A Rouge with Powers

Chapter 38

Walking back into Jax's pack has never felt so good. It felt like I could breathe again, I could really relax. All I could think about was going straight to bed, I was exhausted, I didn't even care that it was barely noon. I did not care that there was things that we needed to take care of, being back in my own room and bed was all that mattered to me at this very moment. I kept walking as I headed straight for my room, as Jax and Cade stopped to greet people. Tyler had returned to his pack as we were headed back, we had arranged for him to come back when we had something new or if we found Giles. Ignoring the questions from Jax, I was determined to get where I wanted to be right now. I had just barely made it when I heard my name being called from down the hall, my hand gripping the door knob. I had almost made it, I take a deep breath and look over my shoulder.

"Oaks!" Jax was running up to me, it was still tense between us after our fight. I wanted to believe Jax, but saying he trusts me and showing me he trusts me is two different things. Trusting people was hard enough for me as it is, his words were reassuring but I needed time. Time to think, time to deal, time to move on, and time to break old habits. This trip really had me thinking about myself in a new light, I needed to change for the better, I needed to change for myself.

"Can we talk?" He had reached me, I opened the door and walked into my room, keeping it open for him to follow me in. Once I saw my bed, all I wanted to do was sleep, to get off my feet and lay down. He closed the door as I dropped my pack on the floor, reminding myself to unpack it later. 

"I'm tired Jax." It was the only thing I could say to him, I wasn't mad, just exhausted. He glanced over to the door leading towards his room. 

"I know, I just wanted to check on you." Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked back towards me. 

"I'm fine." I gave him a tired smile, heading towards the bathroom getting the bath ready so I can relax before heading to bed.

"Oakley." That's all he needed to say for me to understand that he did not believe me. I slipped off my jacket and shoes trying not to waste any time.

"Jax I'm fine really, I just need time to think." I let down my hair, letting it fall down my back. That had Jax staring, watching every move I made. I tried to ignore his eyes on me as I watched the water rise, the silence was deafening. Part of me believed that everything would be fine with him, part of me wanted it to. I ran my hands through my hair as frustration started to creep up inside of me. One of the perks of being alone was that when I wanted to be alone no one was there to disrupt me when I really wanted it.

"I just need to be alone." I said a little more sharply, hoping to get the point across. I heard him sigh and followed by the door closing. I looked over to where Jax was once standing, I was now alone. I went to lock my door so there was no more unwanted guests, I was too tired to interact with anyone right now. I undressed and stepped into the bath, the hot water stinging my skin in a good way. I leaned back as my body started to relax in the water, I sighed finally able to let my mind wonder back to everything that happened. I felt a little guilty blowing him off like that but I needed time to cool off and to really think. I have always been able to think better when I'm alone, a habit I adapted to when I was young. 

Everything has been happening so fast lately, finding my mate, the killings in my name , the Fae, and the whole royals situation. Faster than I had time to blink, I just needed some time to escape and think everything out properly. I needed to breathe, I sink deeper into the water as I close my eyes. Being alone this time was different, it wasn't how it felt when I was living with my parents, I was alone but trapped. This feeling of being alone felt like I was free because I wasn't with them and it was because I chose to be alone, and it felt good.

I didn't know what to do, I was being offered everything I had dreamed about when I was younger. But now that it was here, I was scared, scared that once I finally let my walls down and accepted it, it would vanish like it was all a dream. A cruel dream and when I woke up my parents would be there laughing at me. But this wasn't a dream, it was real and I was still too worried because my parents were just a step behind me ready to tear me away from it. Tear Jax away from me and the people who've been there for me when I needed it even after I gave them every reason to stay away. I know I wanted to fight against them, to stop their cruel plans for this world but that was the only thing I knew for sure. What I didn't know was pilling up high and I didn't know where to start. I needed to find something easy to start with, something I could figure out first. One by one, that was how I needed to deal with everything but what do I start with? The Fae? The royals? Who I was? Jax? Finding Giles?