First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 50

  I toss the last paper in my drawer and let out a slow breath. The hum of the fluorescent lights and the faint chatter in the hallway remind me I am still at work. But my mind is somewhere else. Taytum.

  I haven't said anything about the kiss. Not yet. Not about how Taytum whispered, "I love you," twice now, and then, "look at our baby," like it meant more than just surprise or tenderness. Like it meant everything.

  My stomach flipped the first time she said it and honestly it hasn't settled since. Then add in my first day and her showing up unexpectedly.

  All day I catch myself zoning out. Thinking about her. Wondering what comes next. Wondering what I am supposed to say. The way Taytum looks at me lately does something to me. Stirs something deep but the fear lingers too.

  She's only twenty-one. Young. Still figuring life out and here I am, bringing trauma, a four-year-old, and a baby I didn't plan.

  What if it's too much?

  Still, I can't stop the way my chest tightens every time I think about her hands in mine. Her laugh. Her calm presence. The way she never pushes. She just stays. I don't know how to be around her without feeling everything. I don't know how to fake casual when all I want is to turn toward her and let it happen.

  Let us happen but I am scared.

  The final bell rings, snapping me out of it. I shake my head and stand, grabbing my bag.

  By the time I walk through the door, the sound of laughter pulls me out of my spiral. KK's little voice, followed by Taytum's, drifts from the living room. My feet slow on the hardwood. I peek around the corner and there they were. KK sits on the floor surrounded by crayons and paper, and Taytum is beside her holding up a drawing that looks like a lopsided cat in sunglasses.

  "What do you think, KK? Future art prodigy?"

  KK giggles. "It looks like a potato."

  "A stylish potato."

  I smile. I can't help it. Taytum gently bumps KK's elbow, making her laugh again. KK leans into her like she belongs there. That tight feeling in my chest comes back.

  Taytum looks up and sees me standing in the doorway. Her whole face softens, like I am what she's been waiting on all day.

  "Hey," she says, like it is the easiest word in the world.

  "Hey," I say back, quieter.

  KK's head snaps up. "Mommy!" She runs to me, arms flying around my waist.

  I bend down and hug her tight. "Hey baby. I missed you and I love you."

  "I love you, mommy. I missed you. Can I go back to coloring?"

  I smile and run my fingers through her hair. "Of course, baby. Go ahead."

  She takes off again, right back to her spot beside Taytum.

  Taytum looks at me and smiles. "I forgot to ask what time you got off. I didn't want to start dinner too early."

  "You don't have to cook just because you're babysitting," I say, slipping off my bag.

  "I know. I like doing it though."

  Something about how she says that makes me pause. It wasn't just the words. It's how she does these little things without expecting anything back. No pressure. No agenda. Maybe that's why it hits me so hard.

  I just stand here for a second, watching her. The easy way she carries herself. The way she looks at KK. The steady calm she brings, even when I am falling apart. She doesn't know what she means to me. Not really. I look at her, heart full, something cracking open.

  "You wanna help me with dinner and maybe stay to eat?"

  Taytum lights up with a smile that shows her dimples. "I'd love to."

  We move into the kitchen together. I pull out the ingredients while Taytum washes her hands. We found a rhythm, like we always do. She chops vegetables while I stir the skillet, our movements falling into a kind of quiet dance.

  At one point, she leans across me to grab a spatula and our arms brush. I feel it like a jolt. The air shifts. Heavier. Charged. We don't say much. Didn't have to. The quiet between us carried everything.

  Dinner is simple. Pasta, salad, garlic bread. But it tastes like more just because she was in the kitchen with me.

  The three of us sit around the table. KK chatters between bites, telling pre-k stories with spaghetti sauce on her chin. Taytum laughs like she is hearing the funniest thing in the world. KK asks if she likes unicorns. Taytum teases her, saying dragons were obviously cooler.

  I watch them, my heart swelling, throat tightening. I didn't even notice I'd stopped eating. I just can't stop watching them. My daughter and the woman I have fallen in love with.

  After dinner, Taytum stands and starts gathering plates without being asked.

  "KK," I say, standing too, "go play in the playroom for a little bit, okay? I need to talk to Taytum."

  KK nods "okay mommy," and skips off like she hasn't just eaten half a loaf of garlic bread.

  I turn to Taytum at the sink. "You wanna help me clean up?"

  "Of course." She gives me that duh face like I should've known better than to ask.

  We move through the kitchen together, hands brushing now and then, that same quiet rhythm building between us.

  As she reaches past me for a towel, I turn without thinking. My hands find her face and I kiss her... soft at first, then deeper, searching.

  Taytum freezes for a second, then melts into it. Her arms come around my waist. My hands slid up her neck. Her mouth moves against mine like we are starving. Starving for this, for each other.

  I don't care about the past or the future or how complicated it all is. All I know is this kiss. This moment. This feeling.

  When our lips part, she searches my eyes. "Dani..."

  I don't let her finish. I kiss her again, harder this time, deeper. Full of everything I have held back. Taytum gasps into it. I press close until her back hits the counter. My hands clutch her waist, pulling her in like I can make all of this permanent just by holding tight enough.

  I grab the hem of her shirt like I need her closer but my heart just beats faster.

  Taytum doesn't hesitate. Her hands tangle in my hair. Her kiss matches mine, just as fierce.

  My whole body burns. All my walls, the fear, the hesitation, they are gone. Burned away in the heat between us.

  When we finally pull apart, breathless, lips swollen, I look into those blue eyes and let the words fall.

  "I love you."

  It comes out quiet. Honest.

  "I'm in love with you, Taytum."

  There it was. All of it. No hiding. No backing down.

  She doesn't say anything right away. She just pulls me into a hug, grounding and tight.

  We stand there for a while, wrapped up in each other, letting the silence hold us and for once, I'm not afraid. I feel seen. I feel held. I feel home. "I love you Dani."