Tips To Survive the Zombie/Undead Apocalypse

Tip Number Two

Tip Number Two

                 Now originally, I was going to go with another tip for number two, but as I was writing tip number one I realized that this was another very good idea. Now, I don’t want people to get on my case about this, because this is the real truth. I don’t mean to offend anyone.

Fat People

                That’s all I should have to say, but I have decided to explain myself:

                If you’re over weight or don’t exercise as much, you will most likely die in the Zombie Overtake. It is so obvious that between two people – one obese, one fit, who will run faster from a zombie. Here’s an example.

                Here is Bob Solomon Tango à <(=*^*=)>. Now Bob Solomon Tango is a little on the fat side and he looks like Yoda.

                This is Sally John Jonny Sudobaker à <(+.+)>. Sally John Jonny Sudobaker is fit and is on the track team. She owns many ferocious cats.

                Now BST and SJJS decided to go on a date, this afternoon. They strolled in the park and when out for ice cream, but as SJJS was unfortunately walking BST home because his house was closer, a random zombie that looked a lot like Tyra Banks appeared from nowhere.

                BST and SJJS now realize after 5 minutes that this is a zombie and that maybe they should do something. They eventually decide to run away. While running away BST trips over his belly fat and falls to the ground. SJJS decides that her life is more worth it and that if BST were more fit he would not have tripped and turned into a zombie.  

                Does that example make any sense?

                Anyway, I am just simply mentioning that if we were to get off our couch more often and grab a salad we might last a chance in the infection. Not that I’ll be doing that. I’ll be here eating my Costco/BJ’s/Sam’s Club greasy pizza and wasting my life away to write to you people.

So to round off Tip Numero Dos (idc how to spell it)…

Go to the gym, eat some spinach, and get a life.