Crazy Stupid Love

Chapter 62: Build Me To Break Me

The next six days of our getaway as perfect as I ever could have hoped. Together we explore, sightsee, swim, relax, and just enjoy each others' presence.
We arrive home on March 23 after what has come close to being one of the best weeks of my life.
"I want to talk to you all about something," Riker announces to the five of us as we drive home from the airport.
"What's up, man?" questions Ryland.
"I know after our parents and Rydel, we've kinda lost touch with our music. I... I want to play again. I touched my bass for the first time when we played Marriya's song, and it felt so good."
Silence blankets the vehicle; everyone considering Riker's words.
"I couldn't agree more," Ellington grins. "We've lost a hell of a whole lot in these past few months, but the feeling I get when I play is something I know I share with all of you. It is something we all shared with Rydel."
"Can we go today?" Ross asks. "I know a place we can go."
An hour later, we arrive at a small theatre in down town LA. After unloading the instruments from the back, we head inside.
The four boys take the stage, and Ryland begins working with the sound system.
"5, 6, 7, 8," Riker counts.
In unison, the boys begin playing the first chords of If I Can't Be With You.
As they get deeper into the song, I can feel the atmosphere in the room lighten instantaneously. Smiles grace the faces of all four of them as they feed on the ecstasy of fulfilling their passion.
An ear piercing sound blares through the speakers, and the music ceases.
After cursing into the mic, Ross says, "I broke a string."
"Go out into the van," Rocky instructs. "I have an extra box in the back."
Nodding, Ross jogs out of the building.
"Hey, Mar, come here," Ryland calls out.
"What's up?" I ask.
"I'm gonna go grab a coffee, you want one?"
"You know what, I'll go," I offer.
"Caramel mocha, please," he requests; giving me a cheeky smile.
Grinning, I walk out of the theatre.
I walk briskly along the deserted sidewalk; a sharp wind blowing at my hoodie. I hug my arms to my chest as continuous shivers run down my spine. The skies are overcast with think grey clouds; all of them looking ready to release the storm brewing within them at any second.
Gazing up, I spot a colourful sign advertising a coffee shop. I don't exactly know where Ryland wanted me to go, so here will have to do.
I am immediately greeted by a surge of warm air and the soft ringing of a bell. At least two dozen people mill contently around the coffee shop, some reading various novels or typing rapidly on the keys of their laptops, others tapping their toes to the beat of the music blasting through their headphones. One thing they all have in common; a steaming beverage close at hand.
I walk mindlessly up to the counter; completely in love with the scene around me. This can easily be a place I could contently spend the rest of my life.
The long line moves extremely slowly, but I don't mind. My eyes wander around the small space; scanning the unfamiliar faces around me.
"Hi there, what can I get for you?" A dark haired boy around my age asks me politely.
My eyes meet his for only a second before continuing to wonder the signs on the walls. Eventually, my gaze lands back on him.
My ears are filled with the dull chatter of numerous whispered conversations, but his voice soon breaks through in my head.
"Miss?" he asks.
"Oh, sorry," I reply. Heat rises to my cheeks as he grins, obviously amused with my short attention span. Or maybe it's the fact I may have been staring at him for well over a minute.
I quickly order a a drink to stay. I have no intentions of leaving here quite yet. It is a calm, quiet environment where I will not be laughed at, or bugged, or have to deal with any kinds of loud or annoying noises while I attempt to read. Something I haven't had the luxury of since I moved here.
"Here you are," the boy smiled, handing me a glass mug almost full to the brim with dark, steaming mocha, and topped with whipped cream and a light chocolate drizzle. I thank him, then leave to find somewhere to sit.
As I pass by one of the couches, I see a skinny brunette girl pressed up against a tall, attractive looking boy with bleach blond hair. She is all over him; kissing him hard. For some reason, his hands were on her shoulders, not her waist, but I quickly dismiss the thought. It's not up to me to judge. Normally I would just keep walking, but something seemed off.
Shrugging it off, I walk across the room and curl up on a couch. Pulling my phone out, I begin to scroll through Twitter. The device buzzes softly in my hand, alerting me about a text from Ellington.

