Rupture // h.s au

62. "I will come home to you."

Harry

I didn't know who pulled away first. I didn't know if the world continued to exist outside her embrace and my cries and our hearts breaking and beating and fighting to keep us alive. I was sunk into some sort of daze, that didn't move past her. And every time I opened my eyes, the scenery around us changed, but she and I didn't.

First, it was our feet carrying us towards the car, with someone else's pull and guidance. It was her arms still around me, and her eyes still on me, but they were a bit more careful now, a bit more reassuring. It was everything about her, tiredly telling me that it would be okay. That everything would be okay.

Then, it was the car, rocking both our fragile bodies. It was my head on her lap, and the rest of my body spread over legs and limbs. It felt like I existed in multiple dimensions, with my head with her, and the rest of me, somewhere else, somewhere I didn't care for, somewhere I didn't want to exist in. It was her fingers running through my hair, and her hands holding onto my head, and her eyes mostly closed, but occasionally opening to glance down at me, before closing again.

Finally, it was the room; my room, with our limbs tangled, and our bodies drowning into one another, and her, smiling at the slightly unstable bed. I couldn't help but smile too. It was my stinging eyes taking her in, missing her, loving her. It was her features, tired, beautiful, lit up only by the moonlight peeking through the holes in the door. It was us just existing, without harming one another, without clashing, or crashing, or setting each other on fire. It was home.

" Thank you. For not leaving. For coming after me. Don't know what would have come back of me, if I'd gone out there." My throat itched, with the first words I'd dared speak in hours. I didn't sound like myself. I didn't really feel like myself either. But she was there, and I was doing my best to be present too, and that was enough for now. That was good.

" I love you." She shook her head, her fingers ceasing their tender movement through my hair. She said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. Like it made everything else make sense. In a way, it did.

" And I love you. So much." My heart gave a single thump, pushing the words out, finally. The relief coursing through me, the lightness in my chest, almost brought me to tears again. It seemed like I couldn't really stop crying. She smiled, through the tears flickering in her eyes, as she leaned in, resting her forehead against my own, breathing into me, as I breathed all that was roaming inside me, out. Her lips fell against mine, but they didn't kiss, they didn't push, they simply touched. And God, did it make me feel all I'd always felt for her.

" Is that okay?" Her words dissolved into my mouth, fading into me.

" Perfect. This is perfect. I love you." I wanted to say it, over and over again, till it completely anchored me to here, till it willed me to stay there and never fade into my head again. Till it was enough to heal her heart that I'd broken, in fear of breaking my own. Till it was enough.

She nodded against me, lips curving into a smile that was so genuine, so certain, it could easily put the loudest of doubts to rest. I buried my face into her neck, marveling upon her scent, and how we still fit, like puzzle pieces. And maybe the picture would never be complete. And maybe everything around us would never be whole. Maybe none of it would ever make sense, but we did, and that was what mattered.

" We're going to make it, right?" I didn't know if I'd said that, or if she had. It sounded a lot like something we both thought, but were barely able to voice. 

" We will try."

" You won't leave again. And neither will I."

" No, we won't."

" I won't do that to you again, Autumn. I won't. I'm so sorry."

" It's okay, Harry. We're here now, that's what matters." I had to pull away then. Had to look into her eyes, and just... stay. I laid my hand on her cheek, and she laid hers on top of mine.

" I won't shut down like that again. It might get too much, and I'll probably be a dick sometimes, but I- I will come home to you, no matter how much it hurts. I don't want to lose you, Autumn. I need you to know that. I love you, okay? I love you."

" I know. I love you too." Her voice broke, her lips quivered, and I wished I'd never hurt her at all. I wished I had it in me to soldier through it, without wrecking her along the way.

" God, you're beautiful. So fucking beautiful."

I kissed her, and it felt like time hadn't passed at all. Like we hadn't lost ourselves, lost each other, lost every single thing we thought we had, but then we found it all, when we found one another. It felt like our hearts had never been broken and our lips had never said anything but words of love. It felt like nothing had changed, although, probably everything had.

Everything stopped, for a moment or two, and I felt nothing but her. But then, it all went too fast. The door was broken down, my body pried away from hers. I didn't have the time to feel much, before a hit was delivered to my head, a needle breaking through my skin. I thought if I were to die, then I was glad she was the last thing I felt. Although, I wished she didn't look so scared. Wished she wasn't fighting against unkind hands and holds that were too ruthless to be my own. Wished she wasn't screaming my name so painfully, so desperately, before everything died down. And I thought I did too.  

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A/N: Hey guys :) So, we didn't exactly hit the 100k milestone, but I promised you before that this story will never be about numbers, and that I'll never hold back on writing simply for that, so there you have it, the new chapter, I hope you enjoyed it.

I know we left it at a bit of a cliff hanger, but hey, they are kind of my guilty pleasure so oops.

Anyways, let me know what you think of this, what you expect to have happened, share your thoughts on anything really :)

Hopefully by the next update, we'll have our 100k reads, but even if we didn't, I'll still update, always.

ily x