Tips To Survive the Zombie/Undead Apocalypse

Tip Number One

Tip Number One:

                The very first thing that I notice in all the zombie movies and books is that no one protects their body. If I was running from those creeps, I’d skip like heck to a nerd store to grab some armor! You never see that! Nobody really cares if you wear a tight black body suit out to kill some hooligans. You’ll just look tastier to those zombies with all the sultry attitude.

                Now you’re telling me that it might be hard to run with all that protective armor on. Well, I’m pretty sure you’d be running like a little boy running from a girl with cooties. No! You need to protect yourself! You stay there and whack those zombies or at least body slam them. Be a man! Or a woman! Whichever applies.

                Maybe if the world were more advanced we would have skin tight, black body armor in all shapes and sizes. Then we could look sexy and fight some evil undead butt. But unfortunately, the government refuses to write back to my letters and phone calls about these brilliant ideas. They probably heard what I said, made them, and kept them for themselves. So while we are clunking around in our rusty outfits, the government officials will be chilling in their pools, letting the undead take a whack at them.

So to round off Tip Number One…

Wear some god gracious armor! Why do you think that the people back in the Middle Ages were so smart?