First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 34

   Tears start to form in Dani's eyes, and I reach up to softly wipe one away.
"I'll gladly hold you, Dani. For as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

  I lay back on the couch, pulling Dani with me. She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest like it's second nature. I hold her close, hoping to give her some kind of comfort, some sense of safety.

  As we lie there, I hear soft sobs escape her. It breaks something in me.

  In between the quiet cries, she whispers, "I'm sorry for being like this."

  I move my hand slowly up and down her back. "You don't have to be sorry. You found out something awful, you're allowed to fall apart. I'll be here to help you piece it back together. Whatever you need."

  Her sobs eventually fade, replaced by steady, heavy breathing. She's asleep.

  I glance down at the woman in my arms, watching her features soften with sleep. Even with tear-streaked cheeks, she's beautiful. Strong, in that quiet, heavy way that comes from surviving more than anyone should have to. My chest tightens. If I could take her pain from her, I would, without hesitation.

  I look up at the ceiling and let my mind drift. I think about what could've been if things hadn't gone sideways. If Chris hadn't shown up again, if Dani hadn't been hurt. I know I can't live in the what-ifs forever, and I won't but right now, all I want is to be here for her. However she needs me.

  A soft voice cuts into my thoughts. "Mommy?"

  I turn to see KK rubbing sleep from her eyes. She blinks up at me, about to yell my name, I can see it coming, so I bring a finger to my lips and motion for her to be quiet. She grins, then nods.

  I carefully shift Dani toward the back of the couch and slide out from under her.

  I smile at KK. "Hey, princess. Let's let your mommy rest a little longer." She grabs my hand and tugs me toward the kitchen.

  "Mommy silly. She fell asleep on you." KK giggles, then her stomach growls loud enough to echo. "I'm hungry, TayTay. Can you fix me something?"

  I squat in front of her. "Of course. What do you want?"

  She sticks out her lip in a dramatic pout, thinking hard. Then her face lights up. "Mac n cheese!" she says, rubbing her belly.

  I laugh and help her onto a stool at the island. "Deal. You sit there and tell me about your time with your grandparents."

  She starts rambling before I even open the microwavable cup of noodles. She talks the whole three and a half minutes it takes and when I stir in the cheese. Right as I finish, she slides off the stool and peers over the counter.

  "Is it done yet?"

  I hand her the bowl. "All yours. Careful, it's hot." I blow on a spoonful, pass it to her, and she squeals, getting back onto the stool like she's about to enjoy a five-star meal.

  "Grandpa let me eat ice cream for breakfast," she says between bites. "And grandma said not to tell mommy."

  I raise a brow. "But you're telling me?"

  She shrugs. "You're not mommy." She gets serious. "But if you were, I'd still tell you. I like telling you everything. I would tell mommy too because I like telling her everything."

  I don't know what to say to that. My heart aches. She has no idea how much I wish things were different. That she could always feel safe and happy and loved.

  I reach over and gently tuck a wild strand of hair behind KK's ear. "I like when you tell me things, princess."

  She smiles with a mouth half full of mac and cheese.

  I pause for a second, then lower my voice just a little, not too serious, just enough for her to hear it. "Thank you for telling me about your mommy earlier. That was really brave. You helped me take care of her, and that means a lot."

  KK stops chewing for a second. Her eyes drop to her bowl, then back up at me. "I didn't know what else to do... I just got really scared." Her voice cracks a little. "I didn't want mommy to get more hurt."

  I lean in and rest my hand over hers gently. "You did exactly the right thing, baby. You helped keep her safe."

  She nods slowly, biting her lip like she's holding something in. Then she climbs off the stool and wraps her arms around my waist. I crouch down so I can hug her back, letting her hold on as long as she needs. When she pulls away, there's a little more peace in her face.

  I start washing the few dishes in the sink, moving quietly so I don't wake Dani. A few minutes pass, then I hear the soft sound of bare feet on the floor.

  I glance up, and there she is. Dani stands in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest like she's trying to keep herself together. Her eyes are swollen and red, face pale. Still beautiful. Not in some polished, perfect way. In a real way. In the way people look when they've been cracked open but keep going anyway.

  KK hears her and turns so fast she almost knocks over the bowl. "Mommy!" she shouts and launches off the stool.

  Dani barely steadies herself before KK crashes into her legs. She bends down and picks her up, eyes closing like holding KK is the one thing keeping her grounded.

  "I love you so much, mommy."

  "I love you more, baby girl," Dani whispers into her hair. Then she looks at me and the room just... stills.

  Dani's eyes lock with mine, and it's like she's speaking without saying a word. There's hurt in her gaze. Tiredness but underneath it, something else, something raw and reaching. She's trying to trust again. Trying to believe there's something better waiting for her.

  I step forward, not too close, just enough. I see you. I'm here.

  KK leans back and looks up. "You okay, mommy? You fell asleep on TayTay."She says as she laughs.

  Dani offers a tired smile. "I'm okay now, baby. I just had a really hard day."

  KK looks between us. "TayTay make you feel better?"

  Dani's eyes find mine again. Her smile shifts, softer now. "Yeah, she does."

  KK turns, reaching for me. "TayTay, can you hug mommy? Hugs fix things."

  God. This kid. She shouldn't have to know that yet.

  I step closer. Dani adjusts KK in her arms and leans in so I can wrap mine around them both. I rest my hand on Dani's back, cheek against KK's hair. Dani exhales, and I feel it in her body, the tension easing, the weight lifting just a little.

  KK giggles. "See? I told you. Hugs fix things."

  "Maybe you're right, baby," Dani says quietly.

  We stay like that a little longer, the three of us in our own quiet world.

  Eventually, KK wiggles down and hops back onto her stool, happily diving into what's left of her mac and cheese like nothing ever happened.

  Dani wipes her eyes, and when she looks at me, there's something unspoken in her expression. Something vulnerable. Real.

  I lower my voice. "KK said something earlier, when she got home and I took her upstairs so you could talk. She said you got hurt. That Chris hurt you."

  Her face tenses for just a second. She nods, barely.

  "Okay," I say gently. "You don't have to talk about it. I just wanted you to know, I heard her and I'm here."

  She lets out a breath like she's been holding it for hours. "Thank you. For everything."

  Before I can respond, KK raises her spoon high and announces, "Mac n cheese is my favorite and so is TayTay and Mommy!" Cheese on her lips. A big grin on her face.

  And just for a second, maybe that's all that matters.

  I grab napkins. Dani pulls two bottles of water from the fridge and hands me one. We don't say much. We just move around the kitchen like we've done this before. Like maybe we'll do it again.

  Like maybe this thing between us, whatever it is, is something worth holding on to.