Silent Attention [COMPLETED]

16. Dull

    I woke up in Shelly's bed. She was snoring like a jack hammer beside me. Her mascara had turned her face into a halloween mask. My head felt fuzzy. I remembered what had happened last night, but I seemed at ease about it. Not really at ease, I just didn't care. I laid there and put myself back into the memory, reliving it. I felt nothing. I was so far gone by the time Shel had me packed I don't remember getting to the hospital. I only knew I went because the bracelets were still on my wrists. I played with them above my face, twirling them around. One had my name, date of birth and blood type. The other was a bright red and had fall risk in big bold letters. Fuzzy mind or not, the construction worker next to me was getting on my nerves.

    I got up and headed to the shower. I smelled like hospital and I absolutely hated that smell. It was the smell of death and decay in my opinion. I unclothed and got in. I must have zoned out because when the shower curtian was slung back I squealed like a little girl being chased with a bug.

    "You scared the shit out of me. Now get out. You're using all the hot water."

    "You need it more than I do. You could be death's twin with those dark eyes." Shelly handed me a towel and I snatched it away from her playfully.

    "I put your bag by my closet."

    I ignored her and walked over to the aforementioned location. I threw on the light wash jeans and shear long sleeve blouse she packed. Shelly and I had different styles and I was regretting letting her pack my bag. Not that I had a choice in the matter. I was checking out how bad it was in the full length mirror when Shelly came out. I must have used up a lot of hot water if she took that short of a shower. Before she could assault me with her cold heart, I turned to her and asked about what happened last night. What was wrong with me, because for the life of me, I couldn't remember most of it.

    "The doctor said you had a severe panic attack, almost becoming catatonic which is extremely rare. He suggested you find a head doctor first thing Monday morning. My words, his suggestion. He asked what had triggered the episode. You couldn't talk by the time we got there, so I told him an ex had stopped by unexpected. I know how you felt telling me when this all started and I didn't want to make your condition worse." She paused a moment to pull on some jeans. "They pumped you full of feel good drugs and sent us home with a lovely script of xanax. You sure know how to get the good stuff. It's emergencies only, for when you feel like you are about to have an episode."

    "That explains the awesome feeling I'm having right now." I sighed and headed to the couch and she followed me now that she was fully dressed. "I felt like my world was ending and it as all my fault. Then I felt like it was just my world, and that if I wasn't here, everything would be fine without me. All of this over some stupid teddy bear. The man slept in my bed and I get through it fine, but leave a teddy and I go bat shit."

    "Honey, it's not your fault. It's not the stupid bear either, it's him getting into your safe private place."

    I sat still for a while. Shelly began to grow weary of me and my weak state of mind. I could see it on her face. "You're right. But what am I supposed to do? I have already changed the locks and somehow he is still getting inside."

    "I don't mind you staying for a few days until we can figure this out."

    I gave Shelly a knowing look. As in you know we don't get along when we are around each other for more than 24 hours.

    "Oh quit! Look, at least spend the night with me again. We can have a girls night in."

    "Fine, but if it goes badly, I'm getting a hotel."

    "I'm not that bad."