From: E-Rat
Our time is up, so we're heading home. Where should we pick you up? Xx

To: E-Rat
It's fine, I'll walk home when I'm finished Xx

As hard as I try, I can't seem to ignore the couple on the couch across from me. My eyes are drawn to them, but I don't know why. As the boy shifts, his chest is revealed to show a necklace resting on his shirt. My breath catches in my throat as I realize exactly what it is. An R5 pick necklace.
My jaw literally drops as I process why this boy is so attractive to me. Because this boy is Ross.
The heavy mug slips from my hands, rapidly racing towards the floor. As soon as it makes contact, it shatters. Glass flys everywhere. The dark hardwood is now littered with ceramic shards of all sizes and pools of frothy dark liquid.
Before Ross gets the chance to pull away from the girl, I spin on my heel and dash to the door. Looking over, I shoot the boy at the till an apologetic glance, and he just nods. He understands something's wrong, and that I need to leave now.
Barreling through the door, I continue down the sidewalk in the direction of home. I sprint as fast as I can away from the shop, tears pooling in my eyes. My vision blurs as they begin to fall, but I continue running as fast my legs will take me. My shoes beat against the pavement in an uneven pattern, due to the fact I stumble every few steps. My eyes sting and I can't see straight, but I don't dare stop. I quickly check over my shoulder, and confirm that no one is following me. Either Ross doesn't know I saw him, or he doesn't care. I refuse to let myself think about it, because I really don't want to know which reason it is. I don't know which one is worse.
Soon, but not soon enough, my house comes into view. Mascara is running down my cheeks, and the tears continue to fall. My breaths are shallow and uneven, but it's not from the running.
I burst through the front door, hoping to get to my room before anyone see's me. Unfortunately, Ellington is home and lounging on a couch in the front room, his eyes trained on the TV.
"Marriya?" He asks; concern breaking in his voice.
I don't answer him, I just run as fast as I can towards my bedroom. Immediately, he is on his feet, chasing me up the stairs. I lunge into my room, slamming the door right in his face. I quickly turn the lock, only a second before his hand wraps around the doorknob. He rattles it loudly, testing his strength against the lock.
"Mar, what's wrong?" he asks.
"N... nnn... nothing," I stutter.
"Mar, open up, please," he reasons, banging his palm against hard the door.
I can't deal with him right now. How am I supposed to break the news to him that his best friend is cheating on his little sister? He jokingly threatened to hurt Ross when we first started dating, and I have no doubt in my mind he will make true to that threat when he finds out. Not that I really care about Ross' health right now, but Ratliff is scary when he is angry. A lesson I learned in my old life, sometimes it's easier to stay quiet then to say something and hurt someone. That someone will always hurt you back. Always.
My head begins spinning, and I feel like I'm about to collapse. I stumble forwards, moving in the direction of my bed. I fall down on it in a heap, pulling the softest blanket I own close to my body. I hug it tightly into me, my face buried in a few of the plethora of pillows inhabiting the upper half of my bed. My loved ones can't help me through this this problem. It's up to me. A feeling I'm all too familiar with washes over me, and I begin to cry harder. I'm alone.
I lay limply on the duvet, curled up in a fetal position facing the wall. The daylight soon fades into darkness, and is eventually replaced by light again. I lose track of how many times this happens, I just know the pain remains. I sob until there's no tears left, then I just sob for the sake of sobbing. My body tremors violently, my skull pounds in my head.
I can hear Ellington outside my bedroom, pounding helplessly against the wood and pleading for me to open the door. His voice breaks, desperately begging for me to let him in. He sounds so hurt, so broken, so lost. If only he knew I was feeling the exact same way.
I just roll over, screaming louder into my pillow. The pain of my shattered heart weighs down my chest, every breath is shallow and laboured. From the moment I met him, Ross was the one person who could hold me tight, fitting all the broken pieces of my life back together. He made my heart whole again. Now that he's let go, I don't know if I will ever be able to fit the shards of my life back into place. Some things are just broken beyond repair.

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Hey guys! So this chapter has been a long time coming, and I hope you all enjoyed. If you did, please vote and comment. Thank you for your support up to this point, it means the absolute world to me. I am so blessed to have so much support, and I love you all.

Today marks the end of suicide awareness week, but I want you all to know that if you ever need to talk, I will always be here. Feel free to send me a message any time, I will always answer <3

All the love. Always.
~ Hannah xxx