Little white lies

Chapter 21

Hi babes

This is a bit of a short chapter 'm sorry.

This story (obviously) hasn't that many Chapters left. 

I hope you enjoy this Chapter sweeties.

xoxo C.

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Louis' pov

I stare at the journal in my hands. Not even a minute after the text with Harry's suicide letter someone knocked on the door but when I opened it there was only a small journal lying in front of the door.

I flip through the pages with tears streaming down my cheeks. There are little quotes written down.

And the truth is I have bean miserable ever since the day you left.

My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myslef.

But there are also small poems.

Stop telling me that I'm pretty, that I'm nice, that I'm awesome, that I'm just as good as the rest of them. I'm not and I never will be. There are always gonna be better guys out there, no matter what you say. Stop lying. Nothing you say can change how worthless I feel and how worthless I am.

And there are longer ones.

how can you possibly say you understand? To really understand you have to go through it too. Do you really look at others and feel like you need to hide? That you feel ugly or even fat next to them?Do you ever avoid mirrors? Do you really get so depressed you need to harm yourself to make sure you can still feel? Do you really not eat something because you feel fat and disgusting. Do you ever have sleep issues because your mind won't stop reminding you all the things that tick you off? No? Then you don't 'understand me'.

And ones that rhyme.

Just a cut.

Just a scratch

'What's that mark?'

'It was just the cat'

just and excuse

just another lie

'What's with all the bracelets?'

'Just fashion, why?'

Just a tear

Just a scream

'Why were you crying?'

'Just a bad dream'

But it's not just a cut

Or a tear or a lie

It's alway 'Just one more'

Until you die.

But the most important thing is that they're all in Harry's handwriting only confirming that he actually did it. he actually killed himself. He left everyone. Chloe, Niall, Zayn, Liam, me.

It's all my fault. I needed to protect him, but I didn't. I just let him go without putting up a fight and now he's gone and won't ever come back. I should have noticed he was depressed.

I should have noticed the circles under his eyes getting darker, The sound of his voice getting softer. I should have noticed how his waist got smaller and how his smile just... disappeared.

I hear the door open and people walking in, but I don't pay attention to it. I feel...empty and broken. I need him. I love him. A sob leaves my lips. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off and pull my knees to my chest burying my face in my knees, body shaking with broken sobs. I feel like I can't breathe properly and my head is spinning.

"I think he's having a panic attack." Is the last thing I hear before I pass out.

Matthew's pov (omg)

I'm sitting on my couch my head resting in my hands. I can't believe he actually did it. He killed himself. A silent tear rolls down my cheek. This was never my intention. Yes, I wanted him to cut, but I didn't want to lose him.

I wanted Louis to know how he broke Harry. my Harry.

But Harry wouldn't get over him. He was so obsessed with him. He was even moaning his disgusting name when I fucked him.

I was there for him. I was ready to love him as soon as he would forget about that whore. But he never realised that. He could only think about Louis. Louis Louis Louis.

I did everything for him. I loved him. I fucking loved him!

And now he's gone all because of Louis. It's all his fault and he will pay for that. 

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thoughts?