My Heart Died With This World

Ruins

The irony of a man who built the walls to protect everyone being the one to tear it down still makes me laugh. It pissed me of that I wasn't able to kill my own father after all the horrible stuff he did to me. But I was fine. The walls were gone and my dad with them. He had gotten bit on a run. He had infected half the town before we were able to evacuate. We now had a small little town hidden away in the forest. All the survivors along with the few I found on runs live here. It's perfect. All except Vic being missing. I can't even find Mike or Justin. There just not here.

I shoved my hands in my pockets. It was super cold with winter on its way. I was checking our traps for food. This was all I could ask for right. My mom being safe. But I couldn't find my husband or my best friends. In all honesty, I was fucking miserable. I blew out a hot breath. I remember doing this when I was a kid. I would pretend I was smoking. I heard fast footstep approaching behind me. My hand shot to my knife.

"Kellin!" I sighed.

"Shut the fuck up Jeremy. You're going to get us killed." I relaxed, turning to look at him. Jeremy was a good guy. He had dark brown hair and hazel eyes. And for some reason he was attached to my hip.

"I'm sorry." He began walking with me on my runs. "It's cold out." He tried making small conversation. I chuckled.

"Yeah. That's because it's winter." I said sarcastically. He laughed. Soon the smile disappeared.

"I never see a sparkle in your eyes. What happened?" I let my face visibly fall. I was depressed in my new life. I scratched the back of my head.

"I lost someone very special to me."

"Shit. Sorry. How long has it been?" I knelt down in front of a trap. I took the rabbit out of the metal jaws and shoved it into Jeremy's arms.

"Two months since I've last saw him." He let out a small gasp.

"He still may be alive. Why aren't you looking for him?" I shoved him to the ground. He cowered away from me. I noticed my fists were clenched.

"You don't think I tried! I searched everywhere for that bastard! But he's- he's not- he can't- he's dead okay?! I can't fucking change that!" Jeremy pulled me into his arms. I tried to push him away.

"Kellin. Please calm down."

"Don't touch me damn it!" I smacked him across the face. He staggered back. I covered my mouth when I realized what I did. "I d-didn't mean it. Jeremy-"

"It's fine. I understand." He flashed me a shy smile. "You saved my life. You deserve a few freebies." We went back to walking as if nothing happened. I felt horrible for what I did. Jeremy was just rolling with everything. Nothing could break this boy's spirit. I found him starving in the attic of a house that use to be overrun by the undead. The first thing he did was smile at me. "Why did you stop searching for him? If you don't mind me asking."

"It wasn't helping me to look for him. If he's still out there, he's long gone." I turned us back towards our camp. "It's best to just shut it out. If I keep thinking about him, I'll only be weak."

"So you gave up?" I threw my hands in the air dramatically.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"You said he was very special to you. You don't give up on that." I ignored him, jumping over the barbed wire fence. He need to drop it.

"I would have killed myself if I kept searching for him. It's better this way. So forget it!" I grabbed the rabbit from his hands and threw it to one of the chefs. The gave me their thanks as I kept walking. I went into my tent. I sat on my bed next to my nightstand. I grabbed my ring, holding it to my chest. I couldn't bring myself to wear it anymore.

"You okay sweetie?" I wiped my tears on the back of my sleeve. I cleared my throat.

"I'm wonderful mom."

"They need some help out there." I hid my ring away in the nightstand.

"Okay. Let's go."