Silent Attention [COMPLETED]

43 Midnight mistakes

I watched her walk away from me with mixed emotions.  Tonight had been one of the best nights of my life, I just wondered if she felt the same.  I waited until I saw the light come on from her apartment before driving off.  My eyes stayed on the road but my mind kept going back to her lips on mine, the feel of her in my hands.  I played the moments over in my mind and hadn't realized a huge smile stayed plastered on my face all the way home.

My face quickly fell when I got to my room, and saw the image on the screen.  The one I had left up of Gemma kissing that jerk off.  As good as tonight felt, I know it wasn't a garuntee that he would stay away from my girl.  I would have to fix that somehow.  I know Gemma, I know she would tell him no, that she was with me, but I didn't want her to have to do that.  I want to protect her from guys like him.  Guys that would sneak into her heart and shatter it from the inside out.  No one was good enough for her.  Hell, even I wasn't good enough for her, but at least I could admit it.  That was the only thing that made me better than all the others out there.  I knew what I had with her, I acknowledged it, and cherished it. 

My date with Aaron had left me even more confused.  He was hot and an amazing kisser, but then there were those awkward moments.  Okay, more like embarrassing times on my behalf.  Talk about never a dull moment.  I should have slept soundly after all the excitement, but I tossed and turned all night.  It was now a little after four and I was awake, staring at the ceiling.  I was so tired but couldn't sleep.  I knew Shelly was having the time of her life right now, or passed out because of it.  I know I really shouldn't have.  I really really shouldn't have because it will only confuse me more, but people do stupid things late at night when they have had hours to think.  I texted Mike.

"Hey you up?"

I was so awake, the brightness of the screen didn't make my eyes squint.  I really didn't think he would text back.  I was wishy washy, waiting for the screen to change. I gave it another thirty seconds and set it down on the pillow next to me. 

I don't know why I have two pillows on my bed.  I only have one head to lay down.  One day, I might get to stare at a handsome face sleeping instead of my phone, going black.  The more I thought about it, the more I imagined Mike's face.  It would morph from Aaron to Mike then back, but stayed Mike more often.  The image was ripped away when the screen lit up.

"Am now, what's up friend?"

"I can't sleep and wanted someone to talk to."

"It's not really the best time to tell me your woe's and get a good response, but I promise to reread the whole convo when I'm fully awake."

"Ah you're one of those."

"One of what?"

"Groggy in the morning."

"It's dark outside and is still considered night."  "Quit picking on me.  We are supposed to be talking about you and what is keeping you up."

What is keeping me up.  He is keeping me up.  Him and Aaron.  The guilt is eating away at me.  I am so stupid.  This isn't the kind of thing I can talk to him about.  I can't just say, Oh, I can't sleep because I feel like a two timer and I don't know which one should come first. Fuck.

"My future."

I sigh out a relief at my quick thinking, only to gasp it back in when Mike calls.

"You're too young to have a midlife crisis."  Damn his voice is rough from sleep.

"It's not that, more like a short term future.  Like the next month future.  I have a decision to make that will effect the next few months, maybe years."  I didn't want to throw that life word in there and make it sound like I could marry either one.  I was not at all ready for that.

"Well, what do you want ten years from now?"

Shit, I really didn't know.  "I don't want to be alone."  Where the hell did that come from?  Note to self, never make sleep deprived calls or texts.

I could hear his smile though his words.  "A girl like you will never end up alone.  What else is bothering you.  I know that's not all."

"I just don't know what I want, and it scares me sometimes.  I feel lost."

"Okay.  I'll ask questions and you answer them yes or no.  And to make it interesting, I will answer the same questions."  I could hear him move blankets around before he continued.  "Do you want kids?"

"Maybe?  I haven't really thought about it."

"I want kids.  I want to have those moments of cooking breakfast for them before they go to school and seeing their smiling faces while the eat the best pancakes ever.  Do you want to live in a house or apartment?"

"House definitely."

"Me too, more room for the kids.  Do you want to get married?"

Wow, those words made my heart thunder, even though I know he wasn't asking me in that way.  My words came out a little breathy.  "Yes."

"Me too.  Do you want to stay at your job, or do you have bigger plans?"

"Bigger plans.  I want to go back to school and get another degree, I just haven't decided yet on what."

"I love my job most of the time.  I wouldn't mind at all being here in another ten years."  He stayed silent for a moment and I picked up the slack.

"No more questions?"

"Nah, too tired.  I hit all the big ones I think.  Figure out exactly what you want and you won't be lost anymore.  I promise you." 

That was the problem, I don't know which one I wanted more.  The steady good guy that was super lax and comfortable, or the cocky arrogant hot exciting guy. 

"Thanks, but I don't think that is going to help me sleep right now."

"You want me to sing you to sleep?"

"Oh my god no.  don't"

"I have a very good voice...." He chuckled.  "I know what we talked about isn't all that you have going on right now, it's just the thing on your mind currently.  How about we hang out sometime, and you can tell me about everything."

"No, it's fine.  I have way too much to put on you friend."

I heard his small laugh and his smile.  "Friend, that is what I am here for.  I told you my mess, return the favor."

"Oh okay, if you insist."

"That's my girl.  I'll see you then."  I heard him sigh deeply.  "Good night Gemma."

"Good morning MIke."