that girl j.c (completed)

Five

"Fucking finally." I told Kian as I got into the cab. Kian was in his pajama's and looked tired as fuck, I'm surprised he even dragged his ass out of bed to come get me. 

"You gotta stop doing this kind of shit. You're turning out to be a.." I cut him off. I am not a fuckboy. I simply like sex without any commitment. 

"Don't fucking say that word. I know what you're gonna say. I'm not a fuckboy." I shook my head and he rolled his eyes.

"I was going to say asshole."  Kian looked out the window and we headed back to the hotel.  Kian paid the driver and I promised to pay him back. He just shrugged his shoulders and brushed past me. 

We got to our room and I poured myself a vodka with coke, not offering kian any.

I drank it and began to feel fuzzy and my stomach started to hurt, I loved that feeling, it made me feel alive. Kian just shook his head at me, he was always so disappointed in me for no reason. He thinks that I'm doing all this stuff and acting out because Lia left me, but that's not true. I've always done this stuff, Lia just kept me inside a fucking small ass bubble. 

"Cmon man, put that shit down." Kian walked over to me and took my cup from my hand. 

"Give it back." I demanded. He shook his head and started to pour it all down the sink. 

"Give it back!" I growled. He ignored me this time and walked towards the table where I had set the bottle down. I jumped up and charged at him, knocking him on his ass. 

He started to punch me in the gut to get me off, which just made me angrier. I punched him in the face with all the force I could conjour up, and I could see blood spill out of his nose. I immediately felt horrible and got off of him. 

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." I held out my hand to help him up but he just stared at me with shock and fear in his eyes. 

I slowly backed away from him and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I dropped to the floor, making myself as small as possible, and cried. 

I stayed in the same position until I heard a knock at the door. My eyes were raw, my head hurt, and I couldn't see a thing. 

"Jc..?"  Kian tried talking to me from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?" 

I hesitated to answer him, but after a few moments I unlocked the door and slid away from it. Kian creaked the door open and sat down cross legged beside me, staring at his bare feet.

"I'm sorry for being so pushy with.. you drinking.." He apologized. HE apologized. HE shouldn't be the one apologizing, I should. 

"Don't apologize to me." I shook my head. I was so fucking disgusted with myself. 

"No, I'm going to apologize. It's your life, I shouldn't be trying to force you to stop something that you choose to do." 

"FUCK KIAN DONT APOLOGIZE!! Its my fault, and I shouldn't have hit you." at that moment, i hated myself so much.

Kian looked down at his feet again and I noticed a glimmer in his right eye. It was starting to bruise already. 

I got up and walked into the bedroom with kian close behind me. I grabbed the bucket from the table and walked down the hallway to get some ice. I came back, wrapped the ice in one of my tank tops, and gave it to Kian. He took it and applied it to his eye .

"Thanks." He mumbled. I started to walk away when Kian spoke up again. "How come you act like this now? You used to be so.. Good." 

I remember it all.. I had a terrible year.. I promised myself to never love anyone else again.. Because love.. hurts. 

Flashback....

 It was August 4th 2014, I was sitting at home with Lia when I got the phone call. Lia answered the phone and she looked at me with a look of shock, worry, and horror. 

"Whats wrong?" I asked her over and over again, but she didnt reply. "Please Lia. What's wrong?" I hugged her shoulders tight.

"Your.. family.. Your mom.. Your dad.. your brother.. and your sisters.. they were in a car crash an hour ago.." I felt a tear roll down my cheek. 

"Are.. They okay?"  Lia shook her head and my heart dropped. My throat was burning, and tears flowed down my cheeks.

"Not all of them made it. You're sister is fighting for her life right now. We need to get to the hospital." I didn't think I would be able to move, but I did. I jumped up, gave the keys to Lia, and ran out the door. 

We got to the hospital and went to my sisters room. 

"Jaylyn.." She was laying on the bed, eyes closed. She looked so peaceful, but I knew she wasn't. Inside.. She must be dying.. I went to her bedside and held her hand. "Don't die on me.. Don't die on me.." Her heart beat quickened on the monitor when I spoke, that proves she can hear me. 

"The doctors said shes in a stress induced coma, and she has internal damage to one of her major organs.. I'm sorry Jc.. But she's not going to make it. They recommend that you give the ok to take her off life support." Lia told me as she squeezed my shoulder. I could tell that she had been crying as well. 

I didn't want to.. I really didn't.. But I knew it was for the best. I nodded my head to Lia, and she looked at me with confusion.

"If she's not... going to make it.. Than take her off.. I.. Dont want her suffering." My eyes were so raw that it hurt to cry now. It was hard to breathe, my stomach was tensing. I was screaming inside, but I knew I had to stay strong for Jaylyn. 

Lia left to go tell the doctors my decision while I sat with Jaylyn. I just held her hand and cried. 

"Jaylyn come back... I love you.. Come back.. I don't want to say goodbye.." 

Lia came in with the doctors and the doctor told me I had made the right decision before unplugging the life support. 

Jaylyn's heart instantly started racing and it just made me cry harder. 

"I love you Jaylyn.. Goodbye.. Just always know that I love you.. And I will see you again one day.." I squeezed her hand and I felt a tiny squeeze back. 

"Goodbye Jaylyn.. I'm so happy I got to be a part of your life, I'm so happy I got to have a friend like you. I love you." Lia went over to the other side of the bed and held her other hand. She was still crying as well. 

Jaylyn's heart rate started to slow, and hope started to return to me.. Until it sped up again.. and stopped. 

"No!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I put my head on her lifeless hand and wept. 

 6 months later... 

I was still shaken by the sudden death of my family.. I wasn't acting like the normal Jc.. I got into drugs, and I drank and partied.. a lot. Lia was putting up with a lot of shit from me, especially since she know's I've cheated on her multiple times. 

Today, she had enough of me. She left me. I couldn't blame her though. I wasn't me anymore. Sure, I still made youtube videos, sure I started a new channel with Kian and we were doing great.. But I never showed the fans how I really am. I'm just not me anymore..

After she broke up with me, I got worse. I started to have sex with almost every girl I met. It was the only thing I could do to keep my mind off of everything.

End. 

I shook my head to get the images out of my mind. I could still remember everything, and I didn't want to. Kian was still waiting for an answer, so I gave him the short version of the story. I think he understood. 

I lost everything.. 

My family..

My girlfriend..

And now.. 

I've lost myself..

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