First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 71

   The classroom is quiet. Too quiet.

  Most days, I'm grateful for the peace that comes with my planning period, but today it just makes everything louder in my head. I sit at my desk, a half-filled mug of coffee long since gone cold. My gradebook is open on the screen in front of me, but I haven't typed a thing in twenty minutes.

  All that keeps running through my mind is the papers in the envelope yesterday, but I know exactly what's in there. Chris's signature. The stamped date. The part where he officially terminated his rights to KK.

  It still doesn't feel real.

  I always told myself I'd feel relieved if I had full custody of Kadence, and I do. Partly but there's something else too, heaviness, grief, guilt I didn't expect. Not guilt for him, not sympathy. Guilt for not feeling more... I don't know. Triumphant? It's a weird kind of freedom. Not the kind you celebrate, but the kind that makes you sit down and catch your breath because it means you're carrying all of it now. There's no backup. No fallback. No looming custody battle but also no one else who carries any weight of KK's life but me. Alone.

  Except I'm not alone.

  There's Taytum.

  The thought of her calms something in me instantly. I don't know how she makes everything feel steady, but she does. She always does. I think about how she didn't even flinch about what happened yesterday. She just held me through the fallout, no questions, no conditions. That kind of steady isn't something I'm used to yet. It's something I didn't even know I needed until she became a more permanent part of our lives.

  There's a soft knock at the door, then it opens without waiting. Lauren steps in, with two coffees and her glasses perched up on her head like she forgot they were there. She smiles gently.

  "I brought reinforcements," she says.

  "Thanks." My voice sounds far away, even to me.

  "You got a second?"

  I sit up a little straighter. "Of course."

  Lauren closes the door behind her and walks over, setting the second cup in front of me. She doesn't sit at first. She just leans against the front row desk and studies me for a second, not in that awkward way principals sometimes do, but in a quiet, maternal way that's even more unsettling. She's seen through me since day one.

  I wrap both hands around the coffee cup like it might anchor me. I don't want to cry at work. I don't want to unravel in front of Lauren, my boss and also Taytum's mom. But I also know if she asks me the right question, I probably will.

  "You doing okay?" she asks.

  The words are so simple, but they cut deeper than I expect. I swallow hard and nod. "Yeah... I think so. Just a lot. Yesterday was... a lot."

  "I figured." She sits then, folding her hands in her lap. "Taytum didn't tell me details. Just that yesterday was heavy and that something changed."

  "It was," I say, finally looking at her. "When Chris's parents came by, they brought an envelope from him. He signed over his rights. To Kadence. It's... done." I say, barely louder than a whisper.

  Lauren's expression doesn't shift much, but her eyes soften. "That's huge."

  "Yeah." I nod, staring down at my hands. "I thought I'd feel relieved, feel free," I say. "And I do but at the same time I don't know how I feel. It's like... the floor dropped out from under me, but I'm still standing somehow. It's all mine now. Every decision, every moment, every responsibility."