Rupture // h.s au

33. "But you've never been heartbroken."

Harry

I reached the square, to find Louis, attempting to tame their confusion. Some voices yelled about the inconvenience of the timing. Others speaking about their lost ones. The atmosphere was electrified with all that was bitter, enraged, and grieved. It was all I hoped and prayed I wouldn't have to face, let alone, cause.

" Hey!" I roared, standing on a bench to tower over the large crowd. The screams faded into hushed whispers, as all eyes focused on me.

" I know we're all scared right now, but we have to keep it together, or else we're done for. The bureaucrats are gone for now, but that doesn't mean they won't come back, and this time, it isn't a riot, it's proper war."

" And where is your prisoner now? Isn't she the reason behind all of this mess we're in?" Hums erupted in approval, igniting the rage and the natural need to defend her, within me.

" I am not discussing this. All I have to say about the subject, is that if anything, she saved us all."

" Not all of us."

" Well, we would have all been dead if she hadn't put herself on the line for us, the supposed enemy, the people whom she was supposed to kill, but never did anything to bring harm upon. However, she is gone now, and we are to carry on as if she was never here." I had to convince myself of that, because it felt like it was the only way for me to possibly keep going. It felt as if their world had been disturbed, due to a certain loss, while mine had crashed and burned, and faded into thin air, following the winds that had taken her away from me. The winds that she had welcomed in, or perhaps, the wind I had surrendered her to.

" I want more soldiers on the borders. Tomlinson and I will go on a riot to get us more weapons. I want intensified training, more volunteers. No children, mothers, or elders though. Malik is to not be disturbed until he's fully recovered, so for any inquiries, you have either me or Tomlinson to go to." I laid a hand onto Louis' arm, as he nodded in approval.

" And we'll have an honorary funeral for all those fallen today. I- I'm sorry for all your losses, and I hope you know that if I could have prevented this in any way, I would have." I was thankful to see the frowns fading, only to be replaced by sorrow. I left the bench, nodding at Louis to follow.

" Are you up for a raid now?"

" What, now? It's four in the morning, Harry."

" Yeah, so we need to use the nighttime, before the sun comes up."

" Harry, it's been a long day-"

" Are you coming or not, Louis?" I gritted out, my voice almost echoing in the silence of the sad night. Louis seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst, but he managed to nod, wide-eyed. We continued our walk silently, till we walked past Raine's house. All that was within me, urged me to see her, but then again, she was an overwhelming reminder of Autumn, and I didn't have it in me to bare that just yet.

" Niall told me she had been asking about you, till she cried herself to sleep." Louis weakly whispered, his eyes, along with my own, staring at the once ever so lively house, now, dimmed by the excruciating weight of the night. I couldn't help but feel the sadness settling in, once she had departed us. Even though she was almost dead at heart, she radiated life into our camp. Even though she couldn't possibly see past the darkness caving in on her, in her own, extraordinary way, she brought her own light into our lives. That was my loss, that somehow, I shared with the whole camp.

" Lets keep going." I said, pursuing the road to the warehouse where we kept our vehicles. Once we got there, I took the jeep, Louis getting into the passenger's seat. We then made our way to the tower, to take our weapons.

I started driving to our destination, my eyes casted upon the seemingly endless road, with the deceitful mirage of possibly getting where you had always wanted to go, reaching what you had thrived for. But that was all it would ever be; a mirage, a trick played by your eyes along with the world, that continued to move regardless of your happiness or misery, your existence, or non. At the end of the day, you'd always end up somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere you don't belong, and that's how they would force you to keep going, keep running, keep searching, as if you'd ever get somewhere closer to home, but you never do. The closer you get, the farther away it is. And then you die, being buried in a place that you were put in, forced to adjust yourself to its patterns, mold into its sculpture where you never fit. Ironic, really, how knowing all of this, we all still continue to run, falling into the Gods' game, like puzzle pieces, which would never fall into one large, whole, picture.

This raid was easier than most, I was completely sunken in thought, to count my steps, or dodge the bullets that never came. I saw past the men I was supposed to hide away from, past the guns aimed at me, because for once, I was faced with the insignificance of my being. The world didn't stop to appreciate my grief. People didn't share the weight of my sadness with me. The moon was fading, and the sun was beginning to rise, and nobody gave a fuck. I didn't exactly expect it all to reach an abrupt stop, but I expected a shred of respect for my agony. It didn't matter though. I, didn't matter. And neither did she, to anyone past my very own miserable being.

Louis and I collected the weapons, successfully making it back to our vehicle. We threw our backpacks to the back seat, before finding our way back to camp. Louis' eyes would sometimes stare at me for a bit too long, before he'd release a sigh, looking out the window again. I chose not to comment, mostly drained by the endless day. Three hours later, it was almost noon, and we were back to camp. I parked the car, taking my backpack, while Louis took his.

" So what will you do now?" He spoke, for the first time in hours.

" I don't know, I need a shower, and then we have all those funerals to prepare. Then tonight, I'll probably go get Rick some medical supplies, he always needs this shit."

" Wait, what? Is sleep and rest not a part of your plan?" I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly, my eyes focused on the quick movement of my feet, contrasting with my weakening demeanor.

" Okay, that's it. Harry, you can't do this. You need to sleep, and eat, and maybe cry, I don't really know, but drowning yourself into this leadership shit, won't make anything, any better."

" It's fine, Louis. I'm fine. Someone needs to take care of those people."

" And how will you do that when you look like a fucking mess?"

" I'll work it out. I always do."

" But you've never been heartbroken, Harry!" Louis yelled, seemingly infuriated by my indifference, as he grabbed my arm, bringing my march to a stop.

" I'm not heartbroken, Louis."

" Then what?"

" I... I don't know. I'm just... not."

The momentarily pain that I had allowed myself to feel, soon faded, as I continued my walk to the training center, hearing Louis' steps closely following.

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A/N: hello you awesome people :)

so today was my graduation ceremony from college and it still hadn't fully sunken in yet but I figured I should give you a little treat because you have been effing incredible to me so thank you so so much, seriously.

lets try for 13k reads before the next update? :)

ily x