Coming Out - An Emon Fanfic

Chapter 47 - Going Back?

Ethan jerked awake as he heard Katie unlock the door from outside, opening the door and sliding into the flat. Her face was red and puffy - she had been crying. Ethan stood up from the sofa on which he had fallen into a light slumber filled with bad dreams. He stood, staring at Katie who stared back at him, both scared to speak. They knew that if they uttered a word they both would break down into tears.

Katie stared at Ethan until her eyes hurt, then looked away as her eyes glazed over with a fresh set of tears. Ethan looked down at the floor, his throat sore from all the crying he had done. Katie had left him to speak to Simon, and he knew what the outcome would be - Katie would let Ethan be with Simon - regardless of what happened to her.

"Katie." Ethan croaked, causing her to slowly look up at him, a small tear running down her cheek. "Katie, please." Ethan lifted his arm as he walked towards her but froze as he realised what Katie had seen. Her eyes were glued to his arms, which were covered in red.

"Ethan! Ethan, oh my god." Katie gasped as she ran to Ethan and held his arm. She stared down at the red marks before looking back up at Ethan, her eyes filled with tears. "You self harm..." She whispered, her tears falling onto his arm. She looked down at his arm again as her thumb slid over the red marks, sighing in relief. "You've stopped. This is... This is felt tip." She looked back up at Ethan before pulling him into a tight hug.

"Ethan... You don't know how proud I am. I love you. I love you so much." She sobbed as she held him. "Ethan you are worth so much more, you mean so much more. You shouldn't have to do this. You shouldn't want to do this." She moved away to look at Ethan's arm again, he was weak, hurting, depressed.

They looked at each other, the pain in Ethan's eyes burning through Katie. "I'm sorry." He whispered, looking down in shame. Katie shook her head before pulling him into another hug, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply as her heart drowned. She was going to lose Ethan no matter what happened. She would either lose him to Simon, or lose him to himself. Without Simon, Ethan wasn't Ethan. He was a stranger, fake to himself and the rest of the world.

"You know what needs to happen." She said softly as Ethan held her. She felt him nod, his body shaking as he silently cried.

"I don't want to leave you." He hiccuped. "I've hurt you so much Katie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He cried, loud sobs leaving his body as he repeatedly apologised. Katie hugged him harder, pain seeping through her body as Ethan cried.

"The pain we're feeling now can't even compare to the happiness we'll soon feel." She said, her voice wobbling as she attempted to hide her sobs. She moved away from the hug and placed her hands on Ethan's cheeks, wiping away his tears with her thumb.

"I will always be here for you." She whispered, faking a smile. Ethan looked into her eyes, "Please don't fake a smile for me. I know what you're like Katie, I know what you want. And I know what you want for me."

Katie dropped her fake smile and wiped away her tears. "I want you to be happy. And your happiness is Simon." Ethan looked away at the mention of Simon. "Don't." Katie whispered as she held Ethan's face, making him look her in the eyes. "Simon is your happiness, right?" She asked.

"I'm sorry." Ethan sincerely said. The answer was yes, but he couldn't bring himself to say it; but Katie knew what the answer was.

"You can't be sorry because of love. Ethan, I want you to be happy. And if your happiness is Simon, I want you to be with him. Be with Simon, start fresh, forget the past. Your friends accept you, and Simon loves you. He's dying without you Ethan. He loves you, and you love him. And that is something you can't ignore."

Ethan looked down at the floor. "What do I do?" He asked.

"You go, and you face him. You face your friends, and you face yourself. Tell him you love him, and that you want to be with him no matter what people think. Because you're meant to be with him. You love him, Ethan. And he loves you. Ignore the rest of the world. Ignore the people that have problems with who you are. You are perfect, and no one can change that. You and Simon are meant to be, and all the people that think you shouldn't be together are irrelevant because it's just you and Simon, in your own bubble. No one can burst it or enter it. So much has happened and your love for each other stayed strong. No matter how much pain you went through, your heart belonged to Simon, even when you were forcing it not to. You love Simon. So go to him, and don't ever let go of him again." Katie looked into Ethan's eyes, her eyes fiery with determination.

Ethan smiled sadly at her, silently crying. "Thank you Katie." He whimpered. Katie smiled back sadly before pulling him into a hug. He broke out into loud sobs, but they were not just of pain, but also of relief.

A/N
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