Rupture // h.s au

"I never once fought back."

A/N: Trigger warning for talks of domestic abuse/sexual harassment/suicidal thoughts. If you are uncomfortable reading about these topics, then please skip this chapter. I think it is an important topic to shed light on, especially as a poc woman, but not reading this chapter doesn't mean you don't support the cause. Please, respect your own boundaries and take care of your mental health.

ily x

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Autumn

I had the year-old Christopher wrapped across my body in his baby carrier, an empty baby bottle in one hand and leftover pureed peas in the other. My hair was falling away from the bun I'd put it into this morning. Or was it last night? I couldn't even remember what day it was, I was that tired.

Marianne was showing Raine what she drew in her art class, grinning up at her every few seconds to take in her reaction. Raine was trying to keep up, but it didn't really look like she was mentally present at all. She would smile and nod every time Marianne looked at her, but her smile would fall soon after, like she was running out of energy and couldn't quite commit to putting on that front.

When Harry walked past me and towards the food laid out, I grabbed his hand, gave a single tug. He stopped walking, bent down to hear me over the noisy crowd.

" What? Do you want another round of make-up sex?" He wiggled his eyebrows, smirked playfully.

We'd had an argument yesterday, concerning Marianne's priorities. It could have gotten seriously out of control with how passionate we each were about our daughter's quality of life, but we'd made a promise to one another all those years ago, after the miscarriage; that if we ever had a fight, we wouldn't leave the house until it was resolved. We were done walking out whenever things got to be too much and then missing something we would never forgive ourselves for. We were done giving loud, angry voices to fights that should never take up this much space in our lives, should never overshadow all the love we carried in our hearts. So, the fight ended with a make-out session only interrupted by Christopher pooping so much, it leaked through his diapers and clothes, onto our covers. I had to change him and clean everything up. Harry barely managed to wake Marianne up before she got covered in shit too. By the end of it, we were so high on the scent of actual filth, to even remember the fight at all.

" You would be lucky if I had sex with you again before this kid is potty trained and excelling at it too. I don't know how we will ever sleep in that bed again, Harry." He chuckled, laying a loving hand on our baby's head.

" Eh, it's seen worse." He shrugged, referring to all the bloodily fluids shared through the years.

" You are disgusting, oh my God." He laughed again. I shoved his shoulder jokingly, shaking my head to myself.

" Sit down you man-child, I want to tell you something."

" What's going on?" Harry asked, sitting beside me so that we were shoulder to shoulder.

" What is off about this picture?" I pointed my head towards Raine and Marianne. Harry's eyes followed my gesture, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

" Uh, I'm not sure I'm following."

" Men are so clueless." I rolled my eyes. " Look at Raine, Harry. Does she seem like herself to you?" Harry concentrated, tried extra hard to pick up on whatever I was noticing.

" She looks kind of tired, I guess." Marianne was trying to pull her up, probably to play a game or something, but Raine kept shaking her head, whining about something I couldn't quite hear.