Rupture // h.s au

"I'd like to try again."

Harry

I'd been awake for quite some time. Autumn had brought her arm over my nose, blocking my airway. And once I was up, I couldn't really go back to sleep. She was just there; so incredibly close, looking so beautiful, although there was always very little grace to the way she slept.

It had been well over a year since we'd lost our baby. It'd taken her a long, long time to get back to herself, to me. Most nights, she wouldn't be able to sleep beside me. She'd apologize over and over again because she couldn't help it. Everything inside her was pulling her away and the more I'd tried to fill that void inside her, the emptier she'd felt.

Wendy and Rick helped a lot. Doing their best to offer their own form of therapy sessions, but everything was still so new, so ambiguous. They'd indulged in it with her though, thinking of a healing process, offering medications when needed. Everyone else helped too. Until one night, she'd cried about how she'd never felt more loved, less alone. She was disappointed in herself because she couldn't be happy about it and she didn't know why.

God, it'd broken my heart. She'd gone through hell and back. You see, I'd grown accustomed to watching her in battle. She could handle a weapon like you wouldn't believe. Very few people could do what she did when it came to that. But battling her own mind, getting lost in there, fighting against something that only existed within her, nobody really knew how to handle that.

But she did. God. Of course she did. Slowly, she started talking more, leaning into me when she felt me try to give her some space, conversing with me and just telling me what she needed, how she felt. Six months into it, she started giving her own sessions about mental health; speaking of her own struggles so bravely, so genuinely. Giving instructions, offering help. She'd done so much good, coming from such a horrible place, and nothing ever made me prouder than watching her do that. Than getting to introduce myself as her boyfriend. Than coming home to all of that, all that she was, all that she had to offer.

" What are you thinking about?" Her voice startled me, as I stared into her eyes. She was already smiling. I leaned in, brushing my lips against hers.

" Good morning." I whispered, my words dissolving into her mouth, as she kissed me again, before detaching our lips, with her hand on my face, simply touching.

" Morning." It was so easy, so effortless, so normal, to wake up to this. To her.

" How long have you been up for?" She furrowed her eyebrows, noticing how unfocused I must have been. Sometimes, it was too hard to not marvel upon her magnificence. I was so lucky.

" A couple of hours, I think, I'm not sure. Did you sleep well?"

" Yes, actually, I did."

" Good, because you were strangling me in your sleep."

" What? I was not."

" Yes, actually, you were. Your arm was on my nose and mouth. I could have died." She was wide-eyed, before she burst into laughter. Swiftly, she turned to rest on top of me, with her long hair curtaining both our faces, keeping us away from the world. Keeping us here.

" You're such a drama queen, my God." Her tone was amused, lighthearted, free and alive. I leaned forward, pecking her lips, before laying back down.

" But you love me, don't you?" She rolled her eyes, but the smile broke through her façade.

" Hardly." She whispered against my lips, kissing me once, twice.

" I'm highly tempted to make a dick joke right now, but because I'm one hell of a boyfriend, I won't."