Silent Attention [COMPLETED]

39. Mine//Undecided

I apologize about the tardiness of this post.  (quickly posts and runs for the hills shouting hope you enjoy over my shoulder from a huge distance)

I couldn't believe her.  I played the tape over and over again.  I could forgive her about having guys over.  She was asleep when they came over, invited by her friend Shelly I assume.  But then she kissed one of them.  Fucking kissed him!  Then they were holding hands.  What the fuck is that?  I played the seconds over and over.  I was beyond pissed.  Gemma was mine.  How could she not see that? 

I had woke up and thought about letting her go.  Letting her life get back to normal, her normal without me ruining her.  Spoiling her.  And then I see this shit.  I was pissed that someone had touched something that was mine.  That she had a made a move on him.  That he made her get that dorky smile that melted my insides.  She was playing with me and didn't even know it.

I stared at the computer screen for a long time.  At that smile.  That smile that I couldn't give up.  The one that had hooked me from the first night.  I couldn't give her up.

I needed to form a plan.  I needed to do something to make her want me more.  I wanted her.  I just need for her want me.  Make her want me.  Make her think about me like I do her.  I looked back at my bed.  I would give anything to have her naked body wrapped in my sheets right now.  Exhausted from love making.  Letting me wake her up with soft kisses and gentle caresses.

I turned my chair back to the computer screen and pulled up live feed.  She was in her apartment alone now.  I pulled out my phone and sent her a text. 

Shelly had left, leaving me to think about my boys.  I really didn't know what to do.  I had the tv on, droning in the background.  I stared at it, but my mind was on my decision.  I knew Shelly was right, I needed to give it some time, but I didn't want to string either one along.  I knew what Mike and I had.  We had made it perfectly clear to each other.  What I had with him was perfect.  He needed time and so did I.  Time to put the past behind us and move on, to start with a clean slate for each other.

Aaron.  Oh god Aaron.  I don't know what we had.  He was fun for me.  Something to distract me from the real world.  Something that could easily grow into a serious relationship.  I don't know exactly how he felt, but I know he was aiming for the same thing.  But he had only seen me drunk and drugged.  I wonder if he would like the real me.  We texted each other, but that was different than being in person. 

My phone buzzed on the end table, and I looked at it for a moment.  There was so much going on in my mind right now and I know I won't be able to come to a conclusion.  I sighed and picked up the phone.

"Hey beautiful."

Aaron right on cue, to distract me from my life.

"I would call you handsome, but I have yet to see your face."  I set my phone back down, not really in the mood.  The more I thought about it, the more our relationship was undefined.  Obviously drunk and drugged me loved him.  He must at least like me, or he wouldn't have put up with my mess for so long.  I never was the first to text, it was always him. 

"You going out tonight?  Let me know so I can clear my schedule to babysit you again. ;)"

Yeah drunk me must have really loved him.  I still didn't know what I had done to make it up to him.  Maybe I could pull it out of him this time.  "Nah, last night was enough to last this weekend."  I remember his voice this morning when I had called.  It was deep and rough.  I really wanted to call him now, just to hear it.

He must have heard my thoughts, because my phone started ringing in my hand.  His picture of his abs flashed across the screen.  I bit my bottom lip trying to hold back the smile.  I bit a little harder and closed my eyes tight then slide my finger over to the accept button.

"Hello."

"Glad to see you learned your lesson.  Although that means I can't be your knight in shining armor and save you."

God his voice was better than I remember.  I laid down on the couch and put my hand on my forehead.  Surely I have a fever, because my loins were on fire. 

"Gemma?"

"Oh sorry I got distracted."  By your hot voice saying my name.  I wanted to feel his voice vibrate between my legs.  Shit.  Maybe Shelly was right, I do need to get laid.  I sighed.  "One of these days I will return the favor.  Next time you are drunk and don't want to drive the R8 home, call me.  Anytime."

"I thought girls wanted to ride the knight more than the horse he rode in on.  Oh how the times have changed."

That car is more than a panty dropper.   It's more like a you sit there and let me do all the work for you.  Like I will drop my drawers and yours for you.  "Well I will take either, but I'm rooting for the car."  Shit did I just say that I would ride him.  What the fuck Gemma?!

Aaron chuckled into the phone.  "What are you doing?"

"I was trying to get out how I made it up to you last night, but somehow I never got that far."  Thank god the subject changed.  I said a mental thank yes.

"Ah ah ah, you won't get that out of me so easily.  And I meant what are you doing tonight.  If you're not going out."

I looked around my apartment and then back up to the ceiling.  I really had no plans.  Shelly was busy with her summer sausage.  It was too soon to hang out with Mike again.  I didn't want to seem clingy.  "I'm not to sure yet.  I really don't have any plans."  I could hear him nibble on his lip ring with his teeth.

"You want to hang out?"

"Wow and actually see your face and remember it?  I think I might die."

"It's not my fault that someone drinks like a fish."

Fuck he got me there.  "What all did you have in mind?"

"You mean, seeing my face isn't enough?"

Dick, got me again.  I really wanted to see his face.  And hanging out with him sober might help me put in perspective of what we had going on.  It really didn't matter what we did.  "You know I guess it doesn't matter.  I'm not doing anything anyway."

"Good."

Well he sounded a little too pleased.  Then there was a knock on my door.  I got up to answer it.  It was probably Shelly, maybe she forgot something or wanted to borrow something for her date night in.  "What all do you have planned so I can get changed?"  I asked as I typed in the code to disarm the security.  I opened the door without looking through the peephole and froze.