it's hard. I don't care if it takes time. I just want a chance."

  I blink, holding her eyes. My chest feels too tight to breathe.

  "Even with the baby?"

  Taytum smiles a little. "Even with the baby."

  Tears spill over, and I don't wipe them away. Taytum reaches for my hand again, and this time I let her hold it. "You're not a burden, Dani," she says. "You're a whole damn blessing. Even if you don't see it yet."

  I look at Taytum then, really look. She isn't just saying what I want to hear. She means it but that doesn't make the fear vanish. It just makes it feel real in a new way, like maybe I have more to lose than I thought.

  "I'm still scared," I admit. "Chris is still out there and until he's caught, I'm scared."

  "I know," she said. "Me too."

  That surprises me. "You?"

  Taytum nods slowly. "This... whatever we're stepping into. It's not small. I've never felt anything like this before either, Dani but I'm not walking away from you, not even with Chris still out there."

  My heart clenches. I feel the pull to lean into Taytum, to believe her fully but there is still this quiet part of me that holds back. That doesn't know how to let all the walls come down just yet. She opens her arms without saying a word. I hesitate only a second before moving into them.

  Taytum pulls me close and wraps her arms around me like she isn't planning to let go. I lean into her shoulder, breathing her in, grounding myself in the steadiness of her. It wasn't a kiss. It wasn't a promise. But it was real and it was enough, for now.

  We sit like this for a while, wrapped in something unnamed. Something too new to define but too deep to ignore. The silence holds weight, but not in a bad way. Just the kind that waits and when we finally let go, neither of us say a word.

  We didn't have to. Not yet.