Fluffy WangXian Oneshots Book Two

Come Back To Gusu With Me Part 18

Lan Zhan passes Wei Ying a glass of water after he's woken up following a nightmare. They're both sitting up in bed with Lan Zhan's arm around Wei Ying's shoulders to help him. Wei Ying drains the glass and smiles when he hands it back to Lan Zhan, who is closer to the bedside cabinet.

"Can we sit for a while?" Wei Ying asks him, eyes still red-rimmed and bloodshot.

"Mn." He needs more sleep, Lan Zhan thinks, already deciding not to wake him in the morning unnecessarily.

Wei Ying snuggles closer, and Lan Zhan can feel his lovely dark lashes curling against his bare chest. This moment feels nice, intimate, and domestic, just being together without others.

"I'm surprised I had one," Wei Ying whispers.

"Nightmare?"

"Yeah...haven't had one in a few days. I feel calmer when I'm with you. But I also think it has something to do with Jiang Cheng being here."

Lan Zhan waits for him to go on. He's noticed that Wei Ying sometimes has to work through his thoughts in order to make sense of them, finding a way to put them into words that explain his feelings better. It is certainly not a lack of intelligence - there's no one smarter, and Lan Zhan will fight anyone who suggests otherwise - but more because there are TOO many thoughts in his head. He's never met anyone who can traverse ten different topics in a single conversation and still keep track of where they're going with the point they want to make. Someone like this would need a break, sooner or later, just from themselves, let alone society. That's what music does for him, Lan Zhan realises, a sudden epiphany. He will find a way to make time for some playing then. Also, A-Yuan has been helping Wei Ying by engaging him in games, albeit unconsciously providing a break from his chaotic thoughts.

"I'm not worried that he'll do something. But it's that unconscious fear, you know? He's kind of a trigger for me, like I can feel the panic rising whenever he's close by. I'm not scared of him, rather the opposite. I'm terrified that I'm gonna kick his ass and then ShiJie will be disappointed in me. Then my mind, my own mind, tells me off for caring! It's this weird loop of blame and guilt, and I'm so tired of it, Lan Zhan. I just want to have peace in my head for two minutes, you know?" He sighs quietly, his arms coming around Lan Zhan's waist.

The thing is, Lan Zhan does understand. Probably more than anyone else barring the doctors who deal with mental health issues.

He kisses the top of Wei Ying's head, rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

"I keep telling myself that this is Jiang Cheng, the same guy I grew up with. We trained together, ate together, and got in trouble together. I thought he had my back, you know? It's so hard to take away that trust after giving it to him because it's false. Like, I can't believe it. I've always trusted him and ShiJie - I've had no reason not to. But it's like he's blinded by the thought of immortality, and I bet it's got something to do with his parents."

"Regardless of the relationship between a child and their parents, isn't there always a search for validation? Approval? Even with bad parents, I think the desire to seek a pat on the head, whether physically or verbally, never goes away." Lan Zhan murmurs. These nightly talks with Wei Ying are becoming some of his favourite times. They are meaningful conversations that broaden his thinking, and he hopes is of equal value to his beloved.

"Jiang Cheng had it worse. His mother was the Purple Spider."

"I hope you are not making excuses for his behaviour."

"No...I'm done doing that. Even up here," Wei Ying taps the side of his head, yawning. "Out of the two of us, me, not having my parents made me luckier than him, that's how bad his parents were." He yawns again, wider this time. "Lan Zhan?"