How Phil made it to such a town like this, I couldn't tell you, but I'm positive about the fact that I need to keep myself away from him. I used to reach out to him via the Internet, seeing if maybe he was into the idea of seeing each other again... but he said no. And then I couldn't afford wifi and now I use a payphone for everything. There's a payphone in the back of the store, and it's stuck on a nickel someone tried to force in one time, so now it pays from the nickel. Always. So I use that. Never spoke to him again.
Before I leave, I grab a bag of chips off the shelf and walk up to the front to close up. The large orange and green neon hanging by a thread above the store shuts off first, then the lights inside. Soon the only thing shedding light is the glowing cup of Slurpee in the back of the store. I lock the door and leave for my apartment.
Phil was lighting a cigarette in front of my apartment building when I had finished parking my car and walked up to the front. "Long time no see," he murmured, after taking a long draw. I nodded. "Didn't want to make myself a burden," I said. I was about to walk inside when he spoke: "You wouldn't have been a burden, just an irritation." I stopped. "Oh, so there's a difference? When I finally got the hint from you and Sean and all the others I thought for sure none of you would've wanted me to be even in a five mile radius," I spat. Phil just stood there. I couldn't make out his face but I could see his contemplation, the amber glow of his cigarette burning a bit brighter with each inhale. "You freaked me out, man," he said. He flicked off the ash at the end of her cig with his finger. A bit of ash fell and landed on the pavement. It sizzled out with a hiss. "Came on too strong, claiming that every dream you had was of this fantasy relationship we would have. Uncomfortable..." Phil whispered. His voice could barely be heard in a place where everything echoes. How strange it is that he's just that amazing and could have that effect? "Sorry. I thought you'd want the truth," I said. I was totally done here; the door purposefully slammed behind me, leaving Phil exposed to the cool night air.
* * *
Phil used to tell me he liked to stargaze. He counted the stars like he counted the freckles on his face. I never found a telescope in his room but I took his word for it. So following in his footsteps, I watched the quivering lights in the sky and collected my thoughts. I ended up falling asleep on the roof and being late for work.
He was waiting for me, music pumping from his car radio. There was cash in his hand and his fingernails were chewed to the quick. I parked at my tank and walked up to the front, my keys jangling. Phil saw me and got out of his car. "You finally showed up," he said loud enough for me to hear. I rolled my eyes and continued unlocking the door. Eventually it opened up, and I managed to get inside and turn on the lights. Phil glided over to the travel section and cradled deodorant in his hand as I unlocked the cash register. Finding everything he needed, he walked over to the counter to pay for his things. "You still want your stuff you forgot from last night?" I asked, holding up his bag of chips. Phil rolled his eyes and stuck out a wad of bills to me. "Being in a band definitely made you more brash." I gave him change. Said nothing more and closed the drawer when... "I should just ban you from my store," I said. Phil was obviously taken aback. I could tell because his nostrils flared. "I haven't even done anything wrong!" He said, throwing his hands in the air. "Not yet!" I screamed, "but I know you will because you've done it before, and I'm sure as hell not letting you do it again!" We were both so caught up in the moment that we had gotten up in each others' faces. His nose was inches away from my mouth, and I got a clear view... he had no freckles.
* * *
I left the 7-Eleven at five for a change. I wanted to go home to see Phil. I needed to get the record straight.
My tattered El Camino burst into the parking lot, tires skidding across the pavement. I jumped out. My world was spinning; everything felt like a movie. That was when I noticed that there was no car. His blue lemon wasn't in the spot it had been in before.
I ran into my apartment building and down the hall to where her door was. Banging on his door made lots of noise that would've gotten her attention, but it wasn't until a few moments after disturbing the eerie silence I noticed the slip of lined paper crinkled at my feet.
I've left here for another town, then I'm on my way to New York City to visit my brother. You brought back too many memories that I've spent so much of my time trying to rid myself of. Maybe in another life we'll meet again and even it all out, but for now, don't ever try to see me again.
-P.L.
END
