Little white lies

Chapter 33

Hi babes 

sorry for the late update there's just a lot of shit going on in me life right now.

enjoy the chapter :)

xoxo C.

+++++++++++++++

Harry's pov

I look at the clock seeing It's almost 6 a.m. that means I still have to wait for four hours till Louis is allowed to visit.

There's absolutely nothing to do here...I have a small tv but there's not a lot to watch when It's in the middle of the night and you can't sleep, Well unless you like porn or kid shows.

I already told the doctor I feel fine, but for some reason, I still can't go home. Yes, I know my body is covered in scars from the thousands of time I used my blades, but that doesn't mean I'll immediately kill myself when I get home.

I can't promise I won't ever do it again but I'm way to happy that I have my Louis back so I'm not leaving him anytime soon.

When I see only 30 minutes past I decide to write in my journal, It's been quite a while since I wrote in it.

 You are my favorite paradox.

Because you bring both tears of complete anger and sadness to my eyes, yet you are the same person who's there to wipe them off.

Because you bring both rain to my weather, and the sunshine wich forms a beautiful rainbow at the end of it all.

And because no one can make me feel as small, and no one can make me feel as big, as you.

x

When it's finally 10 a.m. Louis comes walking through the door. We haven't talked much since I woke up, the few hours he's allowed to be here consists of us cuddling or me breaking down.

It's like I can't keep myself together when he's with me, and I hate it. I don't want him to see me as this unfixable person, I don't want him to pity me.

I smile weakly at him when he sits next to my bed on the uncomfortable chair. "Why are you sitting on the chair?" He shrugs, looking at his shoes. "I just think we should talk and when you're in my arms I can't do that because at that moment I'll be too happy with you finally being here again."

There we go... "I don't want to talk!" I see him flinch at my loud voice so I take a deep breath before continuing. "There's nothing to talk about... I fucked shit up as always and somehow still survived."

Louis sighs deeply, "Harry I know you don't want to talk but can you please think about how scared I was when you were gone! I got send pictures of you covered in cuts, I got pictures of your suicide letter for fucks sake!"

I didn't even know matt send all of that.... "'m sorry." I feel Louis hand on mine rubbing soft circles onto the back of it. "It's okay, I just want to know what happened so I can, at least, know what your nightmares are about. I want to help you."

With a bit of difficulty, I start telling him most of what happened.

I tell him how everything was fine ate first and how all of a sudden Matt turned against me. How they'd abuse me, locked me up, starved me. I tell him how I was chained to the ceiling for a day with broken and bleeding wrists. How they drugged me.

I tell him everything....

By the end of it, we're both crying. Louis tries to hug me but I pull away. I don't want him to hold me right now, I don't know what I want.

I want this empty and broken feeling to be gone.

x

After we both calmed down Louis crawled into bed with me and I fell asleep on his chest.

I wake up to Louis shaking my shoulder and the doctor clearing his throat. "Good, you're up. I have something important to tell you." I immediately sit up a little straighter me full attention on what the doctor is going to say.

"A lot has happened to you in the past few months and judging by how old some scars are you've been struggling with issues for a while now. The nurses and I decided it's best if you go to a mental hospital for a few weeks."

It doesn't surprise me but it's still hard to hear.

"For how long are you planning?" Louis asks him. "For about 10 weeks. if everything goes alright you can leave after that and start normal therapy once or twice a week."

I look at him with wide eyes "10 weeks!?" The doctor nods. "You're allowed visitors every Thursday and you have 30 minutes computer time every day so you can skype with people at that time as well if you want."

I look at Louis, 10 weeks... I still have to wait 10 weeks till I can sleep in a normal bed with Lou, have breakfast together and just have a normal life!

I grab his hand squeezing it tightly, "I don't want to go."

+++++++++++++++++

'm sorry if there are any errors

Thoughts?