Edward the Wolf (twilight fanfiction)

Chapter 30

Panic attack

When I arrived at Bella's house I finally stopped. Even though it was raining heavily I still heard her steady heartbeat. She was asleep and that was what I needed. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't calm myself down, the memories clouded my mind and I felt myself drowning in them. Sleeping was impossible for me tonight.

I phased back and threw my clothes on myself. I went to the tree, which was next to a window, and climbed up. I knew I was acting like a sick peaking Tom, but I was desperate to see her. I wanted to see the person who wasn't family but still cared for me or at least, I hoped so. I wanted a way out of this never ending nightmare.

As I reached the window I gasped. It was her room. It was dark, but I could see her form perfectly. Without giving much thought about it I reached for the window.

I let out a breath of relief when the window slid open smoothly, though the sudden cold air made Bella toss a little, but she fortunately stayed asleep. I quietly stepped into her room and breathed in her scent. After I debated where to sit I decided on an old rocking chair.

As I watched her my breathing slowly calmed down. I never thought that that nightmare would come back. I didn't have it in a long time. And it caught me by surprise. I really didn't need it right now. I didn't want Bella to see me as someone who was totally broken.

I sighed as I looked at her. What if it was true? That I wasn't worthy to love. The selfish part was true because I kept Bella by my side even though I knew how dangerous I was. So maybe the part that I was unworthy to love was true. How could it not be? I was a monster who could hurt anyone just because of my temper. I had already hurt someone so it was probably true. I tried to hold back my uneven and panicked breathing, I didn't want to wake Bella who was fortunately sleeping peacefully. It seemed like my secret didn't cause her nightmares and I was glad about that.

Suddenly I heard a loud thunder, it felt like my blood froze in my veins and I almost had a panic attack. But not because of the thunder, it was because Bella sat up with a jolt and looked at the window. Then she looked around the room and spotted me. Her eyes went wide with shock. She quickly switched the bedside lamp on and turned back to me.

"E-Edward?" She shuttered.

"Um, hi." I said lamely. "Look Bella, I am so sorry I-I just-" I sighed. "I don't know." I got up and almost reached the window when Bella spoke up again.

"What happened Edward?" Her voice was full of worry and I turned to her with disbelieve.

"Why aren't you shouting at me to get out? Or why aren't you disgusted with me?"

"Oh trust me, if you were any other person I would have already called for my father and you would be laying on the ground with a bullet in your head." She said calmly and I let out a chuckle, but it wasn't happy. "But I am glad you are here. I-I missed you. And I see that you are not well. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head and ran my hand through my hair. "I don't want to scare you away."

"I caught you in my room, the least you could do is to tell me why were you here or I would think of something worse." She said and patted the place next to her on the bed.

I sighed and looked at her. "You are too stubborn to let it go." I said and went to her side.

She smiled at me and scooted over. "So what happened?" She asked after I sat down beside her, she also took my hand in hers. It felt comforting.

"I-I had a dream, a nightmare." I started. She rubbed circles on the back of my hand. I went silent for a few moments to arrange my thoughts. As I thought about that night the scars on my hand burned with reminder of what had happened. "You don't know how I met with Carlisle, right?" When she shook her head, I continued. "It all started.." And I told her the truth.

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Okaaay, so the next chapter will be of Edward's past. ^_^ To be honest I am nervous about that part but hopefully it won't be rubbish. Thanks for reading it by the way and sorry for any grammar mistakes. I hope you liked it.