First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 69

  It's barely past seven when I blink awake, the room IS still dim with early morning light sneaking through the curtains. Dani is curled into my side, her arm draped across my waist, and her face soft in sleep. I don't move for a long time, just watch her breathing, steady and quiet. Her lips parted slightly, her lashes dark against her cheeks. She looks peaceful, and maybe it is selfish, but I want to hold this moment a little longer before the world intrudes.

  My hand slips down to rest on the soft curve of her belly. It is still early in the pregnancy, but I can feel the difference. The way she moves, the way she sleeps, the quiet way she holds her stomach when she thinks no one is looking. Something about it all has made the past few weeks feel more real. We are building something, one slow piece at a time.

  KK is still asleep too and the house is hushed. I press a soft kiss to Dani's temple and gently slide out of bed, careful not to wake her. I pull on sweatpants and one of my hoodies and pad out into the hallway, heading downstairs.

  The kitchen is cool and quiet. I start the Keurig for a cup of coffee and lean against the counter while it brews, letting myself think about everything. Living here now feels good. It feels right. My things are all finally in one place and unpacked. Dani has made space for me without question. And KK... she has made space in her own way too. I still haven't fully wrapped my head around the way she looks at me when she calls me mama T. Like it is the most natural thing in the world.

  I grab my cup of coffee and walk into the living room. The sun has started to come up more now, painting the walls with a soft gold. I stand there in the middle of it, letting it warm my skin, and for a second I feel something tighten in my chest. Not fear. Just the weight of it. How much I love this life. How much I want to make it permanent.

  The thought hits me again, as clear as it had been yesterday when I was talking to mama. I want to marry Dani. Not someday. Not years from now. I want it sooner. I want her to know that this was it for me. Her, KK, the baby. Our life. I just do not know how to bring it up. I don't want to make her feel rushed or overwhelmed.

  But I know. And I think part of me has known since that day at the OB appointment. That moment when she reached for my hand and looked at the ultrasound like it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

  I am still standing here when I hear footsteps upstairs. Then KK's sleepy voice calling out, "Mama T?"

  I set my coffee down and head toward the stairs. "I'm down here, princess."

  KK comes into view, messy-hair and dragging her blanket behind her. Her little eyes lit up when she saw me. She runs the rest of the way and I scoop her up.

  "Do you want breakfast or snuggles first?"

  "Both," she mumbles into my neck.

  I carry KK back to the couch and we curl up together, her head resting against my chest. I rub small circles on her back and hum something soft. Within a few minutes she perks up.

  "Can we build a fort today? Like a big one? With pillows and the blankets and the chairs and the couch and everything?"

  I laugh. "You mean a mega fort?"

  "Yeah!"

  "Absolutely. After breakfast but only if you help."

  KK grins and nods. "Deal."

  Dani wanders down a little while later, still sleepy but so beautiful. She smiles when she sees us snuggled together on the couch.

  "Good morning," I said.

  "Morning," Dani replies, walking over to kiss the top of KK's head and then mine. She disappears into the kitchen and I hear her making a cup of coffee.

  We make breakfast together. KK cracks the eggs and gets a little shell in the bowl, and Dani fishes it out without flinching. I flip pancakes and Dani handles the fruit. KK sneaks a strawberry from the bowl and grins when Dani catches her, and for a moment it feels like time has slowed down. The sun pours through the kitchen window, casting light over us, and I realize how much I want my mornings just like this. The three of us, no rush, no pressure, just being. We sit around the table and eat like we have done it forever. KK talks about her favorite parts of pre k and tries to convince us she saw a real fairy on the playground last week. Dani listens like it is gospel, her chin propped in her hand, smiling through every word. I watch them both, my heart is full it almost aches.

  After breakfast, we start on the fort. KK is a girl on a mission. She directs us like a tiny general, pointing to which chairs need to go where and which blankets make the best roof. Dani laughs when I hit my head on the table trying to tuck a blanket corner.

  "You okay?"

  "Only my pride is bruised."

  KK cackles and pats my head. "You gotta duck, Mama T."

  "Noted."

  Eventually the fort is finished and we crawl inside. It took up half the living room. Dani brings in snacks and the laptop for movies, and KK curls between us with a bowl of popcorn in her lap.

  Halfway through the second movie, she drifts off. Her head tilted against my arm, her breathing deep and even. Dani leans in and whispers, "She was so excited this morning while we were fixing breakfast. She couldn't stop talking about the fort."

  I nod, brushing a stray hair from KK's forehead. "She's got the best imagination."

  Dani looks at me for a long second, her eyes soft. "She loves you."

  "I love her too."

  "And me?"

  "More than anything," I say without thinking. "You know that."

  Dani reaches for my hand and holds it in the quiet space between us. We sit like this, in a blanket fort, with popcorn between us and KK snoring softly, and it feels like the most perfect place in the world.

  Eventually we shift out from under the blankets and let KK nap a little longer. Dani and I stand in the kitchen, both of us barefoot, sipping the last of our coffee. I can still smell the warmth of breakfast in the air. Syrup, coffee, the faint tang of orange juice. It feels like home.

  Dani tilts her head as she looks at me because I am just looking at her. "Penny for your thoughts?"

  I shrug. "Just thinking."

  There is a pause. Not awkward, just heavy with meaning.

  "You want to talk about it?" she asks.

  "Soon," I say. "I just want today to be ours."

  Dani steps forward and wraps her arms around my waist. I lean into her.

  "Today is perfect," she says.

  And I know she means it. And so do I.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon wrapped in softness. Snacks, movies, quiet giggles. KK wakes up ready to play again and we let the day stretch out lazy and warm. Every time I look at Dani, she looks back like she sees something steady in me and maybe she does. Because I have never been more sure of anything than I am of this. Her. KK. The baby.

  This family we are building and soon, I will find the words to ask her the question sitting quiet and certain in my heart.