Coming Out - An Emon Fanfic

Chapter 34 - Making Up

"The day you drugged Ethan was the day it all started. Actually, it probably wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you. He told me how he felt that day, while he was drugged. He told me how he liked me for so long, how he was always afraid of how people would react. I guess that fear was right." Simon's eyes pierced through JJ as he spoke, but there was no anger in his eyes, only pain.

"When he found out that he told me everything he regretted it so much. He was prepared to break all ties with me, he thought he messed everything up. He thought he kissed me that night when he was drugged. But he didn't. I did. I kissed him." JJ looked at Simon in shock. He realised him drugging Ethan caused the two of them to confess and become a couple. They turned into a thing because of him, and then he hated them for it.

"We kept our relationship a secret for a few months. Around two and a half. We kept it a secret because Ethan was afraid, he didn't want anyone to know about us, or about him. I accepted his decision but I did want to tell you guys. Looking back on it, Ethan was smart for trying to hide it, telling you guys made it worse. So much worse. The day you guys caught us, I thought it was the start of something new. I thought we would all be happy. I thought me and Ethan would be happy. But it was going to be the complete opposite." Simon's voice started breaking. Everything that had happened was because of what his friends thought. Because of what JJ thought.

"After you guys found out, every single time me and Ethan were together you would take the piss. You would say something that would remind us we were two guys dating, you would make us feel like what we were doing was wrong, that us being gay was wrong. We got the message then, but we really understood after that fight."

JJ looked down as he remembered the fight. Simon just wanted to talk, but JJ turned it into something more.

"After we left the house we dated for another few months. We stayed at Ethan's house and we were happy. We did feel lonely at times but we had each other, we loved each other. In that time we went on this beautiful date, it was so nice seeing Ethan's face when he saw everything. He was so happy. He was crying from all these beautiful feelings. I wanted to keep that smile on his face for the rest of his life... JJ, we really did love each other." Simon smiled as he remembered those beautiful moments.

"But then you released the video." Simon's face fell. "We had a fight and... I guess, everything got to Ethan. He lost it... He..."

"What?" JJ asked, looking at Simon with a concerned expression. Simon's expression hardened as he looked at JJ, his eyes filled with anger. "He self harmed."

JJ's mouth opened slightly as he stared at Simon in shock. "Simon..."

"Of course I made it worse. I went and hurt him even more and he ended up in hospital."

Simon shook his head as tears started streaming down his face. "His condition was so bad. He had marks all over his face, his arm was... Is..." Simon broke down and cried into his hands. JJ hesitantly put his hand on Simon's back and comforted him quietly, unsure of what to say.

"Ever since that, I lost Ethan. I lost myself. Ethan tried so hard to move on and forget what happened, but I kept coming back to it. I kept trying to make up with you. Trying to be friends with you. I kept on coming back to you."

JJ looked at Simon, guilt in his eyes.

"Everything was going so horribly wrong. Everyday was just guilt, regret and sadness. I was becoming tired, and Ethan was becoming more broken. Eventually everything got to us. We had a fight and I said stupid things. Ethan left me. I drove him away."

Simon cried loudly as JJ held him, rubbing his back. He spoke up quietly, "Simon, I didn't really mean a lot of that stuff. I guess I was just... Mad."

"Why?"

"It's just... You've been my friend for so long, since school. I always saw you as the guy who got the girls and was a proper lad. I guess I was... Disappointed."

"Disappointed. Disappointed because I didn't match the image you had?"

JJ nodded and looked down. "I guess."

Simon shook his head. "That's horrible. You expected me to be a certain way because of what? My looks?"

"Yeah... I guess."

Simon stayed silent as he looked down at his lap for a while. JJ watched him, unable to say anything.

"What else? Why did you hate me so much? That can't be the only reason."

"I guess I was afraid."

Simon looked at him, confused. JJ looked away as he answered. "We've been best friends for so long... And then someone comes into the picture. And it wasn't a girl, it was a guy. It was Ethan. He was already our friend and you two getting closer... I thought it would affect us, I thought it would affect the Sidemen."

Simon looked down. "It did affect us..."

JJ shook his head. "Simon, I'm sorry."

"Isn't it a bit too late to apologise?" Simon snapped, looking at JJ.

"Then I won't apologise. I'll help you."

"Help me in what?" Simon asked.

JJ smiled. "Help you get the boy back."

A/N
Long chapter to make up for the lack of uploads, sorry guys!

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