Swept Away(Everlark)

Ch.19: Funerals and Flashbacks

Today is the day I've been dreading, the funeral. It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I lost someone who was like a son to me and I lost Peeta in the process, at least I think I did. I haven't spoken to him since the day Finn passed. I haven't even left the bedroom. The nightmares have been awful, and I have barely eaten anything. I'm not in a good position and I definitely cannot go in public like this. Within a week I've already lost weight. The bags under my eyes are bigger than they've ever been and pain just lingers all around me.

Peeta had to go through all of it alone. He loved Finn, maybe more than I loved him. He was like our son. Peeta had to do the decorations and the casket and I did absolutely nothing. I need to get out of this room, I have to.

I get out of bed for the first time in a long time and I go downstairs and speak to Peeta, but when he sees me something is wrong. His eyes are turning a dark color. Not again. Peeta hasn't had a flash back in almost a year. "Katniss, leave." He yells pain crossing over his face. I run to him. Bad move. Next thing I know I'm being thrown against the wall. There is no one here to save me. Haymitch has been in rehab since before Annie died. He gets out soon, but I wont be here. Peeta is going to kill me. The bad part is that I really wouldn't care. No one needs me. It wont matter when I'm gone.

Before I know I'm about to draw my last breath, Peeta lets me go and I sink to the ground. "Kat, I am so sorry." He says crouching down to face me. He picks me up and carries me to the kitchen and sets me on the table. The same table Gale had laid on. I hate this table. It carries pain. Peeta gets me some ice and cries while holding my hand. "It's okay, Peeta." I manage to get out. "No, Katniss, it's not. I can't do this anymore. I continue to hurt you. I hurt everyone. I'm destructive." He says standing. "Katniss, I love you. I love you so much that I'm willing to let you go. Go be happy. Find happiness without me." He says with his jaw clenched. At this point I'm shaking my head violently. "Peeta, I love you. I am happy. I am." "No you aren't! You haven't been for a while!" He yells throwing a plate. "And it's my fault!" He says. "It isn't your fault, it's mine." I cry. He walks to the door, but before he can open it, I beg him, "Stay with me." I say my heart longing for him to come back. He swallows before saying words that will forever haunt me, "I can't." He says before walking out the door.

I lost him. I loved him, and I lost him. Again. Snow wins. Coin wins. All Snow ever wanted was for me to not be happy and he got it. I've lost everything. I sit up and wipe my tears. What is there to do when everything you've ever loved is gone? Run.

I run. I run so fast that I forgot shoes. I'm in week old clothes. Within no time I realize where I went. The meadow, the woods, where Finn ate the berries. Finn. My mind races with thoughts. I rock back and forth singing Deep in the Meadow while tears streaming down my face before all the thoughts seize. I'm numb. I stand up from my position of holding my knees, and begin to head home, but then I see it, the nightlock. I pick some and right when I'm about to eat it, a glove clad hand covers my mouth and my vision fades to black.

A/N I'm sorry. I had to. Don't kill me. I do ship Everlark. I love you guys. lol sorry again for this.