Rupture // h.s au

55. "Baby sitting."

Harry

She flinched the first time I tried to take her hand, and I remembered that not all touches were kind, and not all hand prints were of love. I remembered that she had prints on her soul that I couldn't even see, but they'd haunt her forever. And I had to be careful, if I didn't want to add to the pain, or deepen the wounds, or break through the stitches keeping them closed.

We moved together with such ease, greeting the soldiers on watch, skimming through the wide, vacant areas, looking between buildings and houses. Sometimes, we'd stumble upon a familiar face; like Louis who was walking home after his shift had ended. He gave us a knowing smile, that wasn't arrogant, or judgmental, but simply observant. Like he'd known all along that it would happen. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, for Autumn and I to fall this hard, become this- whatever it was.

I couldn't help but look at her then; wearing my clothes again, putting away a lengthy hair lock, eyes still warm, still kind. It felt like I was waiting for them to change, to alter into something vicious, and heartless, and vacant. But they remained as I had remembered them to be. I had forgotten they could be anything other than that.

Her hair was flying along with the cold night's wind, every lock seemingly flowing in slow motion, her fingers running through them - so slow, I could pinpoint every single time they slowed at a tangle, or a soft spot. Her smile grew, eyes sparkling, reflecting the most beautiful full moon, although I was almost certain the clouds were blanketing the sky, it felt like it was an apocalypse. But it wasn't in her eyes. There was always some sort of light there.

Her smile continued to widen, tiny wrinkles formed by the corners of her mouth, revealing more teeth, more tongue, like it was teasing the world. Like she couldn't possibly show all that beauty, all that joy at once. I felt impatient. I wanted her smile to reach the epitome of its wideness. I wanted to see her at the climax of all happiness. I wanted to be the reason for that.

Slowly, almost painfully so, her eyes moved away from whatever she'd been looking at, and fell on me. Like only now, had she noticed my gaze. Like she didn't know I hadn't been able to look away, ever since I first laid eyes on her. Her smile didn't shrink, nor did it widen. It simply fell into that comfortable, warm, smile, that was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. Except maybe her true, full-blown laugh. But that was close. So close.

She was talking now. Her lips were moving, tongue exiting and retrieving. I was too sunk into the beauty of her mere existence, that I missed almost everything she was saying. But then, she laughed. And that was enough to break through the spill she had on me.

" Louis was saying goodbye. Said something about you slacking in shifts and me making it worse now. Are you okay?" I turned around then, and naturally, Louis was no longer standing. I tilted my head to where he'd normally walk, and I couldn't even see him in the long distance. Maybe I really had been too captivated by her to notice. Maybe she really did take me away from the world, because she was a world of her own.

" I'm fine, yeah. Lets keep going."

I started walking then, and she followed, with furrowed eyebrows, a slight shake of her head and traces of a smile. We continued our walk through camp, until we walked past Raine's house. I hadn't seen her much since mom's illness. I was always too busy, too angry, too frustrated, too far gone inside my own head. I didn't even know how her father was doing now. The realization sent a pang of regret through me, as my march came to yet another halt.

" Mind a stop at Raine's? I just need to check up on her."

She beamed at that, features softening, smile widening, as she nodded, and I knew she must have missed her too. I knocked, eyes falling upon Autumn, for a second or two, before the door opened, to reveal Zayn, who looked exhausted, but brightened up a bit when he saw us.

" Baby sitting tonight, are we? Finally found something you're good at, other than getting shot." I patted his shoulder, receiving a slight shove, as Autumn laughed, before briefly hugging Zayn. I loved how they'd warmed up to one another. She fit. And it worked, because I loved her.

Raine came out of a room that couldn't be any bigger than a closet, looking dimmed, died down, nothing like the lively, enthusiastic, confident, girl I'd first met. It broke my heart, to see life getting to her too soon. But her eyes lifted, taking Autumn and I in, before brightening up a bit. And in that moment, I was reminded that she was a little girl, so young, so innocent, easily entertained by a bit of care, but also, easily brought down by all the ugliness surrounding. She didn't have as much stamina, her back bone hadn't been broken and rebuilt as many times as ours had. I was once again hit by the realization that the world we now lived in, wasn't built to care for children, or anyone really.

" Hey there, kiddo." I ruffled her hair, before bending down, to pull her into an embrace. She immediately sank into my arms, her small figure almost disappearing into my own, as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

" My dad is really sick, Harry. He doesn't get better. I think I'll lose him too. Like mom." She sniffled, but she didn't cry. She held herself tighter to me, as best as she could with her little arms. I heard Zayn and Autumn conversing within themselves, probably about her father's condition, but I couldn't put in much effort to concentrate on what they were saying, because then, Autumn's hand was on my shoulder, and I wondered why she chose to comfort me, instead of the grieving, little girl. Or why she seeked my touch, although, any touches seemed to distress her greatly.

" Hey, how about you come with me and Autumn for the night? We have to go on rounds, but I can take you somewhere, do something fun, how about that?" She pulled away, wiping at her eyes, before any tears would escape, as she nodded, rather eagerly.

" Won't I at least get a hug before we go? Two hot men in a room, and you forget all about your girl friends, shame on you, Raine." Autumn said, clear amusement in her tone, receiving a giggle, and eyeroll from Raine, before she threw herself at Autumn, somehow knowing that she'd be there to catch her. And she was.

It was so easy for Raine it seemed, to love, to hate, to trust. It was all black and white. So simple. So effortless. But the world wasn't as easily categorized. Black and white blurred, molding into each other, colliding to break into multiple shades of grey, that you wouldn't know where white ended, and black began.

" I missed you." Autumn whispered, confirming my previous assumptions, as she planted a tender kiss to Raine's head. She nodded, whispering it back, as she held onto Autumn, the way she'd held onto me. Autumn then stood up, with Raine still clinging to her neck, legs circling around Autumn's thing waist.

" Are you sure you're well enough to carry her?" I questioned, noticing the slight stagger to Autumn's steps. She nodded with a smile.

" Autumn is the strongest woman in the world, of course she can carry me. She can carry tons."

Raine spoke, voice muffled by Autumn's shoulder, but I couldn't help but marvel upon the truth behind her statement. Autumn personified strength, in all its glory, irrationality, and resiliance. She'd been broken. She'd been torn down. She'd been destroyed and reborn. And she did that, almost every single day. Fighting through the wreckage even in her sleep. And she was carrying so many burdens, so much weight. Anyone else would have cracked. But she didn't. Not really. Not infinitely.

Something crossed Autumn's face, that I couldn't quite decipher, as I whispered, almost to myself, " She really is."

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A/N: Still taking it a bit slow with the events, but we can't have something happening every single chapter, I hope you understand where I'm coming from :)

Anyway, enjoy this, and let me know what you thought!

Also, this is not really edited, so if you find any typos, I apologize.

ily x