Her Hatred Patient.

Chapter 77

"Parthiv, it would be great if we didn't speak about anything that brings up our past. It feels so difficult to open up, and if it happens by any chance, we will never be the same."

"Still, I want you to open up with me. On the surface level, you are convincing yourself that you shouldn't think about that and trying your best to focus on the present and be happy, but deep down, we both know that we want to resolve this tangle. I don't want to pressure you, but I've noticed that you've been holding onto that situation for the past eight years, and if I am not wrong, you'd like to discuss it with someone who can provide the comfort and space you need. Perhaps, I think we've reached a point where we can be each other's comfort, although from a wider perspective, it's not even a past that needs to be haunted in our lives. As you said, we will never be the same. I am still okay with that. Right now, speaking up and letting out our thoughts, emotions, and perspectives is important for me instead of acting like nothing happened, instead of hesitating to be part of the deep talks or running away when someone is trying to open up about what they are feeling in their true self. If you are okay, I just want to sort things between us, Deepu, if you allow me to."  

With tears in her eyes, which can roll down at any time, "So you think that I am that kind of person who is never available to anyone emotionally? It's not true every time, as my personality changes, and it depends on who I am with. Apparently, yes, I was, and I am still scared when talking about those things that question your life, purpose, and everything, which can cause damage to the bubble I built inside. But, I am not like this with everyone, as you see, when I had Kartheeka by my side, I would be different; she's like a sister to me. I babble, and we discuss everything that could exist in this universe, and we never realize how time slips away when we are both together. Even with her, I've never opened up about our past, fearing what would happen, and when you said I always run away when the topic is reflecting on your true self, it's true sometimes, because I don't want anyone to hear what I am going through."       

"Deepu, everyone should have some self-compassion."

"Forget about that, Parthiv. Since you want to discuss the past, we ended up drastically. Now, tell me what you want me to say?"

His throat becomes dry and his voice is barely audible, "I, I - want you to, I want you to vent out everything that you have been holding heavily. Be it emotions, actions or words, or anything, just express it out, you don't deserve to carry it anymore."

She moved her feet from his lap and crossed them. "Are you sure? I don't think you can take it if I start flooding out my emotions."

"I will, go ahead," he replied in a beat.

"Honestly, it feels so weird to speak out. Like we all planned for a trip, and out of nowhere, you are asking me to explain how I had felt all these years. It feels so uncomfortable to open up,"

With this, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, continuing,

"Parthiv, you were an asshole. From the moment I first saw you, I still remember your stare, which shivered me. You don't even know how to make a guest comfortable in your space. I mean,  you know that, right? Like I didn't feel good with your gaze, yet you continued as if I would disappear into another galaxy. Not gonna lie, my first thought on you was, a good looking, tall, and rich man, and the way your eyes held me so tightly, that didn't feel good, yet I overlooked. You visited my college, after styling to get everyone's attention and asked whether I had a boyfriend or not, in the excuse of supporting me, isn't it?" 

"Deepu-"

"No, please lemme finish it. You were the one who asked for it, so wait till I finish."

"No, what I meant is, open your eyes and speak."