Little white lies

Chapter 22

Hi loves,

I'm so so so so so sorry for the late update butt my WiFi was being a dickhole so I couldn't use my grammer check thingy n wattpad.

I wrote most of the chapter a few days ago in the middle of the night so there might be some mistakes but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

ANNDDD the book is almost over *gasps* I think maybe 5 chapter left? idk maybe a bit more or less but yeah.. almost over :') 

I'm obvs gonna write a whole thank you thingy when I updated the very last chapter but I already want to thank you if you don't feel like reading that shit.

soooo THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU ALL :):):):):)

I'm gonna shut up lol enjoy the chapter! 

xoxo C.

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Louis' pov

It's been 6 days since Harry left me.

I still can't believe it... I've spent my days lying in bed, drinking and smoking, but I barely feel the effect of the alcohol or the dozens of cigarettes...

I wonder if Harry felt this pain... I wonder if he needed something stronger than alcohol and started cutting. Maybe he immediately went for the option of cutting his skin open every single day so people wouldn't notice...

Suddenly Chloe pops up in my thoughts. She probably doesn't even know her best friend is gone. It'll break her.. But I have to tell her I can't keep something like this from her she took care of him for years even when he shut her out she always continued to care.

I take a deep breath and grab my phone, hesitantly dialling her number. I hear mumbling on the other side before her soft voice speaks up "Hello?" A lump forms in my throat I have to do this.. "Uhm yeah...Hi, it's Louis."

"What happened!? you sound like you're about to cry. Are you okay? Is Harry okay!?" Her frantic voice almost makes me chuckle if the situation was different. "Maybe you should sit down Chloe." It's silent on the other line fro a while and I almost think she hang up but then I hear her shaky voice. "Louis... What happened..."

"It's Harry... He Uhm." I bite my lip trying to blink away the tears. "He killed himself..." My voice is barely audible but judging by Chloe's choked gasp she probably heard me.

"Why?" Is all she asks after a while, so I tell her I tell her how we got in a stupid fight how I thought he cheated. I tell her I slept with a stranger and Harry caught me... How Matt took him away from me. I tell her about the text and read her the letter, quotes, and poems. I tell her everything.

By the end of it we're both letting out choked sobs and cries. "I miss him so much Chloe..." She somehow calms herself down and speaks to me in a calming voice. "It's going to be okay Lou I know you're strong enough... Make him proud."

x

Chloe's words keep repeating in my mind. Make him proud... How am I supposed to do that. I rest my head in my hands staring at the floor I feel the tears in my eyes, but I blink them away. I don't want tor cry anymore...

I pick up Harr's journal and open it on a random page. I somehow find comfort in reading his poems.

It's kind of sad actually

because after years

and years

and years

of feeling

one day it's like my brain was done

all of my feelings have been felt

it's depressing because I can't feel anything but emptiness

It's like a neverending pit in my stomach

that pumps this addicting kind of numbness into me

my heart gets cold

I start to cry with a smile on my face

I realize I've lost

Game over. 

Almost all the poems are about being broken and how tired he is off fighting... He even wrote it on the cover.

I'm going to kill myself soon and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

I wonder when he wrote it. A part of me hopes it's not when we were together, but it doesn't matter... He killed himself.

Why would anything matter? He was my happiness and I never realized he was, but I do, now that he's gone...

I stand up and walk to the kitchen grabbing a random bottle. I don't even look what it is and just start drinking. It burns my throat, tastes awful and is probably going to leave me passed out on the floor if I keep drinking, but who gives a fuck.

x

My eyes flutter open. my head is pounding and there's a chance I'm lying in my own vomit...

I'm disgusting and pathetic But even after passing out on the floor after too much alcohol Harry consumed my thoughts. I need somthing stronger. Should I cut?

No.. It'll not help me forget him. I need something that will make me feel numb or happy, something that'll make me stop thinking.... I need drugs

x

Here I am waiting in a disgusting alley, too much money with me to pay for the drugs... All to forget about him, even if it's just for an hour.

I hear a car park somewhere and then footsteps getting closer and closer. I start to get nervous, my hands shaking slightly. A dark figure comes walking towards me. He's tall but doesn't seem exactly buff. He look rather skinny actually.

When he's close enough he hesitantly holds out the drugs. He has never done this before I put the money in his hand and take the drugs, our hand accidentally touching when I do so.

A shock seems to go through my body when I touch the strangers hand. He looks up in shock, eyes wide.

All the air in my lungs disappears and my heart seems to stop beating. no.. no no no no no. This can't be true he's dead. He left me 6 days ago. Tears are blurring my vision and I'm gasping for air.

"Harry."

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I don't even know what to type rn..

Leave your thoughts on this chapter maybe?

Please *pouty face*

I would really appreciate it. :]