Code Blue

~ Chapter 84 ~

Be nice

Chapter 84
Wednesday December 27th
Harry's POV

1:05am

2:16am

3:37am

5:47am

6:30am

I've lost count of how many nights I've stayed awake now, my mind unable to shut off from the world. Stevie is about to enter her second day of chemotherapy and yesterday was a rough one. It feels like the longer time goes on, Stevie grows more and more irritable with her treatment, anxious to be done and I can't blame her. She's tired, physically and emotionally, from constantly fighting and I know she's trying hard to keep that smile on her face, but sometimes she can't help it. Yesterday the fact the cafeteria ran out of yogurt was enough to send her into a full blown meltdown, and the only thing that stopped it was Max running to the nearest corner store to buy her some.

Only for her to throw it all up shortly after, which made her start weeping again. Her emotions were all over the place and at times it felt like a different Stevie was sitting in front of me. My little sunshine who is always so positive and radiant was the complete opposite, gloomy and irritable and admittedly I was walking on eggshells with her all day long.

Stevie, the little girl who never gets mad at me, scowled and crossed her arms when I opened her snack bag the "wrong" way.

It was already difficult seeing her go through all of this, but yesterday brought me to an exhaustion that I'd never felt before. It was a side of her that I haven't seen since the 'terrible two's' as people call it, but really it was just a result of how awful she must be feeling.

I also couldn't help but believe our little 'vacation' home is part of it. Stevie was over the moon the entire time we were there, and it was all she could talk about from the day I told her it was happening until it actually did. She had a blast with her small sense of normalcy, and she rambled about all of her favorite parts the entire drive here yesterday morning. If anyone couldn't tell how much Stevie enjoyed being at home, and with Bonnie, then they weren't listening to the kid because it was clear as day.

And now we're back at the hospital where there's monitors, and sickness, and dread. She's pulled away from her own bedroom again and all of her things, and that has to be why she was so angry yesterday. She was mad that I took her back here, and I can't blame her, but it made me feel terrible. It felt like I dangled something in front of her face and then ripped it away, and now I was thinking I was wrong for it to begin with.

When I started doubting it all, I had to remind myself that she's going to be home soon. After we get the bone marrow transplant done that Dr. Hadi is recommending, then I'll feel more comfortable bringing Stevie back and forth. It just wasn't something I've felt confident enough to do the last two months because she's still sick, and I wouldn't be able to watch her as much. Plus, it was always difficult to figure out childcare with Bonnie.

Then there was Bonnie.

Another striking thought I couldn't wipe away through the entire night.

Yesterday, we didn't speak to each other at all. I woke up and got Stevie dressed and ready to leave the house, as well as made sure she grabbed whatever she wanted to bring back to the hospital with her. I was making Stevie breakfast when Bonnie had woken up, I figured it would be nice to give Vie one last home-cooked meal before bringing her back. At the counter, Stevie was helping me pour the pancake batter onto the grill, music playing, and little giggles filling the room. However when Bonnie walked in, in my mind, all of that stopped.