Crazy Stupid Love

Chapter 64: Dying Internally

Marriya's PoV

Charcoal storm clouds hang low in the sky, threatening to burst at any moment. Cool, salty wind blows at my body the second I walk out the door. I push myself forward, squinting halfheartedly at the day. Darkness counteracts the suns attempt to shine, giving the land around me a hazy grey tinge. I don't really care though. This is the first time I've been outside since that day (italics), but even this amount of light is far too bright for me.
I walk mindlessly until I feel cold, wet sand moulding between my toes. Dropping down to the ground, I bring my knees into my close to my chest and close my eyes, attempting to drown out the world for as long as possible.
"Hey," a voice murmurs from behind me. Time has been the last thing on my mind since the incident. I've been sitting here for hours in the cold, but I don't care. Nothing is important anymore.
I don't turn around, I just sit here attempting to calm my ragged breathing. It's been two weeks, according to Ratliff, since the coffee shop, and every breath I take makes me lose hope I will ever get better. I'm too broken. I'm too hurt. I'm too alone. I'm way too familiar with this feeling.
"Marriya," the voice says again. I feel someone's body drop into the sand beside mine.
"What?" I ask weakly, allowing Riker to meet my teary eyes. He's the first person besides Ratliff I've seen since it happened, and I only now realize how much I miss him. All of them. Except for one.
"I would ask you if you're okay, but I know you're not," he says slowly. "Believe me, Mar, I know how much it sucks to feel like you're second choice."
"Riker," I whimper, tears flowing steadily down my face. "What do I do?"
"I don't know, Sweetie, but when I figure it out, I'll let you know," he replies shakily. Tears glint in his eyes, but he blinks them back. He tries to be strong because he knows I can't. He knows I need somebody right now.
"I just wanna die," I murmur. "It's not worth it anymore."
"A wise girl once told me something," he says. "The thing about a broken heart is that it's not fatal. Though you wish in vain that it were, life continues on and you have no choice but to continue on with it. You take the hand that fate has dealt you and you press forward because there is nothing else that can be done."
"Riker."
"That girl was you, Marriya."
"I actually believed he loved me."
"Marriya, he does love you. More than you know."
"He hasn't come to see me once yet."
"Ratliff won't let him. He's been begging everyone to let him explain to you what happened."
"I guess if I love him, I should let him move on," I say quietly. "I should be happy that he found someone else."
"He won't move on. It's only you. It's only ever been you," Riker replies.
"Yea. Cause he really proved that by shoving his tongue down some other girl's throat," I spit; venom dripping in my voice.
"She kissed him, Mar. It wasn't his fault," Riker reasons.
"Oh, yeah. And Ross is totally innocent in all of this," I retort sarcastically.
"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying he deserves a second chance."
"I thought he really loved me!" I cry.
"You think you know people, then they surprise you," he replies gently.
"I have to go," I say quietly.
"What?"
"I have I leave. I can't stay here anymore."
"Why? Because its easier to just walk away rather then fighting for what you really want?" He demands.
"It hurts too much to stay."
"You guys still love each other, Mar."
"You never really know how much you love somebody until you watch them love someone else," I whisper.
"You still love him, Marriya," Riker points out. "Just admit it. You cared about him and you still do. You always will."
"No, I don't," I pause. "If I say it enough, maybe I'll actually start to believe it."
"Don't believe it! Give Ross another chance," he begs. "Emily won't forgive me, and it breaks my heart more and more every day. I miss her so much, but she refuses to come back. She found someone else."
"Looks like her and Ross have something in common," I mumble hopelessly.
"Please, talk to him."
"I'll do what I want, it's my broken heart!"
"One conversation, Mar. That's all I'm asking."
"Fine," I agree after a few second hesitation. "One conversation, but we need to be alone. No one listening, no one near us."
"I will go talk to Ratliff now," he announces. "Do you want to come?"
"No. I want to stay here."
"Okay. Please don't do anything stupid," he begs.
"I won't. For now," I say the second part so quietly only I can hear.
His mumbled response is drowned out by the crashing of a wave against the dark sand.

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Hey friends! I hope you are having a fantastic day today! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, vote and leave me a comment!

All the love. Always.
~ Hannah xxx