Little white lies

Chapter 18

Hi babes,

it's in the middle of the night so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.

Oh and I changed the cover it had absolutely nothing to do with the book but I'm still kinda prouf of it...

Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

xoxo C. 

Being yourself is the prettiest thing a person can be

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Harry's pov

Sometimes I don't want things to get better.

Sometimes I want things To get really bad so I have a reason to kill myself.

Sometimes I wish he didn't care, so I could kill myself without feeling bad.

Does that make me a shit person?

I stare at the words written down in my journal. I wish he didn't care. he doesn't care anymore so why haven't I killed myself yet?

Things are getting really bad.. I don't have an excuse to live anymore so why am I?

I quickly wipe away my tears when I hear a knock at the door. "Come in." I cringe when I hear how raspy and broken my voice sounds.

Matthew comes walking in with two mugs in his hand. He sits beside me setting the mugs on the nightstand before wrapping an arm around me gently running his fingers through my hair.

"It kills me to see you this sad Harry.. You deserve better." I rest my head against his chest. " It's just. I hate getting flashbacks of things I don't want to remember.." I feel his soft lips press a kiss to my temple. "It's going to be okay baby."

I sigh deeply. I don't think they realise how sleepless nights can affect you or how overthinking slowly kills you. I don't think they know how it can turn your mind into thoughts you wish weren't yours.

"Matthew?" I hear him hum in response. "If tomorrow I don't wake up don't waste your energy or tears don't feel sad for me don't miss me... You don't need me. But please don't forget me."

He shifts a little so he can look at me cupping my cheek wiping away my tears with his thumb. He's on the verge of tears when he speaks. "I could never forget you.. Not again." He presses a feather light kiss to my cheek "But you will wake up tomorrow because I refuse to let you go."

"But I don't want to wake up... I want to sleep forever. I don't want to be in this constant darkness it's suffocating me, but I can't get out... I'm just tired Matt, Tired of everything."

I blink slowly without even realising what I'm doing I start to lean in capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

I just feel so alone and it's not that I need someone.. well, it is I need Louis, but I can't have him right now... I just need someone who will give me the love, that I crave. Anyone.

I haven't been really loved for a long time and I realise that now. Everyone around me left until there was nobody left to love me.

Matthew starts lying down pulling me with him our lips never breaking apart. "Let me make you feel loved Harry."

I should probably say no but I crave affection right now so I just nod and whisper a soft 'Please'

His full lips press kisses from my jaw to my neck sucking a little where my shoulder and neck meet. "You're gorgeous Harry."

He starts tugging at my shirt throwing it somewhere in the room when it's off. It's so wrong to do this with him right now but it feels so right. I love the kisses and soft touched not even having to worry about my scars and cuts. He knows I have them but he doesn't think of me any different.

Not much later we're both stripped from our clothes. Matt softly traces his finger over my scars kissing it right after telling me I'm beautiful no matter what. "Are you sure baby?" I nod eagerly. I don't want this to stop, I'm not thinking of anything right now and I absolutely love it.

***

I'm laying on my back breathing almost returned to normal and my clothes still scattered around the room. I let my eyes slip shut a lazy smile on my swollen lips waiting till matt will get back from the bathroom.

I hear a soft click and feel the bed dip in not much later. "Do you feel better now?" I let him clean my tummy before curling into his side. "Yeah I do thank you, Matthew."

Louis pov

I'm in my room wearing one of his shirts. Thinking of everything. Thinking of Harry. I think of how he played with my hair, the way his lips would curl when he said my name. The way he would hug me and hold me just a little too long. I think of the stories he told me from when he was little and how he explained almost every single tattoo he has to me. I think of how perfect we fit together. Thinking of how we're meant to be, but just did it wrong...

I get snapped out of my thoughts by my phone buzzing I open the text from the unknown number gasping when I see the picture they sent me.

It's Harry lying on a bed naked but that's not what caught my attention the most. The think that got me crying silently were the cuts They were everywhere his stomach has two big cuts on it that look like they can start bleeding again any moment and his thighs are just completely covered in cuts and scars.

Unknown: Every cut you see is your fault, but don't worry I'm taking care of him now ;)  

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Thoughts on Harry and Matthew?

Thoughts on the texts Louis is receiving?