First Crush, My Forever

Chapter 47

  Two weeks. That's how long it has been since Christmas when I told Taytum to go home. Since then, I've still been going to therapy but increased it to three times a week. It hasn't been easy, but it's helping. The weight on my chest is still there, but I'm starting to breathe through it instead of suffocating under it. I'm learning how to untangle the pain instead of pretending it doesn't exist. Add in my pregnancy hormones and I have been a mess.

  Taytum still comes by after her classes. Some nights, she stays in the guest room. Other nights she stays at her house or we sit on the couch, but it's not like it was. The easy, late-night talks aren't easy right now. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we just sit in silence. Sometimes I can barely look at her without feeling the weight of what I said on Christmas but she keeps showing up anyway. And even when the space between us feels heavy, having her near still makes it easier to breathe.

  Today, KK is with my parents so they can spend time with her and so I can get some rest. Instead, I find myself walking the short path over to Taytum's house. Her mama, Lauren, had invited me over for what she called "a little break."

  Lauren opens the door with a smile that instantly puts me at ease. "Come in, sweetie. I've got fresh sweet tea and chocolate chip cookies, per Kyler's request."

  By the time I am seated at the kitchen island with a glass of tea in hand, we are already laughing. It feels good. Normal.

  "I heard through the grapevine you've got a way with words," Lauren says, giving me a playful look.

  I blink. "Uh, I guess I do alright. Why?"

  "There's a job opening. Creative writing teacher at the school. It's not posted yet, but I'm the principal, and we need someone fast."

  I sit up straighter. "Wait, are you serious?"

  "As serious as it gets. I can get your resume in early. The school board trusts me, and Taytum made sure I knew about you. I would have talked to you sooner about it but wanted all of us to get through Christmas first."

  That lands harder than I wanted it to. Taytum hadn't said anything to me about the job.

  "Send me your resume," Lauren says. "Actually, let's go ahead and fill out the application together if you're interested. Might as well do it right."

  "I thought you were still at the university," she adds.

  "Oh... no. Chris happened, so I'm not there anymore."

  Lauren nods, her expression shifting just enough to say she understands and doesn't need the details. We sit side by side at her laptop, working through the questions, cleaning up my answers, and uploading the documents I emailed from my phone.

  When we finish, she leans back and claps her hands. "Done. I'll make a few calls. You'll have an interview before the week is over, maybe even an offer that way you should be able to start as soon as school starts back after Christmas break."

  I stare at her, stunned. "I don't even know how to thank you."

  "Thank Taytum," she says. "If she hadn't spoken up, someone else might have taken the spot."

  Before I can respond, the front door opens. A moment later, Taytum comes around the corner and into the kitchen. She pauses when she sees us.

  Our eyes meet, and everything else disappears. We don't say anything. We don't need to. That look carries everything.

  Want. Fear. Hope. Longing.

  Taytum clears her throat and breaks the moment. "Hey," she says, voice rough.

  "Hey," I respond, softer than I mean to.

  She hugs her mama. "You good?"

  "I'm always good," Lauren says, but she is clearly watching both of us.

  Taytum grabs a water bottle from the fridge and twists the cap off like she is mad at it. "I'm heading to the home gym for a little bit."

  "Alright, don't overdo it," Lauren calls after her.

  Taytum doesn't look back at me before she leaves. Silence fills the room again.

  Lauren turns to me, casual but direct. "So what's going on between you and my daughter?"

  I almost choke. "What?"

  She laughs. "Come on. That wasn't a casual look. That was soul-talking."

  I rub the back of my neck. "I don't know. I mean... I know how I really feel. I've known for a while. I just don't know if she's ready to hear it, or if I'm brave enough to say it."

  Lauren leans forward on her elbows. "Let me tell you something. Timing is never perfect. But when something good finds you in the middle of the mess, that's grace. You don't ignore that. Trust me, I know. I've lived it."

  I look down and start fidgeting with my tea glass.

  "She looks at you like you hung the stars, Dani. Just don't let fear make the decision for you."

  I nod slowly, her words settling deep. Then my phone rings in my pocket. The screen shows Detective Lawson.

  My stomach drops.

  I answer with a shaky, "Hello?"

  "Hi, Ms. Howard. This is Detective Lawson. I wanted to update you personally. We've located and arrested Chris Langston."

  I freeze.

  "He's in custody now," she continues. "His bail has been revoked due to the severity of the charges and because he's a flight risk. He's not getting out this time."

  I grip the edge of the counter like I need it to hold me up. "Thank you," I whisper. "Thank you so much."

  "I'll keep you posted if anything changes. You did the right thing, Ms. Howard."

  I nod, even though she can't see it. "Okay. Thank you again."

  When the call ends, I set the phone down and stare at it. Then it hits me.

  He was caught. Gone.

  No more checking the locks three times every night.

  No more panicking when someone knocks on the door or rings the doorbell.

  No more walking to the car with keys between my fingers. No more flinching at shadows.

  It is over.

  I break open.

  The sobs come fast and deep. Lauren is beside me right away, holding me like she already knows what I need.

  "I've got you, sweetie. Let it out."

  I cry harder than I ever have. Shaking, breathless, gutted. Every piece of me cracks wide open.

  I don't hear the footsteps until it is too late to hide the wreck I've become. When I look up, Taytum stands frozen in the kitchen doorway. Her eyes flicked from me to her mama, then back to me. Her jaw clenches when she sees my tear-streaked face.

  "Is everything okay?" Her voice is sharp with concern.

  Lauren and I both jump a little at the sound of her voice.

  I wipe my eyes. "They caught him," I say. "Chris. He's in jail. No bail."

  Taytum's mouth opens and closes again. Her face softens with relief, but behind it is something stronger. Protective. Unshakable.

  She walks over and wraps an arm around me. "You're safe now," she says.

  I nod. The weight is still there, but it doesn't crush me. Not this time.

  Lauren gives my shoulder one more squeeze, then stands. "I'll leave y'all alone. I've got a call to make."

  She steps out, and for a moment, the kitchen feels still.

  I look at Taytum. She looks at me.

  Neither of us move, but everything inside me does.