A Rouge with Powers

Chapter 41

His hot breath hit my face as his black eyes kept me frozen on the spot. He got closer to me, my breast just barely touching his chest. He went straight for my neck as he took in my scent again. The butterflies in my stomach were going crazy, my body was on fire and I couldn't seem to think properly. Why did it feel like I was losing control? I was good at control, even perfected it, but right now in this very moment all my control was slipping away with every second Jax was near me. I could feel his nose brush my neck, then the light feathery kisses came causing me to let out a gasp at the tingly feeling where he touched me.

"Wh-what's happening to me?" It felt like I couldn't speak, my emotions, my desire, my lust for Jax was in overdrive and I couldn't decide how I felt about it. Jax continued kissing me, going from my neck to my collarbone and up to my ear. It felt amazing, but I needed to understand, I needed answers as to what was happening. He dropped his left hand as he went for my waist, pulling me off the wall and flush against his body. I could feel just how hard he was as his dick was poking me at the bottom of my stomach. My eyes widened, I could feel just how big he was.

"It's the mate bond." He reluctantly stopped kissing me as he looked at me. I gave him a questioning look, still confused.

"You don't know?" His eyes still black as he couldn't seem to look away from my mouth. I shook my head. I knew the basics of the mate bond, but I was never interested in knowing more since I never thought I'd get one, let alone be accepted by my mate.

"It was easier to control before, but once you marked me it took our bond to a whole new level. The desire, the lust..." I had made the mistake of licking my lips again as he tightened his hold on me. It started to dawn on me what he was saying, I guess after I marked him and since he had already marked me, our bond got stronger, more intense.

"As an alpha, the bond is stronger, more intense and harder to control. As you are my mate, your struggle for control is just as great." He explained, everything was starting to make sense. Every fiber in my body wanted to jump him, wanted this to go further. But I was inexperienced, I could never trust anyone to get that close with. I never had the want or need to do anything sexual. I was too busy trying to survive, but Jax he could. I could only assume he was experienced in this kind of thing. I was more confident in every aspect of my life, except for this. I wanted to push him away, wanted him to stop touching me so I could regain some control but my wolf was stronger because she was more connected to the bond.

"I see." My breathing was still shaky as his free hand tangled into my hair. He nuzzled his face into my neck as he started taking deep breaths.

"I could smell your lust, I could smell you." His voice was low, I knew exactly what he meant as I was soaking wet.

"But I could sense that your mind and body are at war with each other right now." It was as if he could read me like an open book.

"I-" How do I explain to him that I wanted him but I just couldn't do it? I could tell just how much he struggled to control himself. How much he wanted me right now.

"I'm sorry." It hurt to deny him, it hurt to let him down. I knew that eventually I'd let him in, that I'd be ready to go further but right now, I just couldn't and I definitely didn't want to act on heightened emotions. I wanted to make the decision when I was in my right mind, when I could think properly. He didn't say anything, he kept his position as he seemed to drink me in.

"Don't apologize." He held me having no intention of letting go. I didn't push him, if holding me helped him, I'd let him. I put my hand on his back. He wasn't mad, he seemed to understand. I couldn't help but feel guilty, we both wanted it but I was too chicken to go further.

"Every time I look at you, every time I'm near you, you drive me crazy." He took another deep breath. 

"It's not you." I tried to reassure him, I wanted him to know that it had nothing to do with him. That it had everything to do with me. He looked back at me, green eyes staring at me as he grabbed my face. His thumbs swiping at my cheeks, was I crying? I couldn't tell. He kissed me, in a way like he was telling me that he knew.