First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 35

  I wake up to the quiet hum of the house and glance at the clock, 8:30. I never sleep this late. Taytum must've already gotten up with KK, because by now her little feet usually sound like a stampede. I roll to my side and stare at the empty spot where Taytum laid with me last night because I didn't want to be alone. I inhale deep, let it fill my chest, and push myself to sit up.

  Today's the day I stop hiding. The day I take my power back.

  I grab Chris's old phone from the drawer in my nightstand. I charged it yesterday after checking that the video was still on it. I didn't have to watch the whole thing. Just the sound of his voice... my body like a corpse on that bed. I knew what it was. Knew exactly what night. My stomach turns even thinking about it, but I can't let fear keep running my life. He's done enough damage. He was supposed to be my best friend. It's time I end this.

  I sit on the edge of the bed for a minute and just stare at the phone in my hand. My fingers won't stop shaking. My mouth's dry. It's like every part of me wants to stay frozen, to back down. But I won't. Not this time. I close my eyes, count to five, and stand.

  I throw on clothes and head downstairs. KK's humming some little song while drawing on a napkin at the kitchen table. Taytum's by the stove, her back to me, but she turns as soon as I walk in. I see it in her eyes, she knows something's up.

  "Morning," she says gently.

  "Morning." I walk over and kiss KK on the forehead, brushing her hair back. "You being good for TayTay?" Taytum laughs under her breath, and I already know it's because I used KK's nickname for her.

  KK beams. "Yep. She made pancakes with chocolate chips. But don't worry, mommy, I brushed my teeth after."

  I laugh too, but it feels like it's on autopilot. I glance at Taytum, already waiting. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" I ask. She nods and follows me to the living room. Once we're out of earshot, I pull the phone from my back pocket.

  "I'm going to the police. I have the video. I'm done being scared."

  Taytum doesn't look shocked. She just steps in close and cups my cheek. "I'll stay with KK. You do what you need to do. I'm proud of you." She says it so calmly, so steady, like she's not going anywhere and I believe her. She presses a kiss to my forehead before I can even say thank you. Not rushed. Not dramatic. Just quiet and firm, like she knows I need to feel anchored. She always knows when I need something before I ask.

  Something in me cracks, but I hold it together. I nod, grab my shoes, keys, and head for the door.

  "Bye mommy, love you!" KK calls behind me.

  "I love you more, baby," I manage, and leave before I lose it. I usually don't go anywhere without hugging her, but if she'd hugged me back right then, I would've completely broken down. She doesn't need to see me like that.

  The drive is a blur. My palms stick to the steering wheel. I keep the radio off because I can't stand the noise. I keep replaying how it all happened—how I buried it, how I pretended, how I let him keep that power over me. But that ends today.

  The police station feels colder than it should. Not just the air. The walls, the lighting, the way people avoid eye contact. I stand at the front desk, hands clenched around the phone. When the officer finally looks up, I speak before I can overthink it.

  "I need to report a crime. It's not recent, but I have proof."

  His face goes neutral. He tells me to wait. Fifteen minutes later, a detective comes out. She looks around forty, calm but serious, and leads me into a small interview room.

  "I'm Detective Lawson. You said you have something to report?"

  I nod. "It's about my ex... and ex-best friend. His name is Chris. One night, a few years ago, he did something to me I didn't agree to. I was unconscious. I couldn't consent and he recorded it. I didn't know about the video until recently. After I had my daughter, he also pressured me into dating him. It was awful. "

  She leans forward. "Do you still have the video?"

  My hands are shaking, but I turn the phone on and pull up the file. I slide it across the table.

  "I couldn't watch the whole thing but I know what it is. I know what happened."

  She nods, takes the phone. "Thank you. I'll need a full statement. We'll hold onto this and review everything. If what you're describing is confirmed, we'll absolutely pursue criminal charges."

  That's the first time I feel a tiny bit of air in my lungs.

  I tell her everything. Names. Dates. How I got the video. How Chris denied it. The pictures he took without asking. The threats. The manipulation. It takes over an hour, but I don't hold anything back.

  When I'm done, Detective Lawson looks at me and says, "You did the right thing. I know that wasn't easy. If he tries to contact you, call us. And if you feel unsafe at any point, don't wait to reach out."

  I leave feeling like my legs barely work. Like I've been underwater and the light stings. But it's the kind of sting that comes with healing. The kind that means I took a step forward.

  When I walk back into the house, it smells like pancakes and crayons. KK's on the floor drawing, her tongue poked out in concentration. Taytum's in the kitchen cleaning up, her hair in a messy bun and a short sleeve shirt showing an arm tattoo I've never seen before.

  She looks up, freezes just a second, then walks toward me. "Hey."

  "It's done," I say, voice dry. "I gave them everything. They're taking it seriously."

  Taytum doesn't say anything. She just wraps her arms around me and holds me. And not just for a second. She holds on like she knows I need time to catch up to myself. Like if she lets go too soon I might fall apart on the floor. I don't cry. Not yet. But my whole body gives in like I've been holding myself up for too long.

  "I'm proud of you," she whispers.

  "I was so scared."

  "I know. But you still did it."

  Her hands stay steady on my back. I can feel the warmth of her palm through my shirt. She's always so calm when I'm spiraling, like she's made of something heavier than whatever I'm fighting. She never asks me to explain. She never makes it about fixing me. She just makes space. And I need that more than anything.

  We're still holding each other when KK notices.

  "Mommy!" she calls, holding up her drawing. "I made this for you!"

  I pull back enough to smile. "Let me see, baby."

  She runs over and hands it to me. It's a picture of three stick figures holding hands under a giant yellow sun in a field of flowers.

  "That's me," she says, pointing to the smallest one. "And that's you. And that's TayTay."

  I look up. Taytum's already looking at me.

  And that's when it hits me, I'm finally starting to live again. I faced something terrifying, and the world didn't end. I'm standing here, in my kitchen, with my daughter and the woman who's helped me survive all of it.

  It's not over. Chris will fight. He'll lie. But I'm not alone and I'm not scared of him.

  Not anymore.